Undergraduate / 'Screaming, yelling, and arguing' - UC Personal Statement [5]

Hey guys, I was told today that I should focus on just one subject, and rewrite my whole essay. But im still not sure if I'm even answering the prompt right. Please read my essay and correct me on everything, I'm really nervous.

prompt #1: "Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations."

Screaming, yelling, and arguing are the pictures that come to mind whenever I think back to my childhood. I was only four years old, but I already saw the horrible side of mankind. My father had lost his job in India, my mother became the only income for my family. I remember walking three kilometers to school holding the hand of my pregnant mother, no one would care to help us. Even when my sister was born, my aunt would not bother to change her diaper, feed her, or even try to stop the crying. But now, she refuses to acknowledge that this ever occurred. I saw how money ruined lives. Poverty at a young age inspired me; I now know I should never put money ahead of my true goals. Now, I only look at whether an opportunity for work will make me a better person, instead of worrying about the financial aspects.

Coming to this country at the age of nine was not easy. I buried myself in books, texts, and anything I could to get better at English. In the summer of 2004, I had probably spent more hours at the library than home. I passed the fifth grade state writing exam that year, which boosted my confidence and made me realize that I could be successful in this new country. However, I was also very naïve; I did get good grades, but I never had any impact on my surroundings. I never did anything to help my community, but all of this changed when I entered sophomore year in high school.

I came home one day and learned that my great aunt had just passed away. Although she never had any impact on me, watching my mother mourn over her made me curious. That day, I learned the true history of my family. My great aunt was one of the thirteen women who fought for women's rights in India; she had been jailed more than twenty times in her life. She was a freedom fighter, but I had never known about her significance. I also learned that my grandfather received his college diploma from India's first Prime Minister, Jawaharlal Nehru, and that my great grandfather was one of the greatest musicians in Southern India. I was ashamed; my ancestors had done so much to try to change this world, while I had done absolutely nothing. After this day, I changed. I started volunteering at the local food bank as soon as I could. Over the course of two years, I have helped my food bank start a recycling section, a computerized system, and have earned the title of "team leader" for all the volunteers every time I enter the warehouse. Then, I took up an internship with the Artist's Rights Movement, which ensures that artists are treated fairly. Although I am not an artist, I believe standing up for others will make the world a better place.

Learning about the significance of my great aunt, grandfather, and great grandfather has changed my perspective of this world. Most of my family members have careers in business and software; they only care about their own financial status. I now realize that I am the one who needs to bring change to society, just as my ancestors did in their time. After thinking long and hard for three years, I have finally decided what I want to do for my generation. I aspire to be an environmental engineer. Global Warming and other environmental issues are some the biggest problems that we face; I hope to become as great as my ancestors, or die trying.