BTDTXXDY
Jan 13, 2012
BTDTXXDY
Jan 12, 2012
Scholarship / 'to be mentally healthy' - my personal characteristics and accomplishments [5]
You must show more and be more creative.
Hope this will help you.
You can imagine that you're a letter describing yourself. (it's just one way of writing. But if you want to tell like your essay, it's ok).
You can also imagine that you're writing your diary. Tell more about your friends. What you think about them. Or what do you think about the world, the children,...
I think these points can help you.
1/ We don't need to know that you like reading and watch tv. What we need to know is why you read? You can tell a little about your favorite book. Who wrote it? What is it about/ Why do you love it? Is is a best romantic novels? Or a Science fiction?
You can say you love reading comic books, too. ( well, if you do). But you can explore it by saying you love comic books because they're funny. They're well drawn. It's an art of creating and drawing, etc.
And also the movies. You can talk about the characters in the movies that you think it most reflects you. Or you can say that you admire the actor or director of that movie because he did this and that.
What do yo ulike about theater, art or dance? What did you leanr form taking part in these avtivities? Team work? Or did you show any leadership?
2/ They know it when you send them your scores. Tel us more about your school. Is is high competitive. Do you have many friends? Why? Do you help other students/ What does the teachers and friends think about you.
You can use this to open your essay.
For example: My friends may think that I'm .... But in fact, I'm very ...
3/ Don't mention too much about your problems. Mentin them just a little bit. And tell us how did you deal with these problems.
You don't have to mention all the three points above. You cna choose 1 or 2 of them to write about since it's only 300 words.
You can make an essay with the last point with 300 words.
You must show more and be more creative.
Hope this will help you.
You can imagine that you're a letter describing yourself. (it's just one way of writing. But if you want to tell like your essay, it's ok).
You can also imagine that you're writing your diary. Tell more about your friends. What you think about them. Or what do you think about the world, the children,...
I think these points can help you.
1/ We don't need to know that you like reading and watch tv. What we need to know is why you read? You can tell a little about your favorite book. Who wrote it? What is it about/ Why do you love it? Is is a best romantic novels? Or a Science fiction?
You can say you love reading comic books, too. ( well, if you do). But you can explore it by saying you love comic books because they're funny. They're well drawn. It's an art of creating and drawing, etc.
And also the movies. You can talk about the characters in the movies that you think it most reflects you. Or you can say that you admire the actor or director of that movie because he did this and that.
What do yo ulike about theater, art or dance? What did you leanr form taking part in these avtivities? Team work? Or did you show any leadership?
2/ They know it when you send them your scores. Tel us more about your school. Is is high competitive. Do you have many friends? Why? Do you help other students/ What does the teachers and friends think about you.
You can use this to open your essay.
For example: My friends may think that I'm .... But in fact, I'm very ...
3/ Don't mention too much about your problems. Mentin them just a little bit. And tell us how did you deal with these problems.
You don't have to mention all the three points above. You cna choose 1 or 2 of them to write about since it's only 300 words.
You can make an essay with the last point with 300 words.
BTDTXXDY
Jan 12, 2012
Writing Feedback / Creativity is very important nowadays to make a better life [4]
Quote:
Given the importance of human creativity, one would think it should
have a high priority among
our concerns. But if we look at the reality, we see a different
picture. Basic scientific research is
minimized in favor of immediate practical applications. The arts are
increasingly seen as
dispensable luxuries. Yet as competition heats up around the globe,
exactly the opposite strategy
is needed.
Invention
Adapted from Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Creativity: Flow and the
Psychology of Discovery and
Assignment: Is creativity needed more than ever in the world today?
Can anyone help me with this essay?
You can comment on the ideas, the structures and the way of usings vocabularies. I feel that my vocabularies are poor. Any help to increase them?
Thanks.
==================================================================
Some people's lives are limited between works and homes. Some people are pleased with what they have to day and do not care what happen to the world today. However, some people work extremely hard to serve the needs of other people. Some people spent their whole lives to create one thing but it can help thousands people. The reason is because they see that there are too many things people need but are still not available. They see that to make this world better, they have to be creative more than ever before.
