kabyak
Nov 29, 2008
kabyak
Nov 29, 2008
Undergraduate / 'My parents gave me the best chance' - UC promp #1-parents influence [3]
please let me know of any grammatical errors and if it flows well enough and makes sense. thanks!
Describe the world you come from ï for example, your family, community or school ï and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
Like most teenagers growing up, my parents have had great influences on my life and future goals. Their influence though, was more from the sidelines than on center field. They never forced their will upon me or tried to stray me towards their dreams. Their influence was not by trying to steer me like a remote controlled car but instead they let me go in my own direction, making choices for myself. While they have helped me along the way and guided me in the right directions, ultimately, the choice to go down one path or another is mine. Through their trust in me, I have become an independent and driven person, determined to use the opportunities they have given me to make a successful life for myself.
With both of my parents lacking a college education, they have had to work quite hard in the competitive job market to keep a stable life for our family. My mother, being one of the top performers in her field, should have a higher position than she has but she unfortunately lacks one the first requirements for the job, a college degree. I will be the first in my family to go to college, and while this adds pressure for me to be successful, it is exciting for my family and me to see that I will be moving on to better future.
My parents always made sure that they gave me the best chance at becoming who I want and at having a better life. Their guidance has made me determined to get what they never had, an education, and to one day be able to give back to them and others as much as they have given me. My ambitions were created by myself but my parents trust and support is what makes me believe in them. My parents support has encouraged me to make sure I use every opportunity that is given to me and to not take any chance for granted.
please let me know of any grammatical errors and if it flows well enough and makes sense. thanks!
Describe the world you come from ï for example, your family, community or school ï and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
Like most teenagers growing up, my parents have had great influences on my life and future goals. Their influence though, was more from the sidelines than on center field. They never forced their will upon me or tried to stray me towards their dreams. Their influence was not by trying to steer me like a remote controlled car but instead they let me go in my own direction, making choices for myself. While they have helped me along the way and guided me in the right directions, ultimately, the choice to go down one path or another is mine. Through their trust in me, I have become an independent and driven person, determined to use the opportunities they have given me to make a successful life for myself.
With both of my parents lacking a college education, they have had to work quite hard in the competitive job market to keep a stable life for our family. My mother, being one of the top performers in her field, should have a higher position than she has but she unfortunately lacks one the first requirements for the job, a college degree. I will be the first in my family to go to college, and while this adds pressure for me to be successful, it is exciting for my family and me to see that I will be moving on to better future.
My parents always made sure that they gave me the best chance at becoming who I want and at having a better life. Their guidance has made me determined to get what they never had, an education, and to one day be able to give back to them and others as much as they have given me. My ambitions were created by myself but my parents trust and support is what makes me believe in them. My parents support has encouraged me to make sure I use every opportunity that is given to me and to not take any chance for granted.
kabyak
Nov 27, 2008
Undergraduate / "martial artist" - UC prompt help??? [4]
Thanks so much! i added another short piece in. could you let me know of any grammar errors you see? is it boring? Thanks again!
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?
Being shy as a child, I was never one to get out in front of group or be very outgoing in front of people I did not know. I normally stuck with my group of friends and was terribly afraid to branch out in new directions. One would have categorized me as a follower, defiantly not a leader and I probably would have stayed this way for most of my life if it were not for my brother's idea to join kung fu. Now, after doing kung fu for over five years, my attitude has been forever changed from all of the wonderful opportunities that have presented themselves to me.
Out of everything that kung fu has given me, the leadership opportunities would be the most significant one to my life. After doing kung fu for two years I was allowed to join the instructor trainee program where, along with accelerated training, I was learning the system in and out so I could become a certified instructor one day and finally be a leader. In this program, I assisted with the instructors who were running the class, allowing me to gain valuable teaching and leadership experience. Naturally this position was uncomfortable for me at first but after another two year journey and over 400 hours of teaching others, I came to love it. Now as an instructor I get to teach others through my passion for kung fu, and also help trainee's to reach their goal of becoming an instructor as well.
