Undergraduate / UC application (Activities & Awards, community service, additional comments [3]

can anyone read over application (just some sections)
and tell me if there is grammar problems or any other problems? please//

*I need some help on the Activities & Awards section:

Artisan Club : I produce animated movie in this club. I am in charge of producing and editing photoshop work.

Asian Pacific Club : Asian Pacific Club secretary. I take care of all the paper work, make a plan for a meeting and club activities.

Cross Country Team: Girls' junior varsity team

Track Team :Girls' varstiy team long distance runner

*Community Service
Marian Medical Center: I organized and delivered medical supplies, and took care of all inventories at the center.

*Personal statement #3-Additional Comments
(Unless you were directed earlier in the application to clarify or expand on other information (e.g., to list additional names, explain citizenship/visa issues, discuss reasons for applying to EOP, etc.), this section is optional. If you wish, you may use this space to tell us anything else you want us to know about you or your academic record that you have not had the opportunity to describe elsewhere in the application. )

I took Honors Geometry class in my sophomore year. I could not take AP U.S.Government class because it was canceled. I was not eligible to keep volunteering in Marian Medical Center because I did not have social security number.

I am not sure what i should write on the 3rd personal statement.
please anyone help me//

THANK YOU:)

Undergraduate / "a pen that he could borrow" - UC promt#2 [3]

Prompt #2:
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

One day in tenth grade English class, a classmate asked me if I had a pen that he could borrow. I handed over my pen to him without saying anything. And I realized I had been duped: he had not really needed my pen, and was only looking for an occasion to provoke me. He had been making fun of me for a long time. Every time he had done this to me, I was frozen and couldn't find anything to say in response.

I had such a hard time responding to this classmate because I was in a new country; I couldn't find the right words to say because I was not comfortable with the language yet. I had been censured the teacher in front of the class because I did not quite understand her and had made a mistake. I was too ashamed to look at my classmates. I felt that I did not belong here at all. Back at the Catholic school I had attended in Korea, I had been president of the ministry club, which was an influential student organization. I managed all the religious programs and events. I had great influence and confidence as a president. As a person who leads others and takes responsibility, I always took pride in my position. But since I had moved to United States and started school, dreadful experiences with both classmates and teachers made me diffident person. I was crestfallen because of those troubles, and it deterred me from being the active person I had been and still wanted to be.

Eventually, though, I mustered the courage to join the Asian Pacific Club. One day, club members gathered to plan for the club carnival. But we were not quite prepared. As I watched the members of my club bicker about collision of ideas, I felt the need to speak up. Yet equally strong were the memories of my classmates making fun of me, of my inability to make myself understood. But I weighed the possibility of being embarrassed personally against the possibility of my entire club being humiliated in public, and I decided to take action.

I suggested some other ideas and we finally found the solution from one of my suggestions. We decided to make special foods to sell. It was quite simple but also the considerable idea. I showed them working actively and they started follow my lead. I took responsibility for finishing up till late, and we could get great advantages from carnival. "Sam, you are our hero!" "You saved our club!" All members seemed to glad we were success. It allayed my cowardice of people in new country, and it also furthered my willingness to take participate progressively.

is there any problems in here?
I need your help//
please give me some advice

Thank you

Undergraduate / "my understanding of communication" - UC prompt#1 [4]

<please critique>

prompt#1
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

Accompanied by mellifluous music and brilliant lights, I was dancing on the spacious stage. The performance seemed to delight the audience. All of the audience members were giving a standing ovation for me. I started to bow to them and wave my hand as my face stretched out into a genuine smile. I could feel the pride that I had never felt before. After the performance, people still wanted to see me and talk to me. They gave me a bouquet of flowers and gifts.

This performance was planned by one of my history teacher. One day, my history teacher suggested that I visit the senior citizens' home. He told me that people in senior citizens' home would be very pleasant, and also I would have a wonderful experience. I was not sure what exactly senior citizens' home was. I thought it was just a place that many of old people gather around. When my teacher suggested the idea, my mind raced with visions of eerily ancient, withered hands and faces. My own preconceptions about the elderly caused me a good deal of unnecessary fear. Apparently, my teacher could sense my concern. "Don't worry," he said, "You'll have a good time." I made one group with some of my friends, and we planed dance performance for the people in senior citizens' home. I practiced enthusiastically.

There were myriad people, including retired and disabled people in there. After my teacher introduced our group, we began the performance we had been practicing very diligently. Instead of a stage, we had a bare floor; instead of stage lights, we had a fluorescent lamp. This initially caused me some embarrassment, but I was determined to keep dancing. Everything I expected was not there at all, and I quite disappointed. And even cassette player was too old; we were having a problem with music too. But I kept dancing with a bland smile. I was hoping that they would understand my true heart. Eventually, people started react on our performance. They started move their bodies and dance with rhythm delightfully, and as soon as we were done they gave us a hearty warm cheer. They were touched by our performance, and my heart was full.

I had conversations with them after the performance. They mostly talked about their families. They told me that I made them remembered their granddaughters. They treated me as their real granddaughters too. I could feel how much they were missing their families and they were feeling loneliness. They gave treats and some of their keepsakes, such as bracelets they made, to my friends and me with saying thank us for the performance. Meant more to me than any of the gifts and flowers. I was surprised that they were pleased more than I expected. I realized that extended stage or colorful lights were not very important for communicating each other.

The senior citizens' home is not just a place where old people live out their last days. It is a place allows the elderly to ease their loneliness and pains, and obtain relief from sharing and communicating each other. Although the performance actually was not a grand spectacle, everyone enjoyed it. I believe the people in senior citizens' home have read my heart. Communication processes when people truly understand each other. This experience dispelled my preconceptions and gave me a new perspective about community. It was the beginning of my understanding of communication, and now I have a dream to interpret and construct people's massages through communication.

-

please give me some advice
i need your help//