Unanswered [18] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by ABP
Joined: Dec 27, 2011
Last Post: Dec 28, 2011
Threads: 2
Posts: 2  

From: Indonesia

Displayed posts: 4
sort: Latest first   Oldest first  | 
ABP   
Dec 28, 2011
Undergraduate / "Dinesh! Dinesh!" COMMON APP [3]

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

The team was 3-1 down with five minutes remaining in the game. We were dominating the game, controlling the ball possession and creating lots of chances, but we never really capitalized on it.

"Dinesh! Dinesh!" I shouted loudly as Oliver and I kept the lateral movement, trying to get free from the Manila defender. I received the ball and looked up, chipped it over the defender to Jonathan who was making the penetrating run inside the penalty box. Then I heard, as the referee ran from the halfway line to the six-yard box, pointing to the penalty spot, the ear shrieking sound of the referee's whistle. I knew this was our chance to get back into the game. Suddenly I heard my coach, Jurrien, shouted, "Tony, you take it." I grabbed the ball with uncertainty and placed it on the penalty spot; my heart beats faster each time, as I felt the pressure getting to me. I took a couple of steps back, trying to compose myself as I waited for the referee to blow his whistle. I nervously ran up wanting to blast the ball into the center of the goal, but I leaned back too much and watched the ball went sky high.

I didn't want to look up; I couldn't hide the embarrassment of missing that penalty from my parents, my coaches and the crowd. Moreover, at the last second of the game, to add to my misery, we got a consolation goal and made it 3-2. I felt even worse because now I know that if I scored that penalty, we could've gone to extra time. The referee blew the final whistle. We lost to International School of Manila and finished fourth. I fell to the ground with embarrassment and tears came pouring down from my eyes. I felt like I have disappointed my coaches who had their full confidence in me about that penalty.

"Another great season, but not the results we expected and wanted in IASAS. How could this happen, what have I done wrong as a coach? Another group of golden boys, similar to the boys I had three years ago. Why didn't they perform in IASAS? Especially against the team that we know we are better. These boys deserved so much more. We finished fourth and missed a golden opportunity again at the last moment. I felt sorry for Tony, he played well, but that penalty will surely haunt him. It wasn't his fault, the team never really performed in the games that we should be winning. I can't blame him, he put on a good performance in this tournament in Singapore."

I came up to my coaches, Jurrien, Pedro, and Schwartz with tears of regret and said sorry to them. Jurrien looked me in the eye and said, "It's not your fault Tony, you played really well, but these things happen; remember three years ago when Will Julius missed the penalty against Singapore American school, these things happen Tony, don't worry about it, don't let it overcome you, just learn from it."

Yet, I struggled to accept the reality, the fact that almost every other people that were not on the team blamed me for the loss. My friends, who I thought would give me their full support, even criticized me for missing the penalty, "How could you not score that penalty? You could at least hit the target! It was all your fault that the team didn't get a medal." I was saddened, however, at the same time, I appreciated their honesty, since their honesty help me understand that my coach, Jurrien, was right and that I should learn from this experience, become even stronger. That incident wasn't my finest moment in Singapore, people might even remember me for the wrong reasons, but really it was one of the moments that I could never forget. It was significant experience and transition in my life, which helps me realize that doing things with confidence is one of the keys to success. From that moment, I was able to build up my self-confident not only on the soccer field, but also in classes, which strengthen one of my academic qualities of being a better public speaker.

I know its a bit long, but please take time and review my essay! thnx so much, will return the favor by reading and commenting on your essays..

thanks guys!
ABP   
Dec 28, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Dear Admissions Staff, I don't give a Shih Tzu' [19]

hey,

thanks for reading and commenting my essay, but can you give me advice on what kind of things I should put so that it doesn't seem like Im listing my facts?

n btw, both of your essays are very-well written, especially the "'Dear Admissions Staff, I don't give a Shih Tzu'", it's very unique and interesting and I think the reviews that the others are giving you are great comments and I agree with it.

thanks alot, good luck..
ABP   
Dec 28, 2011
Undergraduate / 'to build my own standing' - roommate BABSON SUPP [4]

hey,

thanks for reading and commenting my essay, but can you give me advice on what kind of things I should put so that it doesn't seem like Im listing my facts?

n btw, both of your essays are very-well written, especially the "'Dear Admissions Staff, I don't give a Shih Tzu'", it's very unique and interesting and I think the reviews that the others are giving you are great comments and I agree with it.

thanks alot, good luck..
ABP   
Dec 27, 2011
Undergraduate / 'to build my own standing' - roommate BABSON SUPP [4]

Please comment and help me edit my babson supp! thnx

Write a letter to your first-year roommate at Babson. Tell him or her what it will be like to live with you, why you chose Babson, and what you are looking forward to the most in college:

Dear Roommate,

Hey, I just received my letter of acceptance and I am really excited about the prospect of going to Babson College. Since we are going to be roommates, I thought I'd write you a letter to introduce myself. Well, I am Indonesian and I've been living in Indonesia my whole life. A few more details about myself: I love playing soccer and have been playing since I was 9; I am also a part of the Varsity soccer team in high school. Moreover, I also have a passion in music; I play numerous kinds of musical instruments such as drum, guitar and bass. I enjoy playing musical instruments as I can really express myself through music for instance, performing in school events and in my church every week. Thus I want to apologize in advance, if I disturb you in times, practicing my instruments or juggling with my soccer ball, in our room.

Babson is widely known for its Business and liberal arts program. However, for me, Babson is more than just a respectable business and liberal arts school. Have you visited the Babson's campus? I have and I felt in love from the moment I first visited the school especially with the environment both in and around the school. I was already amazed when I passed the fine-looking golf course as I was still on my way to Babson and when I finally arrived in the campus, it intrigues me even more as the natural beauty of the greenery and the freshness of the air got to me. In addition, the fact that Babson College is made up of a diverse community and provides great numbers of events, clubs and athletics programs is a great fit for me because I have spent all my high school years in an International school. Also as I'm planning to continue playing soccer in college, a Babson division three soccer team looks very reasonable and I'd love to be a part of it. Combining all the factors together, I believe that the decent programs and the sensible attractive activities will help me adapt efficiently to Babson's Magnificent environment and help me achieve my academic and personal goals of being part of a Babson community and becoming a successful Babson graduate, since adjusting quickly to a new environment is one of the factors I believe to be successful when studying abroad. I'm sure that you will have no problem in adjusting to the school as well.

I want college to become a way for me to build my own standing. As I grew up with a bigger brother and sister, my parents are sometimes over-protective with me; thus, there is some nervousness in about studying abroad. Yet, I am certain this challenge will in time, after I adapt to the environment, alter my personality into a strong independent person. I'm also looking forward to meeting new people from all around the world as well as enjoying the beautiful city of Boston and in particular, the snow in winter! I hope this can help you get to know me better; I'm looking forward to hearing about you! See you in Babson!

Sincerely,

Your new friend
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