As I became more and more at ease with meeting new people and trying new things I became more involved at my school. I joined several clubs that were involved in community service and others topics that interested me. After much time in a leadership position I realized that it something that I really enjoyed and was also good at, so I took on the task of running for an ASB leadership position at school. I won the election, giving me the chance to have another wonderful leadership opportunity and to meet amazing new people with interests similar to mine.
Teaching kung fu has made me a much better martial artist because in order to teach something I must have a strong understanding of the material and how it works. Besides helping me become a more outgoing person, I have also learned so many other valuable lessons that I would have probably never been exposed to had I spent my days watching TV or playing video games. I have learned to stay hopeful through defeats and humble through victories. I have traveled to competitions all around the world meeting new people and observing different cultures. I have learned to set strong goals and to always keep them in my sight. Through my newly found outgoing nature I have met so many amazing people, including my best friend, who have had great influences my life. Kung fu helped me break out of my shell because I am so extremely passionate about it that I want to share with everyone so that maybe, they too, can find their passion in martial arts.
Thanks so much! i added another short piece in. could you let me know of any grammar errors you see? is it boring? Thanks again!
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?
Being shy as a child, I was never one to get out in front of group or be very outgoing in front of people I did not know. I normally stuck with my group of friends and was terribly afraid to branch out in new directions. One would have categorized me as a follower, defiantly not a leader and I probably would have stayed this way for most of my life if it were not for my brother's idea to join kung fu. Now, after doing kung fu for over five years, my attitude has been forever changed from all of the wonderful opportunities that have presented themselves to me.
Out of everything that kung fu has given me, the leadership opportunities would be the most significant one to my life. After doing kung fu for two years I was allowed to join the instructor trainee program where, along with accelerated training, I was learning the system in and out so I could become a certified instructor one day and finally be a leader. In this program, I assisted with the instructors who were running the class, allowing me to gain valuable teaching and leadership experience. Naturally this position was uncomfortable for me at first but after another two year journey and over 400 hours of teaching others, I came to love it. Now as an instructor I get to teach others through my passion for kung fu, and also help trainee's to reach their goal of becoming an instructor as well.
As I became more and more at ease with meeting new people and trying new things I became more involved at my school. I joined several clubs that were involved in community service and others topics that interested me. After much time in a leadership position I realized that it something that I really enjoyed and was also good at, so I took on the task of running for an ASB leadership position at school. I won the election, giving me the chance to have another wonderful leadership opportunity and to meet amazing new people with interests similar to mine.
Teaching kung fu has made me a much better martial artist because in order to teach something I must have a strong understanding of the material and how it works. Besides helping me become a more outgoing person, I have also learned so many other valuable lessons that I would have probably never been exposed to had I spent my days watching TV or playing video games. I have learned to stay hopeful through defeats and humble through victories. I have traveled to competitions all around the world meeting new people and observing different cultures. I have learned to set strong goals and to always keep them in my sight. Through my newly found outgoing nature I have met so many amazing people, including my best friend, who have had great influences my life. Kung fu helped me break out of my shell because I am so extremely passionate about it that I want to share with everyone so that maybe, they too, can find their passion in martial arts.
kabyak
Nov 25, 2008
Undergraduate / "martial artist" - UC prompt help??? [4]
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?
The last two paragraphs are interchangeable, i just don't know which one i like better.
Being shy as a child, I was never one to get out in front of group or be very outgoing in front of people I did not know. I normally stuck with my group of friends and was terribly afraid to branch out in new directions. One would have categorized me as a follower, defiantly not a leader and I probably would have stayed this way for most of my life if it were not for my brother's idea to join kung fu. Now, after doing kung fu for over five years, my attitude has been forever changed from all of the wonderful opportunities that have presented themselves to me.
