Undergraduate / UC Prompt #2 - Jean Paul [2]

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are? *

When I showed up to try out for the soccer team at the Don Juan Middle School, I had my doubts. The field was small, and grass was dug out here and there. The soccer goals were rusted and did not have nets. Twelve players, barely the required number for a proper team, practiced before me with much energy and laughter.

I had just arrived in the United States from Seoul and did not speak a word in English. In Seoul, I had lost my passion for soccer because my coach beat us up whenever we lost or made a mistake even during a practice. Soccer was no longer the same sport I played when I was 10 years old. At one point, I hated it so much that I started to avoid practices and games, telling all kinds of excuses to my coach. Basically, I had given up on soccer. But since no coach would beat up his players in America, and I figured it would be a good opportunity to make to new friends, I said "why not?" The tryout was easy; my new coach Jean Paul asked me if I liked soccer and I lied and said yes.

I was in."J.P.," as he was known, was my first coach in this country. In addition to the fact that he seemed not to care much about winning and competing, he was seventy years old with gray hair and a chubby belly that betrayed his standing as an athlete. He had come from Amsterdam only a few years before I did, and his English was so clumsy that even I noticed it. We were not exactly the best communicators; when he wanted to point out a problem in my defending, he would shuffle sideways, jump, and run around. The funny thing was, he coached the whole team this way, not just me.

While he would start by shouting out directions, by the end he would always be running around like a madman- jumping, swinging his leg, shaking his head, sprinting and stopping to demonstrate what was wrong with our play. If my shot went way off the goal, he would stop the practice and demonstrate his purposely-correct form over and over again until I showed him by shaking my head that I really got it. When I made a shot that went straight to the goalkeeper, he would always say, "That's his lunch," and pretend he was eating the ball. Even though I did not understand a word he said, his loud voice and the emotion he showed spoke to me.

Somehow, I loved being coached by him. I loved it not because I learned more about the technical side of the game; I loved it because it brought a new energy to my passion for soccer. Also, I idolized him not only because he had impassioned me, but also because he had proved me that one could speak to the other's heart very clearly without English. Language was the wall that had separated me from this new society. However, within a month, J.P. had dismantled it. Since then, I do not feel hesitant to befriend someone for language barrier. He might not had been the best coach when it came to tactics or teaching us how to play as a team. However, he had been the best coach in my life that deep-rooted my passion for soccer and demolished the barrier against the new society.

Any suggestions higly appreciated thankyou!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:)

Undergraduate / "Imagine" by John Lennon; UC Promt 1- Morality Class [2]

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations. *

One day in my morality class in Seoul, my teacher Jung Yongmin entered the classroom in his typical hippie clothing: ragged sandals, faded pants, and a T-shirt stretched out at the neck. Although he was known for his eccentric personality and style, the way he dressed actually made him look like a man of simplicity and peace. That day, he carried an old and unshapely audiocassette player and once the classroom grew quiet, he asked if anybody had listened to the song "Imagine" by John Lennon. I remained silent, because I had not. However, within an hour, that song taught me a totally new philosophy that has since shaped my views on problems around the world.

This was in 2003, when the U.S. troops had just invaded Iraq. Mr. Jung began the class by showing us a slideshow of the atrocities suffered by the Iraqi civilians. I was horrified- and yet it still seemed so far away. After showing us the pictures, Mr. Jung placed the audiocassette player on the table in the middle of the classroom and pressed the play button. As the song "Imagine" came through the speakers, he started to sing along and dance around the classroom, gesticulating like an R&B singer and moving his body with the peaceful melody of the song. The slide show projected the translated lyrics so I was able to read along with the song, and the meaning of each line combined with the melody, moved me profoundly; "Imagine" became the first song I memorized in English.