Create mean to make something new and better, and something that is helpful to the human. Creativity is necessary in many aspect of life and in many fields of sciences. Creativity distinguishes human from other animals, making us survive longer in this world.
First of all, creativity in medicine has saved more people's lives. With the help of medicines, people can forget about their tremendous pains. Before, we use chemicals as a way to help the patients. However, today, we use biology technology to cure a disease, which is more effective and safer. In the past, people often lose more blood when they have an operation. Today, with the help of endoscopic technology, fewer blood is lost and it is cleaner.
Secondly, new inventions save our times and health. Long time ago, the housewives must wash the clothes by hands, which takes them a lot of time and health. Since the washing machine is introduced, it becomes one of the "must have" equipments at home. The wives will no longer have pains when trying to clean the dirt.
Another reason why creativity is very necessary today is because it can help the company to earn money. More and more inventions are created in the 20th century. Colored televisions are no longer a favor in the market. Yet 3D televisions are the choice when people want to buy a new one. 3D movies are now popular in worldwide. Maybe in the next 5 years or 10 years, 4D movies will be introduces to the viewers. This time, the profit that the companies and producers earn may be unimaginable.
Finally, creativity is a part of our lives. It makes us unique and different from each other. The one who is creative has a better chance to be admitted to a good university, a better job, or being longer memorable. For example, the admission receive thousands essays in one year. The one who has new idea will get their higher attention.
Creativity is very important nowadays to make a better life. Creativity is no longer a job of the scientists. It is now one of our characteristic. It is now our jobs since we are all responsible for the beauty of this world and for the happiness of our own.
Quote:
Given the importance of human creativity, one would think it should
have a high priority among
our concerns. But if we look at the reality, we see a different
picture. Basic scientific research is
minimized in favor of immediate practical applications. The arts are
increasingly seen as
dispensable luxuries. Yet as competition heats up around the globe,
exactly the opposite strategy
is needed.
Invention
Adapted from Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Creativity: Flow and the
Psychology of Discovery and
Assignment: Is creativity needed more than ever in the world today?
Can anyone help me with this essay?
You can comment on the ideas, the structures and the way of usings vocabularies. I feel that my vocabularies are poor. Any help to increase them?
Thanks.
==================================================================
Some people's lives are limited between works and homes. Some people are pleased with what they have to day and do not care what happen to the world today. However, some people work extremely hard to serve the needs of other people. Some people spent their whole lives to create one thing but it can help thousands people. The reason is because they see that there are too many things people need but are still not available. They see that to make this world better, they have to be creative more than ever before.
Create mean to make something new and better, and something that is helpful to the human. Creativity is necessary in many aspect of life and in many fields of sciences. Creativity distinguishes human from other animals, making us survive longer in this world.
First of all, creativity in medicine has saved more people's lives. With the help of medicines, people can forget about their tremendous pains. Before, we use chemicals as a way to help the patients. However, today, we use biology technology to cure a disease, which is more effective and safer. In the past, people often lose more blood when they have an operation. Today, with the help of endoscopic technology, fewer blood is lost and it is cleaner.
Secondly, new inventions save our times and health. Long time ago, the housewives must wash the clothes by hands, which takes them a lot of time and health. Since the washing machine is introduced, it becomes one of the "must have" equipments at home. The wives will no longer have pains when trying to clean the dirt.
Another reason why creativity is very necessary today is because it can help the company to earn money. More and more inventions are created in the 20th century. Colored televisions are no longer a favor in the market. Yet 3D televisions are the choice when people want to buy a new one. 3D movies are now popular in worldwide. Maybe in the next 5 years or 10 years, 4D movies will be introduces to the viewers. This time, the profit that the companies and producers earn may be unimaginable.
Finally, creativity is a part of our lives. It makes us unique and different from each other. The one who is creative has a better chance to be admitted to a good university, a better job, or being longer memorable. For example, the admission receive thousands essays in one year. The one who has new idea will get their higher attention.
