Writing Feedback / news editors; country condition, citizens education, living condition; influence [5]

Sorry but I'm not familiar with the IELTS system. Remember just one space after the comma or period ... "thanks iLuHWz. Is" Include more examples if you can.

Undergraduate / 'Our baby' -University of California accomplishment essay [3]

I have heard the squeals of a newborn and the salvos of a nation's founding ceremony; I have seen the excitement of the Millennium Countdown and the resplendence of the nascent sun.

But I was not in for the serenity; I had a meeting to convene, something I have been hatching all summer. "Hey guys. Today is a day to forever remember in our school's MUN history, guess what? "

"Fourteen directors as a working committee and 350 delegates from around the Yangtze River Delta Region,

five topics spanning issues from the Safety of High-speed Railways in China to the European Debt Crises, one chance for glory"

I spearheaded the presentation with a thorough analysis on the merits of hosting the conference.

As my crew took turns introducing their work and envisions, the principal nodded along, his countenance changing from mild to enthusiastic. We scored a home run.

I have formed my own axiom through the process: to increase productivity, satisfy the tummy!

* i learned lots of new vocab from this ;D well written and what an achievement you've accomplished for the school
* everything's nice, just remember the use of number in formal writing and no conjugations like i've, he'd, she'll, and so forth

* unsure if you should have "analysis of the merits" or "analysis on the merits"

Writing Feedback / news editors; country condition, citizens education, living condition; influence [5]

Nowadays, newspapers and television are very important means of communication, so news editors have significant responsibility. They decide what to broadcast on television and print in newspapers. In my opinion, There are three factors which influence these decisions.

The first factor is the condition of country. I think,If the condition is poor, they should not announce bad news. For example, when a country prepares for war, the editors should avoid funny news. Actually, they should share about effects of war, result of war, etc.In turn warn citizens against war.

The second factor is the level of citizens' education. If education level is low in a country, these people do not understand academic news. Editors should use unsophisticated language for citizens. If there are many villager in a country, editors can broadcast and print about agriculture and livestock raising. Citizens are generally more interested in their own lives, so the news should specify according to the level of citizens' education.

The third factor is the living condition. For example, in my country, ratings measure according to income. Government classify results: ab and total viewer which show social-economic condition, so commercial is given to television and newspaper by considering the raiting.Therefore , to earn money editors decide carefully who likes good news or not.

Consequently , there are three factor which influence editors' decisions. These are condition of country, levels of citizens' education and living conditions . These factors help editors choose which news is better. However, some bad editors still decide themselves without thinking about these factors.

* for punctuation like comma and period, only one space afterward
* you should change or avoid the green highlighted parts, the essay appear lacking confidence when you insert those
* unless you wrote this under a confined situation, more examples would be nice :)

Undergraduate / "Make yourself at home in Indonesia." - UC prompt 1 [3]

interesting intro~ so is the whole essay, but i agree with blueshores that you should include the mun example somewhere else, the ending should be just for you :]

just simple ones i found:
homely my domestic helper - my homely domestic helper (is this what you meant?)
stop what ever she - stop whatever she (think you can do this)