Posts by Youdotchan

Youdotchan

Dec 29, 2011

Undergraduate / 'Humans made of' / 'Alarm clocks' - Tufts Personal/World Outlook Essays [2]

I like your essay a lot, because they were about food. But in your first essay, you might want to change this sentence: "Made with the perfect spiciness, the softest kidney beans and awonderful sauce, it is a delicacy." It starts off with a past tense verb and changes to the present tense with "it is a delicacy." Either change it to be all past or all present. You might also want to fix "perfect spiciness" because it doesn't sound correct, you could say perfect blend of spices or spice blend.

Also you might want to limit the amount of time you use "especially food" in your last two sentences. I think one should be the limit

For the second essay, it seems a bit off for me. Its not the concept but rather how you word it.
The only livestock we had were cows.
I think even though you only used "digression" twice, it seems overused.
halfway is one word.
You really did not talk about your friends, so I did not get why you would be more adventurous than them. The exploring the forest while they played in park wasn't really enough for me but that might just be me.

I'd change "orchard" to farm in your second to last sentence.

Youdotchan

Dec 29, 2011

Undergraduate / The true rudeness of a scoff - Amherst Essay [4]

Thanks and I completely agree with you. I was really iffy about the foreigner thing; I wanted to write something about being naturally great at math but I was running out of characters so I panicked...

Youdotchan

Dec 29, 2011

Undergraduate / 'Where is Albania' - UPenn supplement short answer [7]

I don't know if this is a personal thing but you might want to address some of the pronouns you use? For example when you say "it was easier for them" Who are the "them"?

Also it should be: it was easier for them to recognize me as Italian.

I also didn't get the last sentence because you said you were ashamed of being Albanian but you said in your second sentence that you've always introduce yourself as an Albanian.

Other than that, I don't see anything wrong with it. I also really enjoyed reading your last few sentences; they were great.

Youdotchan

Dec 29, 2011

Writing Feedback / Johns Hopkins: Tell us something about yourself that we wouldn't know... [6]

I'd go with the post midnight. It's an idea alot people can relate to but not come up with. Just think about how fun it would be to write about how post midnight hunger fuels your drive to apply for college.

Youdotchan

Dec 29, 2011

Undergraduate / The true rudeness of a scoff - Amherst Essay [4]

Prompt: "Difficulty need not foreshadow despair or defeat. Rather achievement can be all the more satisfying because of obstacles surmounted."

Title: The true rudeness of a *scoff*

Essay: At the end of eighth grade, life was a breeze. I graduated with top honors out of the forty kids in my class, with hopes of doing the same in high school. Let's just say, having hope was one thing, applying it was another. My high school schedule included the most difficult classes I could take; one being honors algebra II. Upon entry into the class, everyone was asked to turn in their completed summer assignments. I was utterly dumbfounded. What completion? What assignment? What ignoramus would possibly assign work over summer? As Mrs. Ahern went about the rows, collecting the mandatory assignments, I sat quietly in my seat, cowering in what seems to be a mixture of fear and post-gym sweat. Once she got to me, I flashed her an awkward smile. I told her that I was unaware we had an assignment and she replied with a question, "What school did you go to?" I answered, "The Charter." Her rebuttal was a scoff, followed by a, "That's why." "You're failing me, aren't you?"I instantly thought. Over the progression of the course, I was barely keeping up. Apparently, I had not realized that my Charter school only finished up half of pre-algebra. I was one and a half algebra level behind. But although I had trouble with the course and teacher, I was foreign and foreigners are stereotypically great at mathematics. Throughout the course, I gradually became one of Mrs. Ahern's favorites, earning one of the highest grades in the class. In the end, it was not the grade that was the achievement but rather the new perspective that dawned upon my algebra teacher. It was satisfying to know she believed in me, and hopefully any future student who comes from the "ghetto."

Please be critical, harsh or whatever you have to be...

Also, do anyone know if I have to rewrite the prompt into my essay once I submit it?