bumsengsj
Nov 28, 2008
Undergraduate / I am shedding tears - UC Prompt #1 Essay [5]
Thank you for your reply ^^!
Any other inputs please?
Thank you for your reply ^^!
Any other inputs please?
bumsengsj
Nov 27, 2008
Undergraduate / sport called Badminton - my uc prompt 2 essay [5]
Hi I won't say much about grammar/syntax because I don't think I'm qualified to.
I like your essay a lot, but it would help if you backed up your statements with more facts.
For instance:
"The whole process of badminton was an adventure that left me with new found confidence, determination, and devotion"
It would be helpful if you showed you had those qualities with a anecdote?
Just my two cents
Oh and can you critique mine?
Its : I'm shedding tears on this forum.
Hi I won't say much about grammar/syntax because I don't think I'm qualified to.
I like your essay a lot, but it would help if you backed up your statements with more facts.
For instance:
"The whole process of badminton was an adventure that left me with new found confidence, determination, and devotion"
It would be helpful if you showed you had those qualities with a anecdote?
Just my two cents
Oh and can you critique mine?
Its : I'm shedding tears on this forum.
bumsengsj
Nov 27, 2008
Undergraduate / I am shedding tears - UC Prompt #1 Essay [5]
UC prompt #1
I would really appreciate feedbacks!
For any of you who do provide feedbacks I will return the favor for you if you like!
Thank you!
:
I turned the knob but the house was deserted. The tranquility bewildered me for a second but I soon realized that my mom had left to Korea. I walked in and threw my backpack on my bed. I turned on the music on my computer and rested against my chair. Suddenly, a surge of loneliness swept up and I couldn't help my eyes getting watery.
It was a mystery. I thought I passed the stage of shedding tears. Six. That's the number of times I traveled on plane, oscillating between Korea and America. When I was 10, 12, and even 15, I never cried of loneliness. Why now?
Indeed, my mom's quick visit and departure shattered the barrier I had around me. Her warmth caught me off guard and her departure left me with a cold realization. The realization that her visit was the last of my childhood. But at the same time, I knew that it was really the time for me to seek my aspirations.
As of young, I've always been questioned of my identity. "Do you like Korea better or America better?" A question many adults asked me. Initially, I didn't know how to approach that question. But as my identity solidified, the answer came to me in the form of an aspiration, a goal. I increasingly sought myself as a representative. When I was in Korea, I was a representative of America; and, when I was in America, I represented Korea. Because of this versatility of my identity, I became very active and attached to the Korean club in my high school years. Because I was a representative, I had to do well and I had to look out for my fellow Koreans. However that is not to say that I isolated myself from other cultures; instead, I tried to understand them as much as I could. This attitude of mine transformed into an aspiration to further proliferate my culture and my identity and also to absorb other's as well.
To fulfill my aspiration, I sought out for a goal, and that was to work in an intergovernmental organization such as the World Trade Organization. I am no longer lonely as I filled in those vacancies with my passion and dream. The support I received from my parents, the resilience and independence I learned from studying abroad, and the attitude I acquired will aid me achieve my goal.
UC prompt #1
I would really appreciate feedbacks!
For any of you who do provide feedbacks I will return the favor for you if you like!
Thank you!
:
I turned the knob but the house was deserted. The tranquility bewildered me for a second but I soon realized that my mom had left to Korea. I walked in and threw my backpack on my bed. I turned on the music on my computer and rested against my chair. Suddenly, a surge of loneliness swept up and I couldn't help my eyes getting watery.
It was a mystery. I thought I passed the stage of shedding tears. Six. That's the number of times I traveled on plane, oscillating between Korea and America. When I was 10, 12, and even 15, I never cried of loneliness. Why now?
Indeed, my mom's quick visit and departure shattered the barrier I had around me. Her warmth caught me off guard and her departure left me with a cold realization. The realization that her visit was the last of my childhood. But at the same time, I knew that it was really the time for me to seek my aspirations.
As of young, I've always been questioned of my identity. "Do you like Korea better or America better?" A question many adults asked me. Initially, I didn't know how to approach that question. But as my identity solidified, the answer came to me in the form of an aspiration, a goal. I increasingly sought myself as a representative. When I was in Korea, I was a representative of America; and, when I was in America, I represented Korea. Because of this versatility of my identity, I became very active and attached to the Korean club in my high school years. Because I was a representative, I had to do well and I had to look out for my fellow Koreans. However that is not to say that I isolated myself from other cultures; instead, I tried to understand them as much as I could. This attitude of mine transformed into an aspiration to further proliferate my culture and my identity and also to absorb other's as well.
To fulfill my aspiration, I sought out for a goal, and that was to work in an intergovernmental organization such as the World Trade Organization. I am no longer lonely as I filled in those vacancies with my passion and dream. The support I received from my parents, the resilience and independence I learned from studying abroad, and the attitude I acquired will aid me achieve my goal.