Creativity is very important nowadays to make a better life. Creativity is no longer a job of the scientists. It is now one of our characteristic. It is now our jobs since we are all responsible for the beauty of this world and for the happiness of our own.
BTDTXXDY
Jan 12, 2012
Undergraduate / 'Judo teacher ' - school or summer activity [6]
thank you very much. Anyway, the deadline is passed. I'll try my best to help you.
thank you very much. Anyway, the deadline is passed. I'll try my best to help you.
BTDTXXDY
Jan 6, 2012
Undergraduate / 'The appealing characteristic is global awareness' - FSU [3]
I hope this will help.
You should rearrange your essay and develop your ideas.
You can do it by answering these question.
- Why does global awareness appeal most to you? What make it so special, when compared with other characteristics, when compared with your situation right now?
- what do you think global awareness is? Each people think of it in 1 aspect. What do you think? What are the activities in global awareness.
- What is the situation, the lives where you live? Do they lack of global awareness?
Now link it to your career.
- Why do you want to be a civil engineer?
Do not say "i want to build this, or that". Tell more about the situation.
Are you having problem with transportation? Does your hometown lacking of bridge?
What will happen if you build more bridge? Will you help people? How will life be improved?
Now open it to global.
- Do you admire somebody in thids area field? What did he/she do?
You may tell a story of somebody you admire. Maybe he comes from another country but he helps the people in another country.
I hope this will help.
You should rearrange your essay and develop your ideas.
You can do it by answering these question.
- Why does global awareness appeal most to you? What make it so special, when compared with other characteristics, when compared with your situation right now?
- what do you think global awareness is? Each people think of it in 1 aspect. What do you think? What are the activities in global awareness.
- What is the situation, the lives where you live? Do they lack of global awareness?
Now link it to your career.
- Why do you want to be a civil engineer?
Do not say "i want to build this, or that". Tell more about the situation.
Are you having problem with transportation? Does your hometown lacking of bridge?
What will happen if you build more bridge? Will you help people? How will life be improved?
Now open it to global.
- Do you admire somebody in thids area field? What did he/she do?
You may tell a story of somebody you admire. Maybe he comes from another country but he helps the people in another country.
BTDTXXDY
Jan 6, 2012
Undergraduate / 'Remembered Event Essay' (English Comp II) [2]
Why do you have to feel ashamed of what you behaved earlier?
I don't think it's really critical.
If you have prepared well for the test, you should be proud. And what happens during the test is just the matter of luck.
I do not check my brain again before the test. I let it free and clear.
So what do you ashamed?
If you felt so, please made it as an paragraph. Your one sentence does not explain anything. Explain why you feel so. Tell us more what you did at that time. And tell us more if you improved this problems? What did you do to improve your mistake?
Why do you have to feel ashamed of what you behaved earlier?
I don't think it's really critical.
If you have prepared well for the test, you should be proud. And what happens during the test is just the matter of luck.
I do not check my brain again before the test. I let it free and clear.
So what do you ashamed?
If you felt so, please made it as an paragraph. Your one sentence does not explain anything. Explain why you feel so. Tell us more what you did at that time. And tell us more if you improved this problems? What did you do to improve your mistake?
BTDTXXDY
Jan 6, 2012
Undergraduate / Application Essay: "One thing friends don't know about me" [4]
Your work was great.
But there are some points you should make clearer or add more.
Does it word limited. If it not, should include some ideas here.
- Tell the readers more about what you have done. I see you tell us many things about the others lacking of opportunities but not tell much about your job.
- What do they feel when they receive your help?
- what do you feel after you give them some help?
- Why do you have to keep it as a secret? Why do your friends don't know about it? Why are you telling us this but not your friends?
- After you write this essay, do you want your friends know about this or don't you want to?
Your work was great.
But there are some points you should make clearer or add more.
Does it word limited. If it not, should include some ideas here.
- Tell the readers more about what you have done. I see you tell us many things about the others lacking of opportunities but not tell much about your job.
- What do they feel when they receive your help?
- what do you feel after you give them some help?
- Why do you have to keep it as a secret? Why do your friends don't know about it? Why are you telling us this but not your friends?
