Book Reports / "What's In a Name? Ask this Traveler" by Diana Abu-Jaber - Summary--Response [5]

Perfect points! Just a little bit of wondering.

Do you think the first one and the second one are actually similar to each other? how abt u combining them into one big point and saying sth like only after we get rid of the discrimination/everyone is treated equally even though you have an Arabic name, the world will then become a harmonious place where ppl living happily together or sth? The ideas of how to develop this thought is not clear yet in my mind, but definitely it is just my recommendation and it's totally up to you to take it or not.

Anyway, I think you have a fantastic intro and very creative argument to prove ur point!

Undergraduate / 'personal attention from my professors' - Lynn University Admissions [6]

A couple of ideas related to your current thoughts:
- The first thought: So I guess your whole point is about getting personal attention from Professors? But how exactly can this personal attention help you grow in terms of academia or career futures? You could say something like building up intimate relationship with top distinguished Professors at X College could help me broaden my network, and increase my chance to get an internship in my field. Or if you do sth related to science, knowing my Professors personally could help me earn a spot in his/her wide variety of research opportunities.

- The second thought, I would say maybe you dont wanna just stop at the city life? How is living a city life benefiting you? How is living a different life than you live for 17 years making any huge impact on your growth? Take a more closer look at what exactly the city life in Miami is, how it stands out from other cities' lives and small town's life? Be sure to address these things in your essay.

Good luck with your essay!

Undergraduate / 'I am not challenging myself enough' - Transfer application, Sophomore [4]

I love your second reason because it seems to me a really valid and well-structured one.

And if the whole theme of the essay is about challenging yourself, be sure to address the theme in the first reason. Right now to me the first reason is rather weaker than a second one. Why dont you develop it into something deeper about your major/your extra-curricular activities/your certain hobbies or passions? This kind of movement can make it more clearly why you want to transfer. You can say sth like, when I applied to colleges, I did it mostly basing upon financial aid offered by schools. However, now, after a year studying in City College, I figured out the field that I am really interested in and unfortunately City College offers very limited classes within that major. At the same time, Y College (the one you want to apply to) stands out as an exceptionally appealing choice.

I hope it helps you somehow! Good luck.

Undergraduate / 'refined job placement and career assistance' Statement of Purpose for the U of TX [3]

Your essay flows really well, and I absolutely love your introduction because of its creativeness and its descriptiveness. Just some things that you might wanna think a little more deeply about:

- Since it is a personal statement, should you expand it a little more? Some things to think about: maybe compare between Austin and New York? They are drastically different, in terms of people, cultures, and living habits? How are you gonna adapt to the change? How is UT Austin gonna help you get involved with the Austin community?

- You said that you wanted to major in Psychology and you gave reasons for that. But how can UT-Austin fit a person who is interested in Psychology like you? Maybe cite out some researches they have, some distinguished faculty in your field or some volunteer opportunities with psychologically disordered victims that UT-Austin offers.

That is all my recommendations for now! Hope they can help you some how! Good luck