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Posts by marshizzle1
Joined: Dec 27, 2011
Last Post: Dec 29, 2011
Threads: 2
Posts: 5  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 7
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marshizzle1   
Dec 29, 2011
Writing Feedback / Johns Hopkins: Tell us something about yourself that we wouldn't know... [6]

See, but I think I could be hilarious and dramatic on the first topic. The point of the second is to demonstrate my ability to write poetry (so I CAN write a Shakespearean sonnet), and I need ideas to flesh out the third...

Thanks all for the advice!
marshizzle1   
Dec 29, 2011
Undergraduate / Common Application Short Answer: Basketball [7]

This essay was riddled with grammatical errors...you should emphasize how basketball has developed YOU more than what you do on evenings at parks.
marshizzle1   
Dec 29, 2011
Undergraduate / Global - Networking NYU - Why NYU? [2]

It should end on some anecdote about NYU, because otherwise it sounds cut off. Good job though!
marshizzle1   
Dec 29, 2011
Writing Feedback / Johns Hopkins: Tell us something about yourself that we wouldn't know... [6]

The prompt is:
Tell us something about yourself or your interests that we wouldn't learn by looking at the rest of your application materials. (While you should still pay attention to sentence structure and grammar, your response is meant as a way for us to get to know you, rather than a formal essay.) 250 words

There are several topics I am thinking of writing for this essay:

-I was planning on submitting my application yesterday, but the day before, I got a violent bout of orifice expulsion...pillars of vomit were expelled from my mouth, and I was bed ridden for two days...after my birthday dinner.

-I sometimes fancy myself a poet...I was planning on writing a sonnet (or ballad) about my love of Johns Hopkins, and how I love all types of art: music, painting, drawing, prose, poetry, etc.

-On the Productivity of Post-Midnight Hours...I'm sure all of you can relate to me on this!
-other ideas?

THANKS! :)
marshizzle1   
Dec 29, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Vibrant layers and black canvas' - Common App Short Answer: Art [5]

[Moved from]: Elaborating on my passion for art (Common App Short Answer)

I like it! I can identify with it, as I love art as well. However, I think you should vary your sentences a bit. Try to include shorter sentences with some longer, passionate ones. Also, I'm sure lots of kids are writing about their love of art, so try to define yours a bit; make it unique.
marshizzle1   
Dec 27, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Romanticism' + 'A girl with dreams' - NYU application essays [5]

What intrigues you? Tell us about one work of art, scientific achievement, piece of literature, method of communication, or place in the world (a film, book, performance, website, event, location, etc.), and explain its significance to you. 1500

Concordant major and minor scales do nothing but bore me. Mundane paintings of fruit and birds should be hung only in offices. So what's intriguing? Romanticism: a reaction to the Industrial Revolution emphasizing awe in aesthetic pursuits. That's boring. Romanticism, visceral and raw, sought emotion and frenzy from its followers, to please no one but themselves until those hot, strange tears spilled on the face in passionate, human agony. At five, when I first started piano lessons, I preferred dynamics over technicality. Since, I've explored the twisted worlds of Chopin and Tchaikovsky until mellifluous melodies flowed in my head and out through my hands. Over the years, I've learned all of Chopin's Nocturnes and memorized The Tempest, my favorite of all Beethoven's movements. I'm drained after I play Romantic music, the energy and anger and passion stormed onto ivory until I am left in stupor. But the delight doesn't end at sound. Turner paints dreamscapes, as I call them, terrifying portrayals of nature overpowering man in colorful, turbulent collision. Friedrich's wanderer is where I want to be, atop a rocky mountain overlooking a sea of fog with black tips protruding from the mist. And I have all but fallen in love with Lord Byron, with his mysterious outpouring of words that expresses exactly the sentiment I want a man to feel for me. Dark, brooding, sensual; that is what's intriguing of Romanticism.

Why NYU?

I'm a girl with dreams. Unattainable aspirations, hopeless desires, unfulfilled wishes. Don't get me wrong; my suburban home is wonderful! Our facilities are polished and our education impeccable. Homes are grand and overstocked with food, gadgets, clothes, everything. We have restaurants and a mall and a large library. But I can't shake that restless feeling, that thirst for adventure and magic and a bustling crowd. Where can I find it? The grand artist's capital, New York. I want to do something, to be involved and make a fool of myself. I want to join a group that raises funds for the famine in Somalia. I want to make money by sketching strangers on the street. I want to compete in a poetry slam and lose. The lights, the snow, the people, the inspiration, the endless possibilities! I could go stark raving mad ranting about the delights of New York City, but I won't. After all, it's the school I'll be spending time at, not frolicking in the city. The faculty at NYU is knowledgeable and experienced in their fields, from what I've researched, and professors are more than willing to help students, even outside of class. There are many classes I'd love to take, making myself a well-rounded undergraduate ready for the adulthood. If anything, there are so many things I'm wildly fascinated with, from medicine to painting to psychology to film, that this university would be the perfect place for me to explore options and diversify. I would be honored to attend NYU.
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