Common App Essay - Topic of your choice.
In a country with almost 100 million people, it is not surprising that I live in a family of seven. What is surprising though, I live in a family where all my three sisters and I attend top-notch private schools, my parents attended college and my grandmother finished high school. Yes, that's true. It's surprising. At least for the society I live in. The myriad complexities which grip my society are unique; which I in my 18 years of existence haven't been able to understand completely and perhaps an American would never be able to understand is his lifetime.
Like every other society, the (country's) society upholds certain values, certain norms. There's a clear distinction between right and wrong, preferable and deviant behavior, and moral and immoral. Unlike every other society, the definitions of these are very different. It is wrong to allow your daughters to study after high school; it is moral to murder someone who stands up for the rights of religious minorities; it is acceptable to kill your family members if they have brought upon 'dishonor' to the family; it is criminal for a woman to leave the house and take up a job and educating your children is seen as giving into infidel, western values.
It is in this society that my parents educated me. When I look around me, not far and only in my extended family I see some of my peers attending madrassas, some dropping out of high-school only to take up the small businesses their fathers ran previously.
Many years ago, my father promised me something. He said, "We will never compromise on your education," and in return made me promise that neither would I. I was young and perhaps didn't understand the impact of those words back then
Now that I'm applying to college I understand the depth of his words. I truly understand the sacrifices that my parents made just to make sure that I got quality education. My father earns a fraction of what a private college's student's fee in America is and yet I go to the best school in my city. Every now and then I have uncles coming over encouraging my parents to send me to a madrassa yet I live in an environment which is liberal and appreciative.
Recently, I was talking to my mother about college. And she said, "You know right, you don't owe anything to us. We didn't do this for you because we wanted you to pay us back some day."
But my answer to that was no. I do owe something back; to my parents. I owe it to my society to correct the wrongs that I see. And I feel only the best college education can equip me to do that. I owe it to my father. I must fulfill my promise.
I think I saw a tear drop from my mother's eye.
please correct any grammatical mistakes if there are any. but above all i'd like you to critique my essay. and tell me how the concept is. how would you rate it out of ten? and what are my admission chances solely based on this essay?
This is all very nice, especially since you have descirbed your intricate background and difficulty so well. However, after reading this essay, I felt that I did not know much more about you other than the fact that you attend the best school in the city and come from a middle-class background. Talk more about your personality, (even if it's an indirect mention) your aspirations and how you plan to pursue your dreams. Whatever it is, just try and bring a little bit of your character through, rather than that of your society. Good luck :-)
This is missing some words:
What is surprising, though, is that I live in a family where all my three sisters and I attend top-notch private schools, my parents attended college, and my grandmother finished high school.
Yes, that's true. It's surprising -- at least for the society I live in. The myriad complexities which grip my society are unique; which I in my 18 years of existence haven't been able to understand completely and perhaps an American would never be able to understand is his lifetime.
I do owe something back to my parents. ---no need for semi-colon.
I owe it to my society to correct the wrongs that I see.
And I feel o Only the best college education can equip me to do that.---Excellent, but can you be more specific about what you want to do and what skills you want to gain in your education? You have to have a plan to be impressive. : )