Undergraduate / 'Month of Ramadan is the holy month' - Extracurricular Essay - Hope [2]

The Islamic month of Ramadan is the holy month where people observe the pious activity of fasting. The month upholds values of patience, spirituality and humility. Keeping up with the general atmosphere of the month, I along with some friends organized an 'iftaari' at an orphanage.

Laying down food on paper plates, the looks in the eyes of those orphans was something I couldn't turn away from. They spoke stories of despair, injustice and misery. In contrast to their stained shalwar kameez provided by the orphanage, I felt embarrassed to be in my jeans and t-shirt. But even more so, I felt a responsibility - an urge to help those in need, an obligation to give back to the community I come from.

After the iftaari was over, a young boy almost my age came to me and hugged me, saying, "Thank you, brother." But it was something in his eyes that today drives to more and more community work - it was hope.

How do you think it is? I'm looking more towards a critique of the idea and concept rather than the way it is written, though all critique is welcome.

Undergraduate / Vassar Supplement Essay - My Hogwarts [2]

HOW DID YOU LEARN ABOUT VASSAR AND WHAT ASPECTS OF OUR COLLEGE DO YOU FIND APPEALING?

There is one thing in life which I really awaited: my eleventh birthday. But not because I was going to get the dirt bike I'd always wanted or because my parents were planning on throwing me a huge surprise; but for something greater. I knew the probability was almost zero but I still hoped it would arrive: my letter from Hogwarts.

I'm seventeen today and now that I look back at this incident it seems almost funny, the epitome of naivety. How childish I was almost makes me laugh. I've come a long way since then but what has not changed is how the magical world Harry Potter or anything remotely related to it still enthralls me. I've grown up hearing terms like wands and broomsticks which sound like gibberish to my own grandmother. So just another day I was procrastinating, the internet being my usual partner in crime. Ironically, I was supposed to be looking through colleges and I randomly stumbled upon a Vassar newsletter. And there it was - the Butterbeer Brewers - Vassar's own Qudditch team. I was extremely surprised but thoroughly amused at the same time. I was startled and I become more inquisitive about Vassar. And then seeing the abstract paintings on Vassar's homepage is what really what got my interest in Vassar going. It showed me the kind of free-spirited yet intellectually driven student Vassar embodies.

Vassar for me today is like Hogwarts was for me as a child. The beauty of Hudson Valley and Vassar's majestic campus spanning over 1000 acres and more than 100 buildings has enchanted me ever since I first saw images of it. If Hogwarts upheld the values of dispensing knowledge to all, regardless of their association with a magical or a non-magical family, then Vassar has taken it to an entirely next level with its appreciative environment towards everyone regardless of their ethnicity or sexual orientation. The closely knit community structure makes you feel as if Vassar is home. The myriad sporting opportunities offered, the huge collection of academic and literary works in the library, the artistic endeavors which the art center propagates or simply the list of respectable alumnae, there is not one thing about Vassar which doesn't leave me spell-bound.

The letter from Hogwarts was the one thing in my life that I highly anticipated. I guess there will be another thing in my life which I will highly anticipate: the letter from Vassar.

Undergraduate / "We will never compromise on your education"- Common App Essay [3]

Common App Essay - Topic of your choice.

In a country with almost 100 million people, it is not surprising that I live in a family of seven. What is surprising though, I live in a family where all my three sisters and I attend top-notch private schools, my parents attended college and my grandmother finished high school. Yes, that's true. It's surprising. At least for the society I live in. The myriad complexities which grip my society are unique; which I in my 18 years of existence haven't been able to understand completely and perhaps an American would never be able to understand is his lifetime.

Like every other society, the (country's) society upholds certain values, certain norms. There's a clear distinction between right and wrong, preferable and deviant behavior, and moral and immoral. Unlike every other society, the definitions of these are very different. It is wrong to allow your daughters to study after high school; it is moral to murder someone who stands up for the rights of religious minorities; it is acceptable to kill your family members if they have brought upon 'dishonor' to the family; it is criminal for a woman to leave the house and take up a job and educating your children is seen as giving into infidel, western values.

It is in this society that my parents educated me. When I look around me, not far and only in my extended family I see some of my peers attending madrassas, some dropping out of high-school only to take up the small businesses their fathers ran previously.

Many years ago, my father promised me something. He said, "We will never compromise on your education," and in return made me promise that neither would I. I was young and perhaps didn't understand the impact of those words back then

Now that I'm applying to college I understand the depth of his words. I truly understand the sacrifices that my parents made just to make sure that I got quality education. My father earns a fraction of what a private college's student's fee in America is and yet I go to the best school in my city. Every now and then I have uncles coming over encouraging my parents to send me to a madrassa yet I live in an environment which is liberal and appreciative.

Recently, I was talking to my mother about college. And she said, "You know right, you don't owe anything to us. We didn't do this for you because we wanted you to pay us back some day."

But my answer to that was no. I do owe something back; to my parents. I owe it to my society to correct the wrongs that I see. And I feel only the best college education can equip me to do that. I owe it to my father. I must fulfill my promise.

I think I saw a tear drop from my mother's eye.

please correct any grammatical mistakes if there are any. but above all i'd like you to critique my essay. and tell me how the concept is. how would you rate it out of ten? and what are my admission chances solely based on this essay?

thank youu