- After you write this essay, do you want your friends know about this or don't you want to?
BTDTXXDY
Jan 6, 2012
Undergraduate / 'Judo teacher ' - school or summer activity [6]
In the space available discuss the significance to you of the in which you have been most involved.
Please correct my grammar mistakes and also the idea of the essay.
Any suggestions or comments are welcome. Thanks very much
==================================================================
"Hajime! The game is on. Use your legs, hands, hip and shoulder. Focus. Combine your movements. Drop your partner. Trap her. Hold as tight as you can. Matte! Next pair please!" "Remember our rule: throw and drop your partners with whole strength. Otherwise, your partners will be badly hurt."
The very same reminder my Judo teacher keeps repeating in each of our lessons. Judo is not about fighting techniques. It is about the spirit. Judo is an art, a combination between the mind and the body, between both weak and strong. Contempt would never be allowed in class. We learned to be diligent, determined, but also to respect our partners.
If we want to be successful, we must co-operate with our partners. Judo is a very sensitive sport. We need to pay attention to all our movements, our positions, and our strengths. Once our partners do wrong we need to tell them. We need to show them what we feel when their positions are not correct. If we do not do that, we may get dangerous injuries. This is what we enjoy about Judo. This is how new friendships are built.
At first I and my seven other classmates signed up for Judo class. After signing up, I had once wanted to quit the class before it even started. I was afraid that it was too violent. I was afraid that I would get hurt. I was afraid that there would be no way to withdraw when I was in. However, it would be wasteful for not joining that one-and-only class since my school was the only high school in the city that had a Judo room right on campus so I decided to take part in it. Two years later, I was the only one in my class signed up for Judo despite I would not have a partner to pratice with me, despite the busy schedule of the last year in high school. I found the only girl in the next door class signing up for Judo class. As the result, we were the only two girls in the class.
I am very proud of what I did. I am pleased because I made the right decision that I chose to follow my preference.
In the space available discuss the significance to you of the in which you have been most involved.
Please correct my grammar mistakes and also the idea of the essay.
Any suggestions or comments are welcome. Thanks very much
==================================================================
"Hajime! The game is on. Use your legs, hands, hip and shoulder. Focus. Combine your movements. Drop your partner. Trap her. Hold as tight as you can. Matte! Next pair please!" "Remember our rule: throw and drop your partners with whole strength. Otherwise, your partners will be badly hurt."
The very same reminder my Judo teacher keeps repeating in each of our lessons. Judo is not about fighting techniques. It is about the spirit. Judo is an art, a combination between the mind and the body, between both weak and strong. Contempt would never be allowed in class. We learned to be diligent, determined, but also to respect our partners.
If we want to be successful, we must co-operate with our partners. Judo is a very sensitive sport. We need to pay attention to all our movements, our positions, and our strengths. Once our partners do wrong we need to tell them. We need to show them what we feel when their positions are not correct. If we do not do that, we may get dangerous injuries. This is what we enjoy about Judo. This is how new friendships are built.
At first I and my seven other classmates signed up for Judo class. After signing up, I had once wanted to quit the class before it even started. I was afraid that it was too violent. I was afraid that I would get hurt. I was afraid that there would be no way to withdraw when I was in. However, it would be wasteful for not joining that one-and-only class since my school was the only high school in the city that had a Judo room right on campus so I decided to take part in it. Two years later, I was the only one in my class signed up for Judo despite I would not have a partner to pratice with me, despite the busy schedule of the last year in high school. I found the only girl in the next door class signing up for Judo class. As the result, we were the only two girls in the class.
I am very proud of what I did. I am pleased because I made the right decision that I chose to follow my preference.
BTDTXXDY
Jan 6, 2012
Undergraduate / 'Santa Claus, Classmates, Monitor, Music) - Describe yourself - Creative essay [2]
The Admissions Committee would like to know more about you in your own words. Please respond to one of the following two prompts: (A) Please submit a brief essay, either personal or creative, which you feel best describes you. OR (B) Describe an experience you have had living or working in a diverse community. How might that experience help you to contribute to the life of a university community like Georgetown's?
