Posts by littlekitty

littlekitty

Dec 30, 2011

Undergraduate / "Explain Unicorns" - Help with Ideas for UMICH Honors Program Essay [9]

Thank you for editing my paper.
Really solid essay. Imagery and storytelling were great. I agree with pj though, the ending is a little cliche, if not cheesy.
I'm still not entirely understanding your full explanation of unicorns - are you just conveying that its a heroic figure that proved to the little girl that she could do anything? Well I think you should somehow tie the effect of the unicorn saving the princess more cohesively with what the girl wished to do, which is ride a bike. I had to reread the beginning to remember that the girl watched other girls ride a bike.

The essay was really good. I love how descriptive it was. Good luck!

littlekitty

Dec 29, 2011

Undergraduate / BU short essay; I have chosen to proceed with our forbidden love [2]

Short Essay: In a few sentences, please tell us why BU is a good fit for you and what specifically has led you to apply for admission?

Born in New Jersey, I grew up a die-hard Yankees fan, automatically creating a hatred towards the Red Sox. Since BU is a five minute drive from Fenway Park, I always assumed I should hate it as well. Yet after doing research on BU, I found myself developing a forbidden love for it. The university provides rich diversity, enabling students to participate in enriched discussions, encounter new viewpoints, and broaden their own beliefs, all important for me as a political science major. Additionally interested in law, I can further understand the subject on a global perspective through BU's semester-abroad programs. I have a secret desire to create a love story like Romeo and Juliet, so despite disapproval from Yankee fans, I have chosen to proceed with our forbidden love.

Someone please offer their opinion or advice about this. I'm not sure if I showed enough about myself or about why I want to go to BU. I feel as if it is sort of corny as well. Idk! Also I know there's several grammar mistakes somewhere in this so please help fix that!!!

Thanks.