When the song was over, Mr. Jung said that if everybody were like John Lennon, the world would be a much easier place to live. He said that if people could free themselves from greed and possessions, everyone would be content, just like the song said, "Imagine no possessions... no need for greed or hunger... sharing all the world." I agreed. Every line in the song seemed to be the solution to all the problems in the world. And then, I realized how ignorant I had been only ten minutes before; how ignorant I was to not feel the need to pacify the world when I saw pictures of dying people.

For several months after that day, Mr. Jung played "Imagine" every morning as we entered his class. The song stayed in my head, along with the sense that the world currently lacks peace and happiness. I came to believe that people were absolutely capable of "living life in peace" and that "it isn't hard to do". Since that day, I have become a "dreamer" who believes the "world will live as one" if we can stop being selfish and look around and care a little more. Since that day, whenever I encounter a fight or news about conflicts around the world, the lyrics come into my head: "imagine all the people, living life in peace", and the lyrics determine my actions. Mr. Jung's unconventional teaching method in Seoul taught me more than any textbook or lecture possibly could have.

Any suggestions HIGHLY appreciated :) ;)

Undergraduate / Best Architectural programs in the nation;Carneige Mellon- Major/Department/Program [4]

Please submit a one-page, single-spaced essay that explains why you have chosen Carnegie Mellon your particular major(s), department(s) or program(s). This essay should include the reasons why you've chosen the major(s), any goals or relevant work plans and any other information you would like us to know. If you are applying to more than one college or program, please mention each college or program you are applying to. Because our admission committees review applicants by college and programs, your essay can impact our final decision. Please do not exceed one page for this essay.

As a child, I loved to play with Lego's. On a flat Lego board, I tried my hardest to build "cool" bridges and buildings, complete with plastic Lego people, so it would look like a city. I remember my excitement as I showed my creations to my mom- I would go on and on, explaining in painstaking detail why I had placed a certain bridge here, or a building there. As I grew older, I became fond of drawing, which allowed me to express my ideas and designs with nothing more than a pencil and paper. The thrill of realizing my ideas, first as a drawing on a paper, then constructed as a model, and finally, built as a full-scale structure, is indescribable. It always makes me smile when I have my favorite daydream: that I am walking by a building that matches the one in my sketchbook, only bigger. Looking backwards from now, my passion has always been clear: architecture.

Seoul is a densely populated city that has continuously needed more apartment buildings. Unlike California, roads are very narrow and all kinds of buildings unite to form a city-forest. As I was growing up in Seoul, I saw many building structures being built around my home. Firstly, irons were placed in jungle gym-like manner. I remember, walking to and back from school, imagining what the creation would look like when it is completed. I hoped it would be something fascinating that was drawn in my imagination. However, the end products were always disappointing. It was always square and ten to fifteen floored building with square windows, just with some added colors here and there. I understood that a city needed some uniformity as a collective whole, but boxes of concrete were not it. When I thought that these typical buildings would be there for at least a few centuries, I was disgusted. I believed if structures were designed aesthetically one by one, they would determine the city's image that is powerful enough to better the perception on everything in the city. Such cities would then be created one by one to form a nation with unique splendor. These nations would then unite to form a collective whole that is as powerful a presence as it is aesthetically sublime.

Since these days, I have dreamed to be an architect, an artist who visualize, design, and implement in the largest scale in order to create a collective whole that is a powerful presence.

For this reason, Carnegie Mellon is my top choice. It is home to one of the best Architectural programs in the nation, which would help me build a solid base from which to conceptualize my designs. The Diverse culture I can experience at CMU and Pittsburgh is also a powerful draw. Pittsburgh is filled with Museums, Broadway shows, exhibitions, art shows, and extraordinary buildings that are a delight to my eyes and soul, all of which I will never experience if not in Pittsburgh. Last but not least, Carnegie Mellon has renowned soccer program, which would fulfill my other passion.

I think my essay is very weak :( T^T

I don't know what I should write for the reasons for applying to CMU's school of architecture.

Should I just list out the statistics and say that those prove the CMU is a good school?