Writing Feedback / narrative essay: Snowboarding Accident. (Original Composition) [NEW]

Discuss the topic: Our friends and family are important. Grade 12

As I was snowboarding down the mountain, I screamed, "Yo-ho! This is amazing!" Suddenly, a beam of sun light penetrated through my eyes, blocked my vision, but the joy I got from the insanely fast speed stopped me from slowing down. With a series of clunky crashing noises, I slipped off the course, flew over the barrier towards the sky...

That was a rare sunny Christmas morning in Vancouver. My father and I, together with my best friend Jim's family went to the Cypress Mountain for snowboarding. As usual, parents brought their laptops and iPads planning to spend a leisurely day while kids like me and Jim brought as much equipment as we can to make us look professional. Being about to conquer the black route known as the "Top Gun" had always been my most glorious dream. Despite the objections from my parents, I decided to secretly challenge the route when Jim was taking a break. I rushed down the mountain without a helmet and glasses for the sake of reducing my weight. I fell down before I reached the edge of the course and my heavy snowboard dragged me down with a scary accelerating speed. Fortunately, I was able to hit a giant tree in the middle of the mountain. My physics knowledge was good enough to remind me that the momentum of this hitting can bring a serious injury to myself. Therefore, I turned my body around and successfully avoided the deadly impact.

Just before I fell off the course, I saw two skiers coming behind me. Under the naïve believe in the goodness of human nature, I decided to sit under the giant tree doing nothing but waiting for rescue. I did, however, tried to call my parents for help, but thanks to the cheap local mobile carrier, there had been no reception at all after I passed the Lion's Gate. About an hour later, my saviors hasn't come, finally I realized my judgment about the human nature was faulty. I was feeling extremely cold, hungry and painful. So there I was, trembling alone under a cold icy tree playing Angry Birds until my phone shuts itself off.

After a period of time long enough to drag the sun from the sky to the sea line. "Is that a real sound of a helicopter or I am just hearing things?", I asked myself. Indistinctly, I heard someone calling my name. It was strange to hear my name was yield by a woman's voice, a voice that belongs to my dear mother who should be working 30 km away in Surry at the moment. Nevertheless, I was too tired to be interested in all my surroundings. Eventually my tiredness torn down my consciousness; I calmly closed my eyes without verifying the authenticity of all the things happening around me.

When I opened my eyes, I found myself in my own bedroom surrounds by my friends and family members. At first I was quite indignant about the absence of Jim. Later on, I realized that Jim was in a serious fever resting in a hospital. He was the first one to think that I might be in danger and took the initiative to search for me. After traveling the mountain over and over again, his body was finally crashed by the cold. My mother, who was the one that calling my name from the helicopter, left off her work and came all the way from Surrey hoping to look for me. I realized that most people understand the importance of friends and family. However I have to admit that I had underestimated their importance before this accident. They are the source of my warmth when I am cold; they are the source of my light when I am in the dark and they will always give me support when I need them.

Undergraduate / 'the ins and outs of cars' - Mechanical Engineering UofT [7]

What has inspired you to pursue an engineering degree and why would you like to study at the University of Toronto?
What skills have you developed through your extra-curricular experiences that will support your future success as both a student and an engineer?
(Maximum 3000 characters including spaces NOT 3000 WORDS)

Ever since I was a child, I've always wanted to be a mechanical engineer. I've always wanted to know the ins and outs of cars, how are they operate and what makes this vehicle runs faster than the next one. I believe that without proper education, I will not be able to achieve my dreams of being an excellent mechanical engineer; therefore I want to be able to sustain myself and become more independent throughout my future years in the University of Toronto.

In order to study in the University of Toronto, I am willing to do my best to obtain this opportunity. I am an ambitious and responsible high school student who wants to succeed in all aspects of life. Along with my pursuit of a higher level of education, I also participated in many extracurricular activities, through which I have developed many essential transferable skills. My interpersonal and communication skills are enhanced through being a scheduled volunteer in the Falsecreek Community Centre. I offer assistance and companionship to many seniors with disabilities, such as telling stories and outdoor exercising. Moreover, my time management skill has been improved through musical activities. I was a member of the choir team at school. I also played a leading role in my school's Computer Assembly Club. I learned to manage my time wisely to balance between studies my own interests of engineering. In addition, I have made a huge progress in my ability to work independently and in a team throughout my experiences of serving as a info assistant during the events of Canada Day and BC day in Granville Island for two years. These activities helped me to gain valuable experience and developed many important skills that will help my success as both a student and an engineer.

In order to unlock my true potential and achieve my aim of becoming a mechanical engineer, I must be equipped with the appropriate knowledge and experience. I believe that the University of Toronto is the ideal place for me to develop the skills and knowledge that would aid me in becoming a successful engineer. The University of Toronto is the foremost engineering institution in Canada and I think that it is the perfect place for me to pursue my passion. I am drawn not only by the fact that the university is incorporated into the bustling metropolitan of Toronto, but also by the impressive and highly successful and successive alumni and faculty. thus, I am confident that the University of Toronto will help me grow intellectually and emotionally. Moreover, my academic interests and passions convince me that the University of Toronto is the best step towards my dream.

Thank you all who are willing to give a little beam of brightness in my life at this moment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And may god bless you all!