Posts by caite93

caite93

Dec 30, 2011

Undergraduate / 'My favorite color is blue, I like dogs' - Stanford Supplement: Roomate Letter [9]

Very good essays! I'm pretty sure you'll get into Stanford. I don't see anything wrong with the first one. In the second one, you say "by letting you know a little but ..." It should be bit, just a typo. This essay really makes me want to be your roommate (even though I'm a girl)! That should be a good sign. In the third essay, remember that "soccer" is not a proper noun and therefore does not need to be capitalized. I noticed you capitalized it sometimes and didn't other times. Also, in "the main reason's my group of friends," it should be reasons, with no apostrophe. And with "nations were soccer is the top sport," were should be where. Your passion really comes through, though. I love soccer, too!

I hope this was helpful!

caite93

Dec 30, 2011

Writing Feedback / 'This Little Box of Ours' - essay competition [4]

This is really good! I would just make a few little changes.
Murakami does not merely portray the life of a woman who cannot sleep, but in effectually , he presents a dilemma that we find various societies facing, including Japanese society.

"In effectually" should be just "in effect."
No one else could do this for her; not even her husband, because he could not understand, after all he was just a man as well.

I think just a comma would work instead of a semicolon. Semicolons are used to join two sentences together, and the second part is not, by itself, a sentence. Also, I think the last part after the last comma could be its own sentence.

Hopefully this is helpful!

caite93

Dec 30, 2011

Undergraduate / 'We'll be like a family' - Stanford - letter to future roommate [2]

This is the prompt: Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommateïand usïknow you better.

Dear future roommate,
Since we presumably will be spending a good amount of time together, you will probably get to know me pretty well eventually, but I'm sure you would like to know what to expect.. I am from Greenville, a small town in Pennsylvania, where practically everyone knows each other. I love my hometown, but the winters there are nasty, which is why Stanford's warmer weather is so attractive to me. I'm a runner, so good weather is especially meaningful to me because it enables me to go for a jog any time I feel like it. Sports are important to me. I have always enjoyed not just playing sports but cheering in the stands for my school's sports teams, especially football and basketball. I visited Carnegie Mellon University this summer and was encouraged to apply, but their sports teams are less than impressive. I knew I needed a college where I could be proud of the athletics. I can't wait to come to Stanford and cheer in the student section.

My sister, Susy, is two years younger than me and has always been my best friend. We have our fights, but they usually last only minutes. When I was in tenth grade, Susy was diagnosed with anorexia. She lived in the eating disorder ward of a hospital two hours away for almost 3 months. It was really different to live without her. When she came back, I had to learn to watch what I said, so I didn't trigger her to starve herself again. It used to be that "skinny" and "fat" were some of the most common words between the two of us. Her anorexia has taught me to be more aware of others' feelings and more accepting of their differences.

College is an exciting time, a time for new independence from our families. We will be each other's family away from home. I am looking forward to meeting you and to the experiences we will have together.

In great anticipation,
your future roommate

What do you think?