Please help me correct this essay. Do not only correct the grammar, please also correct the ideas.
Any comments and suggestions are welcome. Thanks very much
=================================================================
How many worlds do you have? How many YOU do you have? I have three me-s in three worlds.
Dear Santa Claus,
I want to tell you this. No matter what people say, I believe that you are real. No matter what they think, I love you and believe in you. Even if there are no gifts, you bring me the spirit.
This year, I hope that you can bring me to Wonderland, where I can be a princess wearing any beautiful clothes or having any hair styles that I want to; where I can meet the fairies and see the miracles; where animals and flowers can talk, sing and dance; where there are countless colorful, delicious cakes and candies.
Please bring me to my Wonderland so that I can see the no-ending rainbow; where all days can be day with sun shine and where all days can be nights with stars and moon.
Please bring me to the world of hope and happiness, of colors and sounds, of loves and miracles.
Thank you so much.
Dear my classmates,
Why do you only focus on our three majors? Why don't you study all 13 subjects as I am doing? You are wasting your time to narrow, not to broaden yourself. Take time to look things around you. Take time to share stories and photos. Take time to look at others' smallest change in attitudes.
But why do you have to study that hard? Have fun. I have something else to enjoy rather than to learn. Why do you leave Judo class after all? If you had joined the Camping Day, your dream would have come true, your childhood game would have turned out to reality.
Love
Dear my Monitor,
My friend, you left me in a hard condition when you suggested me to be the monitor of the class during that time.
When you ask "Can you?", I could not answer.
I could not say no because I, myself, loved your suggestion and it was my dream. However, I could not say yes in a frank way like that. I was too shy and embarrassed to admit it. I was too afraid of the responsibilities. But I chose to say yes, which was good for both of us.
Thank you for giving a chance to take the responsibilities. Thank you for making my dream came true, although I had been waiting more than 11 years.
I asked Santa Claus to bring me to Wonderland not because I don't have one. I have my imaginary world, but it is totally different from Wonderland.
Let me introduce my World of Music and Art.
The world of music is where I run into for hide, for safe, for sympathy. Music brings me the variety of life through its small part called songs. There is always a song that fits an emotion. There is always a song that brings me the feeling that I have never felt before. Music is my reflection. It let me be me, be in any moods, even it is angry, disappointed, sad or happy and excited, without any complaint. It is an advisor and a friend of mine. I always want to be lost in this world.
Art is not what I run into but it is a door opening to the world. It takes the world in its eyes, in its papers and in its sculptures. It is the mini world reflecting real life. But it is the tool to search for wonderful imaginary things. It proves to us that you can last forever when other things cannot.
I will not bring one me to Georgetown's community, but the three of me with my three worlds. I bring to you the full of my self, my energy and enthusiast.
The Admissions Committee would like to know more about you in your own words. Please respond to one of the following two prompts: (A) Please submit a brief essay, either personal or creative, which you feel best describes you. OR (B) Describe an experience you have had living or working in a diverse community. How might that experience help you to contribute to the life of a university community like Georgetown's?
Please help me correct this essay. Do not only correct the grammar, please also correct the ideas.
Any comments and suggestions are welcome. Thanks very much
=================================================================
How many worlds do you have? How many YOU do you have? I have three me-s in three worlds.
Dear Santa Claus,
I want to tell you this. No matter what people say, I believe that you are real. No matter what they think, I love you and believe in you. Even if there are no gifts, you bring me the spirit.
This year, I hope that you can bring me to Wonderland, where I can be a princess wearing any beautiful clothes or having any hair styles that I want to; where I can meet the fairies and see the miracles; where animals and flowers can talk, sing and dance; where there are countless colorful, delicious cakes and candies.
Please bring me to my Wonderland so that I can see the no-ending rainbow; where all days can be day with sun shine and where all days can be nights with stars and moon.
Please bring me to the world of hope and happiness, of colors and sounds, of loves and miracles.
Thank you so much.
