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Posts by adaswani
Joined: Dec 19, 2011
Last Post: Dec 25, 2011
Threads: 1
Posts: 2  

From: United Kingdom (Great Britain)

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adaswani   
Dec 25, 2011
Writing Feedback / Ielts graph_the illiteracy rate in 2000 [2]

From this i keep getting the feeling like you are confusing literacy with literacy rate , they are different and you might understand that it isn't coming out in your essay. perhaps keep referring to the rate as a growth in literacy to rid of confusion and also gets rid of some monotony.
adaswani   
Dec 25, 2011
Undergraduate / 'pass and move' - COMMON APP SHORT ANSWER [4]

I love the opening, however even though i always call it football you might want to say soccer to make it clear

Instead of "hub of the team" I would use engine, makes it sound like your driving the play forward and providing the energy

Instead of getting the three point might want to use bring home the victory as not many people would understand that

The last sentence i would have as (Bill Shankly once said "Some people think football is a matter of life and death. I don't like that attitude. I can assure them it is much more serious than that." Great words that epitomize my attitude towards the beautiful game)
adaswani   
Dec 19, 2011
Undergraduate / "Quantum Society" or "children's' charity school" Chosing between two short answers [2]

Short answer question

Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum).

I have written these two and i cant chose as to which one to use

In our fourth year of secondary school a group of students including myself formed the ***** school "Quantum Society". Our main objective was to provide a vessel for students who had an interest in the world of physics and Chemistry, beyond what we learned in the class room. We would research individual topics of our choice and then give a presentation to our peers; my chosen topic was "Collapse of Moore's Law and the emergence of Quantum computer". Due to passion towards the future of computers I was quite attached to this topic and spent hours researching in order to produce a through presentation, I learned that in the next decade Moore's Law would collapse as the size of atoms is a bottleneck, however using those same atoms we can create quantum computers that are able to work with the vibration of the atoms riding us the bottleneck, however decoherence is preventing headway. Being a part of this society has improved my researching skills along with my self-discipline to work for myself.

OR

Five years ago, my mum took me to a local children's' charity school. While spending time there, the 'bubble' that many within the city lived in became evident. I would see people living on the road, hungry and weak but only vicariously, through the windows of a car, was I 'privy' to the suffering of thousands of Ghanaians across the country. We organised a series of games, at the school, in which winners were given books; the joy on their faces was inexplicable and the realisation that things are not meant to be taken for granted was firmly embedded in me. I wasn't much older than a lot of the children but I was able to make a difference, a truly heart-warming experience. Since then I have taken it upon myself to visit these schools frequently and encouraged many of my friends to come along in order to aid with computer literacy among the youth. I ensured that my time in Ghana should be used as an opportunity and that I would make a difference to the lives of the less fortunate, in a country that I call my home.