Undergraduate / 'Sun, sand and sea' - Describe the world you come from - MIT Essay [3]

I think that I wrote a simple piece, any suggestions to make it more interesting? At 267 words the essay kinda exceeded the limit... Will try my best to cut it down. Also, are there any known issues about essays with exclamation marks? Thanks!

Describe the world you come from; for example, your family, clubs, school, community, city, or town. How has that world shaped your dreams and aspirations?(*) (200-250 words)

'Sun, sand and sea', tropical paradise is found at the seaside town of Kerteh, my hometown. However, what I remembered most vividly is the long sand bank on the beach near my house.

Every morning, there was this sand bank forming on the beach where little children loved to slide on it. I was intrigued by the mysterious, consistent appearance of the sand bank and wanted to know how it was formed. I took a different approach - reading. During my free time, I sneaked into a small library across the street and delved into books about science and natural phenomena. Thanks to the books, I realised that the sand bank is formed by the rise and fall of tides. What's more, reading about the sand bank made me 'slide' into an insatiable appetite to know more about science and the world!

Other than the sand bank, another aspect of Nature that has enthralled me is the starry nights, a privilege of a rural town. Once, peering through the telescope a local astronomy club set up in conjunction with the closest approach of Mars in 2003, the polar ice caps and rugged surface of Mars caught my imagination. I thought aloud, "Are there people living over there?" The kind volunteer manning the telescope answered firmly, "No!" I was disappointed, but nevertheless it sparked my lifelong interest in astronomy. Determined to negate the answer, I decided that my future is in astronautics.

Kerteh will always be close to my heart, as it has not only shaped my aspirations but also defined my character as someone who is forever inquisitive.

Undergraduate / Nagareboshi (Shooting Stars) - Common App Essay Option 1 [4]

Hi! This is my first time posting here after lurking around for some time. This essay talks about an event not included in my CV but is sort of like the spark for me to start a club in my school, the Stargazer Society (as below). It's around 430 words... 70 short of the Common App limit. I am replying to Option 1, "Evaluate a significant expereince, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you." Thanks in advance for advice and critiques!

Nagareboshi (Shooting Star)

Darkness sets in, gradually. We were young, innocent and carefree, straining our necks and scanning the night sky, in search of space debris having a death wish and comes plummeting to Earth in a one way trip of no return. In other words, we were watching a meteor shower.

It first started out as some sort of a 'Class of 2009' gathering. Old friends meeting up, chatting and catching up on current events, reminiscing the old schooldays while lying on the tar road and facing towards the night sky. From a distance, I can hear Simpson, now my comrade-in-astronomy, asking newcomers to switch off the car headlights and drive under the waning gibbous moon. 'Our eyes are really capable,' he said, 'evolution isn't just for shows.' Over at the 'dark site', occasional cries and screams of excitement shook the night when some of them spotted a meteor grazing the night sky. It was our first time organizing a star party with a meteor shower, and the guests were enjoying every part of it.

As Earth brought us deeper into Her shadows, the stars also marches through the night sky. Some of us were caught startled, not knowing that stars actually do also rise and set as the Sun does. I was in the know, but was also amazed at the rate the procession goes. Utilising my little bit of knowledge from my days reading astronomy books and surfing websites - what I call the 'armchair astronomer', I showed my schoolmates famous constellations in the night sky, explaining how meteor shower occurs and why does the stars rise and set too. We were witnessing the greatness of Mother Nature, exposing ourselves to the great outdoors and the elements of nature. At that moment, the familiar patterns of stars which I once was so crazy about it long ago, they were calling out to me - under the sky, I felt so at home.

In the blink of an eye, what that was once a traveller of the cosmos, has been incinerated into nothingness. The brilliance of a burning meteor it at once captivating and transient, reflective of the place our lives stands in the course of the Universe's history. We are all equal; we all had a chance to shine. It depends on you and your willingness to strive in the short moment you are in this world, whether to shine as bright as a fireball, or disappear quietly in a faint glow, leaving no trails. I learnt of a universal truth, so simple, so elegant yet so easily forgotten.

And that is why I've founded the Stargazer Society.