Dear my classmates,
Why do you only focus on our three majors? Why don't you study all 13 subjects as I am doing? You are wasting your time to narrow, not to broaden yourself. Take time to look things around you. Take time to share stories and photos. Take time to look at others' smallest change in attitudes.
But why do you have to study that hard? Have fun. I have something else to enjoy rather than to learn. Why do you leave Judo class after all? If you had joined the Camping Day, your dream would have come true, your childhood game would have turned out to reality.
Love
Dear my Monitor,
My friend, you left me in a hard condition when you suggested me to be the monitor of the class during that time.
When you ask "Can you?", I could not answer.
I could not say no because I, myself, loved your suggestion and it was my dream. However, I could not say yes in a frank way like that. I was too shy and embarrassed to admit it. I was too afraid of the responsibilities. But I chose to say yes, which was good for both of us.
Thank you for giving a chance to take the responsibilities. Thank you for making my dream came true, although I had been waiting more than 11 years.
I asked Santa Claus to bring me to Wonderland not because I don't have one. I have my imaginary world, but it is totally different from Wonderland.
Let me introduce my World of Music and Art.
The world of music is where I run into for hide, for safe, for sympathy. Music brings me the variety of life through its small part called songs. There is always a song that fits an emotion. There is always a song that brings me the feeling that I have never felt before. Music is my reflection. It let me be me, be in any moods, even it is angry, disappointed, sad or happy and excited, without any complaint. It is an advisor and a friend of mine. I always want to be lost in this world.
Art is not what I run into but it is a door opening to the world. It takes the world in its eyes, in its papers and in its sculptures. It is the mini world reflecting real life. But it is the tool to search for wonderful imaginary things. It proves to us that you can last forever when other things cannot.
I will not bring one me to Georgetown's community, but the three of me with my three worlds. I bring to you the full of my self, my energy and enthusiast.
BTDTXXDY
Jan 5, 2012
Undergraduate / 'finding connections between subjects' - WHY REED? SUPPLEMENT ESSAY [5]
I really like your ideas in the essay. But I find some points that make the essay less interesting.
I'm sorry about my english. There are some places I do not understand what you wrote.
But here are the few things.
1/ I don't really like your first paragraph, the opening one. I don't understand these sentences. I also don't see the connection between it and the rest of your essays.
2/ Did you list all the details according to time? There are some places that i thought it was the end of the essay but it was not. Although the part after that was very interesting ( i really mean it. They were very interesting). But I feel like i was lost and got confused when there were more and more paragraphs.
The words: Reed is a place where students take their academics seriously without ever taking themselves too seriously, still ring in my head. For once I had found a place where all you can be and all you are wanted to be is yourself, while enriching yourself academically, culturally, and intellectually as well. I knew Reed was the place for me because it found me when I barely knew what I was trying to find. Reed found me when I was lost, and for that I am grateful.
i thought this would be the end of the essay. And if it was, then your essay will be nicer. But if you list your details through time, don't do this. I just really like this part of your essay and I thought it was the top of your feelings.
You do not need to use this part as the last part. You can change it into your open paragraph.
I do love your last sentence. So if you reorder the paragraphs, keep the last sentence.
I really like your ideas in the essay. But I find some points that make the essay less interesting.
I'm sorry about my english. There are some places I do not understand what you wrote.
But here are the few things.
1/ I don't really like your first paragraph, the opening one. I don't understand these sentences. I also don't see the connection between it and the rest of your essays.
2/ Did you list all the details according to time? There are some places that i thought it was the end of the essay but it was not. Although the part after that was very interesting ( i really mean it. They were very interesting). But I feel like i was lost and got confused when there were more and more paragraphs.
The words: Reed is a place where students take their academics seriously without ever taking themselves too seriously, still ring in my head. For once I had found a place where all you can be and all you are wanted to be is yourself, while enriching yourself academically, culturally, and intellectually as well. I knew Reed was the place for me because it found me when I barely knew what I was trying to find. Reed found me when I was lost, and for that I am grateful.
i thought this would be the end of the essay. And if it was, then your essay will be nicer. But if you list your details through time, don't do this. I just really like this part of your essay and I thought it was the top of your feelings.
