Posts by ehrohrer

ehrohrer

Dec 31, 2011

Undergraduate / Robotics Club and Learning to Plan: Rochester Supplement for edit [4]

Thanks for the advice guys! I really didn't like my second essay, so I completely rewrote it. Any edits or criticism on it?

2. Meliora: 'Ever better' - The University's motto, Meliora, directs our focus toward continual improvement through research, understanding, and collaborative efforts. Offer an example from your personal experience of an obstacle you faced or a problem you identified. Describe the actions you took and the result. (125 Word Max)

When I entered high school, I began to have problems that I had never faced. I struggled with self-esteem, finding friends, and occasionally bullying. While most other teens could turn to their parents, I couldn't. I live in a household where it's believed that problems should be made into jokes as a coping method. Without my family to turn to for advice, I went to the only person I felt I had, myself. I started to become an introspective person. Whenever was having problems, I would go on jogs or lay down. My problems did not immediately go away, but I began to learn how I should address problems. Now I feel that with a little bit of private time, I can handle any problem.

ehrohrer

Dec 31, 2011

Undergraduate / 'serve on the FUHSD school board' - Common App: Extracurricular - too boring? [4]

Your essay answers the prompt, but is rather bland because you are not reflective. Maybe talk about why you wanted this position. It seem's like this position is a big honor, but what does it mean to you. Like you said, you represent over 10,000 students, how do you handle having this responsibility?

ehrohrer

Dec 31, 2011

Undergraduate / 'Moving away and going to college' - Stanford Roommate Letter [21]

I loved your introduction and conclusion to the second essay. You could shorten down the intro some since you start every sentence with "I wish I could tell you..."

Since we are going to be spending quite a bit of time together, I want to introduce myself. I wish I could tell you I'm neat and organized, was the coolest guy in high school, excel at every sport and instrument known to man, and get all of the girls, but if I did, unfortunately, I'd be lying.

I like how your first essay talks about specific aspects of your personality (sports, taking things apart, etc), but it sounds almost as if your talking up to them. Your second essay has a much friendlier and casual tone, but it seems as if your just listing things.

I think that you should use the structure first essay, but tone and topic of your second essay. Pick 2 or 3 of the things you mentioned in your second essay and elaborate on them. Why is it that you chose to sit on the floor? You say you'll be helpful, do you already stay up late helping your friends cram? What is it about debating that you love?

Hope this helps!

ehrohrer

Dec 31, 2011

Undergraduate / Robotics Club and Learning to Plan: Rochester Supplement for edit [4]

Here are my short responses for my Rochester Supplement. Would you please read over it and edit it or provide feedback? I'll return the favor, thanks!

1. Why Rochester? - Rochester students live on campus together but commit to self-direction and self-determination through our curriculum. Independent, confident thinkers who ''play well with others'' thrive here. Show us how this uncommon intersection of traits describes you, and tell us why you would excel at Rochester. (125 Word Max)

As co-manager of a robotics group, I find myself trying to both plan my team's course of action and work with them to create our robot. In order to have a productive team, I take the initiative, prior to meetings, to research potential designs that we may use. Some designs are simple and time efficient, while others are time consuming but would work very effectively. As co-manager, I must weigh my options and confidently chose a design that I feel will be feasible and functional. Afterwards, my work continues. I must work alongside my team members in order to make the designs become a solid robot. I feel that my ability think and plan individually and also collaboratively work will let me prosper at Rochester.

2. Meliora: 'Ever better' - The University's motto, Meliora, directs our focus toward continual improvement through research, understanding, and collaborative efforts. Offer an example from your personal experience of an obstacle you faced or a problem you identified. Describe the actions you took and the result. (125 Word Max)

When my grandfather became terminally ill with cancer, it seemed as if my relaxed world shattered. With my parents busy taking care of him, chores now fell upon me at an alarming rate and felt unbearable. I was spending all of my time doing school work or chores and neglecting my grandpa in his last days; I was struggling to balance my life. I had to manage my time more efficiently to be able to do all of these things, so I bought an agenda and started to plan out my days a week in advanced. It took time and commitment to learn to follow my schedule but eventually, I was finally able have the time I needed to spend time with my grandpa.