Undergraduate / Stanford Roommate ('tidy person') and What matters ('I was chubby') [5]

revised, please take a look, thanks.

Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate - and us - know you better.

Dear future roommate,
It's great to finally meet you!
I have been anxiously waiting for today to arrive. Coming from Malaysia, living overseas will be a new experience for me. For starters, I'll be experiencing the four seasons for the first time. I cannot wait to teach you all about Malaysian lingo. But for now, I'll try to not let my 'lah's and 'lor's slip out.

I'm a generally tidy person, and like positioning my things at right angles. During exams, I may be a bit of a workaholic (aren't we all?) and go completely into study mode. I need my 8 hours and am normally in bed by 11, so I guess I won't be bothering you with late nights of cramming.

Being a huge fan of music, you'll probably find me humming a tune most of the time. I especially enjoy the vocal stylings of Mariah Carey, but also enjoy Beethoven's piano sonatas. If you play an instrument, I'd love nothing more than to make music with you. If not, we can have wild karaoke sessions in our room if you're up for that.

I also have an inordinate amount of stationery, and have a fascination with multifunctional pens. If you ever need to borrow one, I'll lend you two - one to use, and one as a spare. I'd like to share my interests with you, and hope that you'll do the same too. As a diehard foodie, you may find me drooling at pictures of curry on my computer screen from time to time.

As it'll be my first night here, I probably will call my family on Skype. If you don't mind, I'd like to introduce you to them as well. I cannot wait to read your note and meet you in person. Oh, in case you were wondering, I don't snore. I hope we have a great year together!

P.S. Later, how about we go for a meal together? It'll be a great way to get to know the area!

What matters to you, and why?
A few years back, I was chubby, had unruly hair and was one of the unlucky ones with bad skin. I used to get snide remarks about my appearance. Most of the time, critics are honest about their opinions. Although their words were demoralizing at first, I knew that they only contained a single grain of truth and have learned to take them in a positive light. My experience has taught me that beauty is only skin-deep. When I look around, it is not difficult to find beautiful people who have a completely opposite personality. I realized that a person's character reflects the beauty in his or her heart, and that outward beauty is not indicative of inner beauty.

However, I know that the criticism was meant to make me feel inferior. And yes, I did for a while but I didn't let it bring me down. I started exercising regularly, got better haircuts and took better care of my skin. I saw it as a wake-up call that perhaps I needed to maintain a healthy lifestyle and practise good habits. Although it may sound superficial, I believe that looking presentable goes a long way. Yet, it is always a pleasure to receive constructive criticism from people who have my best interests at heart. They have always been supportive while their words inspired me to push myself to new heights.

Criticism is ultimately inevitable. It has taught me a lot about myself and the critics themselves. I have learned to filter criticism and to heed the advice embedded in them(not too happy with this sentence: I want to say that I take only the good parts out). I am truly thankful for the people who care for me for motivating me and for shaping my moral values. In the end, what matters most to me is having the strength to accept and grow from criticism.

thanks.

Undergraduate / Stanford Roommate ('tidy person') and What matters ('I was chubby') [5]

Thanks, I think you really pointed out what I felt was lacking. I couldn't figure it out at first, but thanks!

Undergraduate / My Parents -Stanford Supplement Essay What matters to you [6]

Hey, thanks for your feedback on my essays.

I personally think that you could expand on how you felt as your mother embraced you and that the third paragraph could be reworded to present them in a more positive light. I especially think that 'Even when they did something really wrong' would not be the right way to represent them.

I found this prompt the hardest to write and would appreciate feedback on it if you have time.
Good luck!

Undergraduate / 'enjoyed puzzles and solving problems' - Stanford intellectual vitality [5]

Revised, still not too sure about the last sentence.

As I had always enjoyed puzzles and solving problems, mathematics had always been my favorite subject. Mathematics is logical, and always made sense. My curiosity towards mathematics heightened when I learned about proofs. A complete proof meant that the mathematical statement is true and cannot be refuted. I was even more intrigued by what constituted a valid proof as I learned the basics of induction and contradiction. More questions popped into my mind as I pondered over the concepts I learnt. Armed with a new mathematical tool, I found great joy in proving basic formulas like the arithmetic summation formula. I could finally rest at ease knowing that the derivative of sin(x) would always be cos(x) and understanding the principles behind it. When I saw how seemingly difficult questions like why there were an infinite number of primes could be solved with a simple yet creative proof, I was enchanted.

The concept of proof gave me insight as to how applied mathematics stood on the basic fundamentals which can never be shaken. When I was young, I had dreams of creating the next revolutionary gadget. As I realized that mathematics provided the foundation for a wide range of complex functions from optimizing production processes to devising a music composition program, I knew that I wanted to be able to be involved in various fields. Once, we were investigating the effects of gravity on a ball moving in simple harmonic motion. Through the application of appropriate formulas, we were able to solve the problem. I was captivated by how differential equations could be used to model our world and was captivated by the practicality of mathematics.

The concept of proof has not only established my understanding of mathematics, but has also made me more inquisitive about why things work in a certain way. Mathematics has ignited a desire in me to learn about the world, and I believe that the unique Mathematical and Computational Science program at Stanford will be a step closer to fulfilling my dream.

Undergraduate / 'enjoyed puzzles and solving problems' - Stanford intellectual vitality [5]

Thanks for the input. I was writing it and I realized that I didn't really know how to end, so I came up with that. I'll keep working on it.

Thanks once again.

Undergraduate / 'a new academic chapter' + 'why Lafayette' + 'Travel' + 'Equity' - supplements [19]

Ah, I see, then this is good! Hope to have helped.

Undergraduate / 'a new academic chapter' + 'why Lafayette' + 'Travel' + 'Equity' - supplements [19]

I see your pun the last sentence and I really like it . Just one more suggestion though, how about: I am a seasoned gambler and with my ability to analyze a risk and (make informed decisions), I bet my time at Lafayette will be rewarding. I think it would show that you're rational and have thought this through. But, I still think that if you have a particular attraction to Lafayette other than it's spirit would make your essay stronger.

Hope this helps.

Undergraduate / 'a new academic chapter' + 'why Lafayette' + 'Travel' + 'Equity' - supplements [19]

I am addicted to gambling. The higher the stakes, the sweeter the win! Slot machines (I think this works better, just a personal opinion) and poker chips however, were not the kind of gambling that got my blood boiling; taking risks were. The Cur Non spirit that exemplifies Lafayette too encourages students to take risks. The alumni and campus facilities provide students with the ability to create their own destiny.( I think you could specify something in particular that you might participate in college) I am a step ahead of the game and, given that I am an experienced gambler, (a little bit more elaboration on why should be good)there is no doubt in my mind that Lafayette is the place for me.

Undergraduate / 'the piano for the freedom' - Commonapp: Elaboration activities [3]

Thanks so much for your feedback. Will do.

I agree that the reflect and think sentence is still pretty awkward. I'll try to work on that.

Thanks again.