You do not need to use this part as the last part. You can change it into your open paragraph.
I do love your last sentence. So if you reorder the paragraphs, keep the last sentence.
BTDTXXDY
Jan 4, 2012
Undergraduate / 'I love to travel' - Georgetown's essay [5]
@trgcook. Thanks. What about saying that I want introduce the foods and fruit in my country to the world, as well as being a bridge to connect the world to my country, so that we can go to the concert of many famous foreign singers?
It's hard for me because noone in my family work in business field. I could not imagine how business is.
Anyway, there will be 2nd version. I'll rewrite it.
@trgcook. Thanks. What about saying that I want introduce the foods and fruit in my country to the world, as well as being a bridge to connect the world to my country, so that we can go to the concert of many famous foreign singers?
It's hard for me because noone in my family work in business field. I could not imagine how business is.
Anyway, there will be 2nd version. I'll rewrite it.
BTDTXXDY
Jan 4, 2012
Writing Feedback / 'The Internet area - blessing or curse?' - check & point out my mistakes [3]
I'm very sorry about my english. i'm not an english speaker. But I can help you some grammar mistakes.
before i correct some grammar mistakes I think you should make these points clearer.
Did you choose Internet as a curse? Or did you say both positive and negative effects? I think I see them both. But the way you order your details is not clear.
If you think of both negative and positive, you should write them in 2 paragraph. You should not write both in the same paragraph like your first one. And if you want to point out the positive, use positive words, do not use negative words.
In current era, internet is entailed in almost everyone's life. This modern inventionhavehas made life easier. It is the internet , which instigateinstigate a student to join digital library. Here is the thing. Is it a positive point or negative? If it is positive, you should not use the word instigate .Today peoplePeole today , while sitting at their homes , offices etc,offices, etc, make video conferences with the help of the Internet. In precedent years, people communicated with the help of (ppl communicated through letters letters, but now they can make video convention. Without the invention of the internet, itwas is impossible to purchase any item, which a person requires, while sitting in the personal cage. In the same manner, it has pampered (again. Is this a positive point or a negative point? if it is positive, pamper is not the right word) men, when they get bore.
You should make it clear here if you want to say internet invention in the past or in the present. You should not write 2 tenses in 1 sentence.
But every coin has two sides. Withhaving the enormous merits, itthe internethas gothas obnoxious image too. With the invention of the internet, users and specially students have been found indulgingindulgent themselves in wasting their precious time by watching films, playing games, chatting and so on. In the same way, populace have become lazy and they are very rarely observed to take their time and go out to purchase any thing. In precedent year, people be used to + inf use to read more but today, they invest their precious time in watching movies. this is the same idea. You mention watching tv 2 times. You should write like this: before we read more, doing excercises more, helping our neighbors more. Today, we watch tv, chatting, and ignore other people. Say it once and only. Do not repeat. It deteriorates the career of the student too. Ostensibly, it helps student, you don't need to say that it helps students in this sentence. We know that you're pointing out the negatice effects. Positive effects do make your sentence clearer. but in actual it makes them to copy the materials from internet and paste ininto their assignments ; by which they remain ignorant regarding their assigned topic.
It is the knife which cuts fruits and neck. In the same way, user of the internet know the remuneration as well as demerit of the internet, knowingly they coddle themselves as they wish to.
Your vocabulary is larger than mine. There are some words that i have to use the dictionary to understand. It's great. But be careful when choosing your words. And pay attention to small grammars.
I'm very sorry about my english. i'm not an english speaker. But I can help you some grammar mistakes.
before i correct some grammar mistakes I think you should make these points clearer.
Did you choose Internet as a curse? Or did you say both positive and negative effects? I think I see them both. But the way you order your details is not clear.
If you think of both negative and positive, you should write them in 2 paragraph. You should not write both in the same paragraph like your first one. And if you want to point out the positive, use positive words, do not use negative words.
In current era, internet is entailed in almost everyone's life. This modern invention
You should make it clear here if you want to say internet invention in the past or in the present. You should not write 2 tenses in 1 sentence.
