psycheycho
Dec 1, 2008
psycheycho
Nov 30, 2008
Undergraduate / USC essay- "to be a successful Hispanic", let me know what you think [18]
I think that this is a very well-written essay!
I think that parts of the last paragraph are a little off topic; The prompt is about how the experience affected you, and I think you would benefit from bringing it back to that at the end.
Other than that, I think this is an excellent essay!
I think that this is a very well-written essay!
I think that parts of the last paragraph are a little off topic; The prompt is about how the experience affected you, and I think you would benefit from bringing it back to that at the end.
Other than that, I think this is an excellent essay!
psycheycho
Nov 30, 2008
Undergraduate / do you think it is okay to include GPA information on UC essays?? [4]
Hi!
It seems like it should be fine, since you're not making excuses for your grades or anything, but having the entire essay for some context would be a little more helpful.
Hi!
It seems like it should be fine, since you're not making excuses for your grades or anything, but having the entire essay for some context would be a little more helpful.
psycheycho
Nov 30, 2008
Undergraduate / "Emotions are useless" - common app topic [5]
Prompt: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
I originally wrote this for another school, and have turned it in to that school (University of Michigan). I'm hoping that this essay will apply to the above common app prompt. Please tell me what I can do to improve it in any way, especially if it's off topic! Thanks in advance!
Also, some people who I had read it said that it was "too controversial", while others liked it. I would like to hear any thoughts about that.
Soft
Emotions are useless. They leave people susceptible to arguments that prey on man's irrationality. I had always felt that detaching oneself from a situation and looking at it from an objective point of view was the superior way to go. Anyone who relied on their feelings over objective data I regarded as a useless "softie". The data would always lead to the correct answer.
But this faith was called into question the day I accidentally wandered onto a white supremacist forum while surfing the internet. The hate these people harbored for all people of color was unbelievable. There was a section on the forum open to "opposing views" where people who disagreed with the site's outlook could argue the on the side of conventional wisdom that all humans are equal. I entered that section and soon found myself in a battleground of statistics, mostly relating to the disparity of IQ scores between the races.
I knew better than to accept the fact the African-Americans were less intelligent than Caucasians based on IQ scores, but to remain impartial, I had to consider the fact that the tests were accurate and that my dad, sister, uncles, aunts, cousins and others were inherently less intelligent than the rest of the population. I found it hard to believe, but forced myself to look at what the numbers said. What could explain this gap? Society? Differing cultures? Other dissidents of the website's view had argued these points, and each time these arguments were discredited with another argument. I knew it couldn't be true; that the life, the intelligence of anyone is based on the individual, and not the negligible differences in DNA that make up 'race'. But I refused to believe what I knew was true, simply because I lacked evidence. So I searched for some. I hunted the internet and scoured my psychology books for an irrefutable argument that would conclusively show me what to believe. But I could not find anything that I could not discredit. Both theories canceled each other out. Which made me wonder that since there are pros and cons to every side of a debate, how does one come to a confident conclusion? All I had was a gut feeling- the worst of all arguments- that white supremacy was incorrect. But it was the only thing that swayed me in any direction, and even if I tried to remain neutral on the issue for lack of evidence, I would always have that nagging feeling in the back of my mind that there is no superior race. So I swallowed my pride, and went with it.
In using my gut instinct to come to this conclusion, I learned that it's fine to not be a perfectly detached android all of the time; that emotions exist for a reason. I realize now that it's OK to speak from my heart and argue what I feel is right, regardless of what the data might point toward. I'm a born-again softie, and proud of it.
Prompt: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
I originally wrote this for another school, and have turned it in to that school (University of Michigan). I'm hoping that this essay will apply to the above common app prompt. Please tell me what I can do to improve it in any way, especially if it's off topic! Thanks in advance!
Also, some people who I had read it said that it was "too controversial", while others liked it. I would like to hear any thoughts about that.
Soft
Emotions are useless. They leave people susceptible to arguments that prey on man's irrationality. I had always felt that detaching oneself from a situation and looking at it from an objective point of view was the superior way to go. Anyone who relied on their feelings over objective data I regarded as a useless "softie". The data would always lead to the correct answer.
But this faith was called into question the day I accidentally wandered onto a white supremacist forum while surfing the internet. The hate these people harbored for all people of color was unbelievable. There was a section on the forum open to "opposing views" where people who disagreed with the site's outlook could argue the on the side of conventional wisdom that all humans are equal. I entered that section and soon found myself in a battleground of statistics, mostly relating to the disparity of IQ scores between the races.
I knew better than to accept the fact the African-Americans were less intelligent than Caucasians based on IQ scores, but to remain impartial, I had to consider the fact that the tests were accurate and that my dad, sister, uncles, aunts, cousins and others were inherently less intelligent than the rest of the population. I found it hard to believe, but forced myself to look at what the numbers said. What could explain this gap? Society? Differing cultures? Other dissidents of the website's view had argued these points, and each time these arguments were discredited with another argument. I knew it couldn't be true; that the life, the intelligence of anyone is based on the individual, and not the negligible differences in DNA that make up 'race'. But I refused to believe what I knew was true, simply because I lacked evidence. So I searched for some. I hunted the internet and scoured my psychology books for an irrefutable argument that would conclusively show me what to believe. But I could not find anything that I could not discredit. Both theories canceled each other out. Which made me wonder that since there are pros and cons to every side of a debate, how does one come to a confident conclusion? All I had was a gut feeling- the worst of all arguments- that white supremacy was incorrect. But it was the only thing that swayed me in any direction, and even if I tried to remain neutral on the issue for lack of evidence, I would always have that nagging feeling in the back of my mind that there is no superior race. So I swallowed my pride, and went with it.
In using my gut instinct to come to this conclusion, I learned that it's fine to not be a perfectly detached android all of the time; that emotions exist for a reason. I realize now that it's OK to speak from my heart and argue what I feel is right, regardless of what the data might point toward. I'm a born-again softie, and proud of it.
