Undergraduate / 'To show the girls in Egypt the light within knowledge' - UC 2 I believe I can [11]

wow! you have a really strong essay
i especially love the conclusion and good job in incorporating concrete examples on your actions

Undergraduate / UC prompt 2 " Taking responsibility for your actions" [5]

Very good essay... i especially love the conclusion
i would recommend you eliminate this: My mother was/is "healthy as a horse".
and we do not need titles for the personal statements.

Undergraduate / First to go to college! uc prompt 1 [6]

Thank you very much i will expand!!

I remember sitting around the coffee table on a Monday morning, as my parents once again reminded my siblings and I of all the capabilities we possessed in order to succeed. I come from a Hispanic Culture where my parents never had the opportunity to go to college more so even graduate High school. Being the first to attend college is an honor and my parents have always been supportive. Regardless of the advantages my background lacks, I have come to conclusion that my world is full of opportunities and doorways leading towards success.

The idea of being the first one go to college always sparked a few insecurities, but I learned to surpass all the negativity. Bering the first to go to college meant overcoming many challenges, and I was always motivated to do so. In high school I decided to join a program called Project Grad, a college access program. This program helped enhance my daily dose of motivation I needed.

what i have so far!

Undergraduate / 'why is learning important?' - University of Chicago--your own question [5]

your introduction is really good... however i think that indulging too many topics at once might take away the actual focus to the essay. fewer/brief but to the point topics might emphasize upon the fact that you have strong writing skills.

Undergraduate / "It's a dangerous place"; UC Common App/ World I come from [13]

really good... your introduction is strong
maybe you can consider taking out some vague details in your essay to reduce the word count, that's what i did

Undergraduate / "Personal Quality..." Adapting quickly - UC Transfer #2 [4]

Its a really interesting essay, however a more concrete example of the adaption may enhance the essay!