But every coin has two sides. With
It is the knife which cuts fruits and neck. In the same way, user of the internet know the remuneration as well as demerit of the internet, knowingly they coddle themselves as they wish to.
Your vocabulary is larger than mine. There are some words that i have to use the dictionary to understand. It's great. But be careful when choosing your words. And pay attention to small grammars.
BTDTXXDY
Jan 4, 2012
Undergraduate / 'I love to travel' - Georgetown's essay [5]
@ken99m thanks for your advise. i will check to see if there is anywhere I should include these points.
@ken99m thanks for your advise. i will check to see if there is anywhere I should include these points.
BTDTXXDY
Jan 3, 2012
Undergraduate / 'I love to travel' - Georgetown's essay [5]
APPLICANTS TO THE MCDONOUGH SCHOOL OF BUSINESS: Briefly describe the factors that have influenced your interest in studying business.
Please help me. Any comments are welcomed
=======================================
Do I know anything about business? No. Do I have family members who work in business field? No. Do I have any business experiences? No. And yes, I want to study business.
First of all, I love to travel. Nowadays, global market has become normal and familiar to people, and working places have no longer been domestic permanent but international worldwide. Studying business provides great chances to go here and there, to meet more people and to learn more cultures. Furthermore, by the government's open policy, business is the best way of integrating the international economics. Exchanging new ideas, introducing our culture to the world, and expanding worldwide customer are necessary. The Vietnamese live in foreign countries always missing Vietnamese fruits and other specialties since they do not have these foods at where they are living. I do not want my tropical country with countless wonderful fruits to be unknown to the world.
We could not introduce us to the world and so does the world. As a fan, I wanted to buy a product from my favorite singers. Unfortunately, Vietnam was not in the shipping list. The singers wanted to expand their fame to Vietnamese fans. And Vietnamese fans wanted to go to their concerts or buy their products. However, we and our favorite singers did not have a chance to do so.
Secondly, I love working with people. It is fun to combine all different ideas into one idea, which somehow contains a part of the origins. It is interesting to know what people think about the same subjects, to see the different approaches from them. I love the way people dress making them unique somehow but becoming of symbol of businessmen, even though there are no uniforms.
I am very excited and curious about what I am going to learn, to explore and to experience. All ideas will be new and fresh. There may be different ways of approaching to problems. I consider studying business as a journey that I will take. And I long for it.
APPLICANTS TO THE MCDONOUGH SCHOOL OF BUSINESS: Briefly describe the factors that have influenced your interest in studying business.
Please help me. Any comments are welcomed
=======================================
Do I know anything about business? No. Do I have family members who work in business field? No. Do I have any business experiences? No. And yes, I want to study business.
First of all, I love to travel. Nowadays, global market has become normal and familiar to people, and working places have no longer been domestic permanent but international worldwide. Studying business provides great chances to go here and there, to meet more people and to learn more cultures. Furthermore, by the government's open policy, business is the best way of integrating the international economics. Exchanging new ideas, introducing our culture to the world, and expanding worldwide customer are necessary. The Vietnamese live in foreign countries always missing Vietnamese fruits and other specialties since they do not have these foods at where they are living. I do not want my tropical country with countless wonderful fruits to be unknown to the world.
We could not introduce us to the world and so does the world. As a fan, I wanted to buy a product from my favorite singers. Unfortunately, Vietnam was not in the shipping list. The singers wanted to expand their fame to Vietnamese fans. And Vietnamese fans wanted to go to their concerts or buy their products. However, we and our favorite singers did not have a chance to do so.
Secondly, I love working with people. It is fun to combine all different ideas into one idea, which somehow contains a part of the origins. It is interesting to know what people think about the same subjects, to see the different approaches from them. I love the way people dress making them unique somehow but becoming of symbol of businessmen, even though there are no uniforms.
I am very excited and curious about what I am going to learn, to explore and to experience. All ideas will be new and fresh. There may be different ways of approaching to problems. I consider studying business as a journey that I will take. And I long for it.