Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
Through my eyes and ears, I have seen countless time, devotion, and sweat devoted to this sport called Badminton. The yelling and disappointment that is exerted from my coach towards our performance doesn't spark despair in me, but rather a sense of inner determination to say the least. This powerful sense of determination to erase the past and prove to my coach and most importantly to myself, that the last game was a fluke. That this one game doesn't determine the future of the next.
During my early years of high school, the mere mention of Badminton sparked a chain of stereotypical thoughts. The thin fragile Badminton racket and the old decayed wooden 20 feet by 44 feet court didn't truly define what a sport is in my eyes. In my freshman year I had no clue what I was getting myself into when I first stepped on the old wooden floor gym on try-out day. The moment I stepped inside the gym, I was faced with a rather young disgruntled man who stared intensely at my eyes and I could feel that he meant business. In the beginning of my Badminton years, I was oblivious about what it took to be on a team. My skinny frame, lack of confidence, and absence of determination didn't show my lack of talent in my coach's eyes, but rather uniqueness. This was an opportunity for him and myself to mold me into not only a great Badminton player, but a great individual as well. From then on, my coach's determination to mold me and my fellow teammates to great individuals began. Time and time again, we were faced with a demanding schedule that consumed most of our lives. The countless hours we spent in the gym was to put us on a path to greatness. The time and devotion we put in this sport didn't seemed to go to waste since our record was 12-0. From then on I realized that my coach wasn't putting us on a path to greatness, but rather perfection.
One of the top juggernaut teams in Badminton was Hoover high school. Both rival teams had an astonishing record, yet a win on CIF Championship day seemed inevitable. My newly acquired confidence and insurmountable determination to compete against these individuals gave me a fighting chance. But the clash between two teams filled with greatness ultimately fell into the favor of our rival team, Hoover. This game and the sport of badminton was the highlight of my development as an individual. Since I realize the feeling of disappointment and the power of determination. My newly acquired determination, confidence, and perseverance allowed me to not lose hope, to not underachieve, and give up. I didn't accomplish my sole task on this day which is to win, but rather lost. My coach always had a saying to never underachieve, "to get what you deserve." Only now do I truly understand that statement. I dedicate this essay to my coach - who is more than a coach in my eyes.
Good afternoon :)
I have edited your first paragraph and also included some general comments:
"Through my eyes and ears, I have seen countless time, devotion, and sweat devoted to this sport called BadmintonThis isn't a proper noun and shouldn't be capitalized. . The yelling and disappointment that is exerted from my coach towards our performance doesn'tAvoid contractions in formal academic writing; this should be "does not." spark despair in me, but rather a sense of inner determination to say the least. This powerful sense of determination to erase the past and prove to my coach and most importantly to myself, that the last game was a fluke. That this one game doesn't determine the future of the next."
"Since I realize the feeling of disappointment and the power of determination. " What? Since what? Finish this sentence.
"T o get what you deserve."
How does this make you proud and relate to the person you are now?
Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
I have revised it, can someone other than Gloria read this? Yeah I understand the # 13 rule. Thank you Gloria for your help. Please give me harsh criticism.
Through my eyes and ears, I have seen countless time, devotion, and sweat devoted to this sport called badminton. The yelling and disappointment that is exerted from my coach towards our performance does not spark despair in me, but rather a sense of inner determination. This powerful sense of determination to erase the past and prove to my coach and most importantly to myself, that the last game was a fluke. That this one game does not determine the future of the next.
During my early years of high school, the mere mention of badminton sparked a chain of stereotypical thoughts. The thin fragile badminton racket and the old decayed wooden 20 feet by 44 feet court didn't truly define what a sport is in my eyes. In the beginning of my badminton years, I was oblivious about what it took to be on a team. My skinny frame, lack of confidence, and absence of determination didn't show my lack of talent in my coach's eyes, but rather uniqueness. This was an opportunity for him and myself to mold me into not only a great badminton player, but a great individual as well. From then on, my coach's determination to mold me and my fellow teammates to great individuals began. Time and time again, I was faced with a demanding schedule that consumed most of my life. The countless hours I spent in the gym was to put me on a path to greatness. The time and devotion I put in this sport didn't seemed to go to waste since our record was 12-0. From then on I realized that my coach wasn't putting us on a path to greatness, but rather perfection.
Losing always left me with a sour taste. Not being able to accomplish my task seem to leave me feeling unfulfilled and disappointed. During the CIF championship game, my team did not win, nor did it come remarkably close. Strangely enough, this loss did not give me a sense of disappointment or feeling unfulfilled. This loss however, seemed to give me the exact opposite feeling I once felt after losing a game. Despite the fact that my team fell short of it's goal, happiness and excitement permeated the recreation center.
Over the past few years, I have come to realize the importance of badminton in aiding my growth as an individual. I have come to realize that I always wanted to achieve a particular goal, yet I was oblivious about the accomplishments I have already done to achieve that goal. This was the true source of our happiness. The whole process of badminton was an adventure that left me with new found confidence, determination, and devotion. Before these traits were nonexistent but now, they are heightened at a whole new level that I would not have imagined. My coach always had a saying to never underachieve, "to get what you deserve." Though we did not win, we certainly did not underachieve. Only two teams can make it to CIF Championships.
Hi I won't say much about grammar/syntax because I don't think I'm qualified to.
I like your essay a lot, but it would help if you backed up your statements with more facts.
For instance:
"The whole process of badminton was an adventure that left me with new found confidence, determination, and devotion"
It would be helpful if you showed you had those qualities with a anecdote?
Just my two cents
Oh and can you critique mine?
Its : I'm shedding tears on this forum.
cool thanks, your opinion on grammar/syntax matters. ALright thanks, I'll try to find yours.
