sunsetblossom
Dec 30, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Tutored English writing' - Admissions Tutors interest essay [4]
Hi there,
So I'll just look at the grammar first:
1. "my only leisure activity" -- leisure is generally used as a noun, meaning "free time". Maybe something like, "the only activity I did at my leisure"?
2. "reading The New York Times daily" -- You should probably quote "The New York Times".
3. "send it to The Korea Times" -- same as #2.
4. "Since March, 2010," -- This is slightly awkward because of the commas. To make it more fluid, you could probably just switch out the comma for "of" : "Since March of 2010..."
5. You abbreviate HKU. I will make an assumption in that you would probably want to type out the entire name of the university. Generally that is the safer route to take. :)
6. "will not only strengthen my writing skill, but will expose me" -- I would recommend you add the world "also" before "expose me", because it is the second thing that "HKU's strong journalism program" will give you. um, Does that make sense? "It will not only strengthen my writing skills, but will also expose me to..."
7. "to work hand by hand with the world's renowned journalists" -- the "Hand by hand" part is awkward. Maybe what you meant was "side by side"?
8. "wide array of professors is actual journalists and major researchers" -- change the "is" to "are".
9. Finally, please watch out for contractions: "I've". I know for a fact that many, many readers do not like them.
As a little P.S., I felt like the final paragraph regarding yourself is a little disconnected from the rest of the essay. If it is possible, try to connect the two, because that final paragraph seems to have little to do with journalism besides the fact that you show interest in language/linguistics. Maybe draw FROM those experiences why you want to study journalism even more!
Hi there,
So I'll just look at the grammar first:
1. "my only leisure activity" -- leisure is generally used as a noun, meaning "free time". Maybe something like, "the only activity I did at my leisure"?
2. "reading The New York Times daily" -- You should probably quote "The New York Times".
3. "send it to The Korea Times" -- same as #2.
4. "Since March, 2010," -- This is slightly awkward because of the commas. To make it more fluid, you could probably just switch out the comma for "of" : "Since March of 2010..."
5. You abbreviate HKU. I will make an assumption in that you would probably want to type out the entire name of the university. Generally that is the safer route to take. :)
6. "will not only strengthen my writing skill, but will expose me" -- I would recommend you add the world "also" before "expose me", because it is the second thing that "HKU's strong journalism program" will give you. um, Does that make sense? "It will not only strengthen my writing skills, but will also expose me to..."
7. "to work hand by hand with the world's renowned journalists" -- the "Hand by hand" part is awkward. Maybe what you meant was "side by side"?
8. "wide array of professors is actual journalists and major researchers" -- change the "is" to "are".
9. Finally, please watch out for contractions: "I've". I know for a fact that many, many readers do not like them.
As a little P.S., I felt like the final paragraph regarding yourself is a little disconnected from the rest of the essay. If it is possible, try to connect the two, because that final paragraph seems to have little to do with journalism besides the fact that you show interest in language/linguistics. Maybe draw FROM those experiences why you want to study journalism even more!
