Undergraduate / 'I do not call myself an actress' - NYU short essay [3]

I'm really nervous because the deadline is approaching!!
This essay might include a lot of grammar errors and word using errors...
Please feel free to comment! I need different opinions:(

Why NYU?

New York University is world renowned and the most desirable school for future artists. Entering the American education system at age fifteen, I have always dreamed of studying performing arts at the Tisch school of the Arts. It offers an artistic atmosphere for the connection between different subjects through a competitive environment. I wish to invest my future learning and studying into New York University, for its rich cultural diversity and remarkable artistic training courses. I admire that NYU helps artists in different fields work cooperatively. These interdisciplinary collaboration programs embrace the same concept of learning arts as my performance arts studio does, which I believe is the best way to enhance arts appreciation. Born in Taiwan, a well-known alumnus of NYU, Ang Lee has always been my role model for his astounding film works associated with a deep understanding of arts. Learning under professional faculty members, students at NYU can expand their creativity without national boundary. I expect myself to be motivated by Tisch boosting envision and execution toward arts to professional skills. I believe that the training ground which only NYU can offer to me would push me to the international stage.

Regardless of whether or not you have an intended major or concentration, please elaborate on an academic area of interest and how you wish to explore it at NYU's campuses in New York or Abu Dhabi or at one of our global academic centers around the world. Please share any activities or experiences you have had that have cultivated your intellectual interests leading you to choose to study at the NYU campus of your choice.

I act, but I do not call myself an actress. I dance, but I do not call myself a dancer. I play percussion, but I do not call myself a percussion player. In nine years of learning performance arts, I have been searching in hope to complete myself-the happiness from following my passion is what has made me so sure of my decision to become an artist. I broaden my vision and intention on the process of conducting performances. (<-- ?) Over the past __ years, I have become the leader of my percussion band, working cooperatively with my teammates in numerous music performances. I have also grown a deep interest as I expand my understanding about arts through choreography and drama performances in my performance arts studio. At the age of fifteen, I began to approach various edges about filmmaking and criticism; I was taught to taste each flavor, modeling my conception of art. I realized that my growing talents built upon arts have made me into a mature individual and I look forward to filmmaking. New York University is the top choice for people who desire filmmaking to be a future career without any doubts. Located in New York City, the best benefit of NYU is the abundance of opportunities for internships for students. New York City launches the latest resources and constructs a suitable environment for college students who are actively finding job opportunities and receiving global perspective. I am excited to see my story agitates(?) with NYU culture.

Undergraduate / 'my father has been working in China' - someone who has made an impact on your life [3]

"Write an essay in which you tell us about someone who has made an impact on your life and explain how and why this person is important to you."

I've already submitted this essay to U of Texas-Austin. Unfortunately, I just passed by this website yesterday, so I did not have the chance to post my essay to get more opinions:(

Please tell me what you think so I can decide if I should submit it to other schools or not!
Thank you so much!
"Buzz!"

Waking up with a start, I got off my bed to answer the door.
A big black package walked through the door from the cold air outside. I was urgent to give him a little bit of warmth, yet my cares only lit up his weary face.

It was the first time I saw my dad after his long absence.

Busy at work, my father has been working in China for more than 15 years. He comes back and forth between China and Taiwan a few times a year. He opened his factory in Shen Zhen when I was still a little girl. My biggest memory about him was at my 7-year-old birthday party, the year that I just entered elementary school. He put his smile towards me, as I was singing, laughing, and waving the colored ribbons on my hands. We took a family photo, which is still sitting on my desk. I could not remember what he really said to me in the old days. All the conversations and pictures in my head have become blurry, and now, I do not even want to browse through those helpless memories.

"Since when have we become strangers?" I thought. I watched him curl up in the sofa and turn on the TV, and then I walked back to my room.

Likely, we automatically create a fancy image of a family relationship under the information we absorb from the textbooks, TV shows, and any other sources that come from our lives. The blood-relative love builds a heavy bonding between the family members, without any other reasons necessary. Now this bonding has become a pressure on me.

My father is a self-governing person. He always tries his best to achieve his goals, though sometimes people around him do not identify with his thoughts. My mom says I am exactly like my dad, which annoys me a lot. Unfortunately, I am just as stubborn as him. He does not know me very deeply. I guess what he could possibly understand about me are just the facts which I would write on school journals, the ones that need to be signed by a parent before handing to the teacher. Sadly, for him, I have no more journals need to be done now. Sadly, for me, I never ask him to sign any of my papers and homework anymore.

In the summer of 2010, I went to visit my dad's factory in Shen Zhen. He brought me to hang around in the city. We finally had the chance to get to know each other. He told me about the stories when he studied at his university in the United States. He shared his depression when he met obstacles at work and told me how he crossed those difficulties. At that moment, I realized that his success was far beyond what I thought. He might have sacrifice his family time with me, yet he never even had the opportunity to choose since business fills his life.

This time with my father led me to change myself. I forced myself to accept that I needed to be as
independent as he is, for I do not want to fail him, even as I wonder he ever expects me to do so. He has had a profound effect on my life, for my selfishness won't allow him to know me, since I will not be able to fix my regrets about him in the past.

I love him. Again, I wonder how to rebuild back to the simplest love.

Maybe he just needs a glass of water when he returns home.