This is the prompt: Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommateïand usïknow you better.
Dear future roommate,
Since we presumably will be spending a good amount of time together, you will probably get to know me pretty well eventually, but I'm sure you would like to know what to expect.. I am from Greenville, a small town in Pennsylvania, where practically everyone knows each other. I love my hometown, but the winters there are nasty, which is why Stanford's warmer weather is so attractive to me. I'm a runner, so good weather is especially meaningful to me because it enables me to go for a jog any time I feel like it. Sports are important to me. I have always enjoyed not just playing sports but cheering in the stands for my school's sports teams, especially football and basketball. I visited Carnegie Mellon University this summer and was encouraged to apply, but their sports teams are less than impressive. I knew I needed a college where I could be proud of the athletics. I can't wait to come to Stanford and cheer in the student section.
My sister, Susy, is two years younger than me and has always been my best friend. We have our fights, but they usually last only minutes. When I was in tenth grade, Susy was diagnosed with anorexia. She lived in the eating disorder ward of a hospital two hours away for almost 3 months. It was really different to live without her. When she came back, I had to learn to watch what I said, so I didn't trigger her to starve herself again. It used to be that "skinny" and "fat" were some of the most common words between the two of us. Her anorexia has taught me to be more aware of others' feelings and more accepting of their differences.
College is an exciting time, a time for new independence from our families. We will be each other's family away from home. I am looking forward to meeting you and to the experiences we will have together.
In great anticipation,
your future roommate
What do you think?
Dear future roommate,
we presumably we will be spending a good amount oflots of time together, you will probably get to know me pretty well eventually , but I'm sure you would like to know what to expect. you should reword this. of course you are about to tell her more about you I am from Greenville, a small town in Pennsylvania, where practically everyone knows each other.
You should not mention CMU in a Stanford essay. also your sentence about sports is important should be reworded. also the part about your sister susy should be taken out. the AC wants to know about more about you. the essay needs more of your personality and voice and I don't read it.