Out of everything that kung fu has given me, the leadership opportunities would be the most significant one to my life. After doing kung fu for two years I was allowed to join the instructor trainee program where, along with accelerated training, I was learning the system in and out so I could become a certified instructor one day and finally be a leader. In this program, I assisted with the instructors who were running the class, allowing me to gain valuable teaching and leadership experience. Naturally this position was uncomfortable for me at first but after another two year journey and over 400 hours of teaching others, I came to love it. Now as an instructor I get to teach others through my passion for kung fu, and also help trainee's to reach their goal of becoming an instructor as well.
*Teaching kung fu has made me a much better martial artist because in order to teach something I must have a strong understanding of the material and how it works. Besides helping me become a more outgoing person, I have also learned so many other valuable lessons that I would have probably never been exposed to had I spent my days watching TV or playing video games. I have learned to stay hopeful through defeats and humble through victories. I have traveled to competitions all around the world meeting new people and observing different cultures. I have learned to set strong goals and use my imagination to help get where I need to be. Through my newly found outgoing nature I have met so many amazing people, including my best friend, who have had great influences my life. Kung fu helped me break out of my shell because I am so extremely passionate about it that I want to share with everyone so that maybe, they too, can find their passion in martial arts.
*Had I spent my days watching TV or playing video games then I never would have become the person I am today but through all the many lessons that kung fu has taught me I have truly become a better person. I have learned determination through all of the tough times when it felt as if I was only set up to fail. I have gained much better people skills and acceptance of others through teaching students on a daily basis. I have learned to stay humble through victories and hopeful through defeats, and to have the confidence to always get back up and try again. But most of all I feel that the leadership skills I have gained have helped me the most in my life by helping me break out of my shell. My passion for kung fu has made me want to share with others so that maybe, they too, can find their passion in martial arts and learn as much as I have.
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?
The last two paragraphs are interchangeable, i just don't know which one i like better.
Being shy as a child, I was never one to get out in front of group or be very outgoing in front of people I did not know. I normally stuck with my group of friends and was terribly afraid to branch out in new directions. One would have categorized me as a follower, defiantly not a leader and I probably would have stayed this way for most of my life if it were not for my brother's idea to join kung fu. Now, after doing kung fu for over five years, my attitude has been forever changed from all of the wonderful opportunities that have presented themselves to me.
Out of everything that kung fu has given me, the leadership opportunities would be the most significant one to my life. After doing kung fu for two years I was allowed to join the instructor trainee program where, along with accelerated training, I was learning the system in and out so I could become a certified instructor one day and finally be a leader. In this program, I assisted with the instructors who were running the class, allowing me to gain valuable teaching and leadership experience. Naturally this position was uncomfortable for me at first but after another two year journey and over 400 hours of teaching others, I came to love it. Now as an instructor I get to teach others through my passion for kung fu, and also help trainee's to reach their goal of becoming an instructor as well.
*Teaching kung fu has made me a much better martial artist because in order to teach something I must have a strong understanding of the material and how it works. Besides helping me become a more outgoing person, I have also learned so many other valuable lessons that I would have probably never been exposed to had I spent my days watching TV or playing video games. I have learned to stay hopeful through defeats and humble through victories. I have traveled to competitions all around the world meeting new people and observing different cultures. I have learned to set strong goals and use my imagination to help get where I need to be. Through my newly found outgoing nature I have met so many amazing people, including my best friend, who have had great influences my life. Kung fu helped me break out of my shell because I am so extremely passionate about it that I want to share with everyone so that maybe, they too, can find their passion in martial arts.
*Had I spent my days watching TV or playing video games then I never would have become the person I am today but through all the many lessons that kung fu has taught me I have truly become a better person. I have learned determination through all of the tough times when it felt as if I was only set up to fail. I have gained much better people skills and acceptance of others through teaching students on a daily basis. I have learned to stay humble through victories and hopeful through defeats, and to have the confidence to always get back up and try again. But most of all I feel that the leadership skills I have gained have helped me the most in my life by helping me break out of my shell. My passion for kung fu has made me want to share with others so that maybe, they too, can find their passion in martial arts and learn as much as I have.