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Posts by tparisi
Joined: Nov 25, 2011
Last Post: Nov 26, 2011
Threads: 1
Posts: 3  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 4
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tparisi   
Nov 26, 2011
Graduate / 'technology developments and societies' - Rutgers SOP for PhD advice needed [3]

I really think that you're off to a good start, but I don't think you've fully responded to the prompt. I'm also in the same boat as you (applying to a PhD, low gpa, and a ridiculously short word limit!), it took a lot of reworking to finally chop my essay in half and allow for space to really explain why I would be a good fit for the specific program and also suggest the professors I'd like to work with. Your's is missing the connection to the specific department and professor, and from the advice I've received from my mentor with a PhD it's very important to show that you've done your research and are making an informed decision to apply.

What helped me be able to fit all of the information in my essay was the realization that my CV is where they can find all of the information on publications, work experience and trainings. I alluded to some of my work experiences in my essay, but largely concentrated on selling what makes me the best PhD candidate despite issues with my gpa. :)

Feel free to go check out mine if you want to see what I did to make it work!

Good luck with applying to the program!
tparisi   
Nov 25, 2011
Graduate / Anthropology statement of purpose "human rights and giving a voice" [3]

Hello All,

I am looking for any advice, corrections, insight and creativity that will elevate this essay from good to amazing! I have to explain the reason for my low GPA, but I'm not sure how to organize it into the essay. Any feedback would be most appreciated!

Human and Anthropology Research



Here is what I have:

My pursuit of a doctorate stems from a lifelong interest in giving a voice to those who have been silenced through violence or death. Over the course of my education, I have taken my passion and applied it to the study of skeletal biology so I may pursue a career where such individuals and populations can bear witness through their material remains. While in my education, I have maintained particular interest in skeletal biology, I have engaged in wide-ranging coursework to ensure that I remain a well-rounded, four-field anthropologist. In this way, I have developed an interest in pursuing research that incorporates theories of violence and human rights violations, so I may further explore the ways in which varying cultural processes develop and perpetuate an environment in which violence acts occur and made evident in human remains.

Upon entering the Masters program at George Washington University, I went through a severe depression, as a result of issues within my personal life. As a result, my first semester's grades suffered and I was placed on academic probation. Despite the issues that plagued me during my first term, I have significantly improved my grades and experience success in both the academic and public aspects of my anthropological work. An example is my participation in three field schools where I have had the opportunity to further relate theory to applied research. Beyond that, I have spent time with the Smithsonian's skeletal collections and will be utilizing them for my thesis, which focuses on institutional violence as evidenced both in written documentation and human remains.

I am eager to continue exploring my research interests in a PhD program, and I believe the research I have conducted, in addition to my training, provide me with a solid foundation to become a successful anthropologist. Being a student of the University of Florida would allow me to pursue examining the various ways in which an applied four-field approach may be utilized in historic and forensic cases of violence. While I look forward to taking courses with a number of professors within the department, considering my particular interests in human osteology, human rights and violence theory I would especially look forward to the opportunity to work with Michael Warren, Sharon Abramowitz or Clarence Gravlee, which would enable me to continue exploring the various ways that a four-field approach to human osteology may help us illuminate different facets of culture and behavior.

I whole-heartedly believe that anthropology has a unique opportunity to help the public understand complex issues and how informed people can have an impact on or effect meaningful change in their lives. With this in mind, after completion of my PhD, I intend to pursue a position in which I will have the opportunity to work both within the academic and public spheres. Such an arrangement would enable me to fulfill my two passions: to ask questions through learning and to help the living and dead be accounted for and receive a sense of closure after loss.

Exactly 500 words.
tparisi   
Nov 25, 2011
Graduate / 'discovered computers at school' -Personal Statement for a MSC in Computing in the UK [4]

Really solid essay so far, just a few adjustments to certain sentences:

"I am now feeling the need to get to the next level and I think the [MASTER] is the key for achieving it." -> "I find myself ready for the next challenge from which to advance my career and I believe a Masters is the key to fulfilling my goals"

"I believe both my professional and academic experiences make me an ideal candidate for your program ."

Your intro paragraph really grabbed my attention, and I think it's important to describe that this has been a lifelong passion for you. I just rearranged and reworded a few things to make it into more of a story: since it is the story of the beginning of your career!

"I was 12 when I first discovered computers . Absolutely fascinated, I immediately wanted to know what was behind the screen. Being a good user wasn't enough for me, and I had an urge to learn how they worked and be able to fix a computer on my own. It was from this desire that I came to discover the enriching and fulfilling world of programming. By this time I was 15 and had started to teach myself the C language as a hobby, and within a few months I had programmed a Sokoban."

I would go back and work on your closing paragraph though. I like the idea of incorporating your interests into the essay, but I feel like you would have a stronger conclusion if you went back and reworked it to talk about what you want to do and accomplish with the degree.

Good Luck!!! I hope this helped you!
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