Posts by sunshine357

sunshine357

Mar 13, 2012

Scholarship / (Studying languages) Essay about my passion [3]

Thank you so much! I have a lot of revising to do. That's what I needed because, unfortunately, something as important as writing isn't my strong point. I'll be more descriptive and clear in my essay. Thank you again!

sunshine357

Mar 13, 2012

Undergraduate / 'to fully engross myself in my studies' - transfer essay on common app [2]

Hello Strangersbook! Your essay is well written. I can really tell you have a deep interests in psychology and neuroscience and the institution. I also amire your motive to help the world with your studies. The only critique I have regards punctuation.

I began my studies at John Jay school of criminal justice in the summer of 2006 with aspirations of studying forensic psychology in order to pursue my greatest passion of studying the mind and being able to help make the world a better place. This continued to be at the heart of my studies for the following years. However, due to what I can now only see as immaturity, I allowed my grades to falter. Now as a twenty-four year old man I am returning to academia with the goal of studying neuroscience as it combines my insatiable curiosity for the inner working of the mind, with my love of the sciences that allow us to further our knowledge on this subject. And while I find myself incredibly aware of the fact that my previous mistakes could inhibit me from reaching my dream of becoming a research neuroscientist, in order to study such phenomena as empathy and the neurological aspects involved in adaptation. (this just confused me) I would love nothing more than the chance to study neuroscience at an institution that prides itself on research and has a dedicated faculty which would allow me to learn from professors who are passionate and are possibly researching topics that could coincide with my own academic pursuits. Also the urban setting of the school would allow me the ability to fully engross myself in my studies and form bonds with other students who share similar interests (such as the neuroscience and psychology club or even the pre-health society).

I hope I helped.

sunshine357

Mar 13, 2012

Scholarship / (Studying languages) Essay about my passion [3]

Okay, so here is the question: How do you believe that your passions will influence your college career and beyond?
I am going to submit this essay for a scholarship and I was hoping for feedback on content, writing style and M. U. G. S. I would appreciate any critique! Thank you.

By the way, I have a 350 word limit.

Studying languages is a hobby I have been passionate about since junior high. For example, Spanish; the sound of the double "r", the accents and the cultures that speak Spanish appeals to me. I consider my interest in Spanish as an obsession, so I see it being a part of my life in some way. I believe Spanish will influence my college career and future by directing my academic path, giving me the exposure to new learning experiences, and leading me to a relevant career.

Being the focus of my curriculum, Spanish will influence my college education. Spanish is my intended major, so that will have a major impact on academics. I will be educated more about the Spanish language, literature, history, and the respective cultures. As a result, majoring in this program will introduce me to other college programs.

Spanish will influence my college career by possibly giving me the chance to study abroad. If I were to study overseas, I could experience personal growth, or in comparison, I could expand my academic major. An entire range of professional opportunities could open up if I were to gain skills and experiences from studying in a foreign country.

Lastly, Spanish will influence my choice of career. Being a member of an organization that helps Latin American countries, and others, facing current issues such as poverty, education and crime is how I see my future. I want Spanish to be incorporated into a career that has value and indeed makes a difference in the world. Doing so would help a country in need, and I would still be involved in what I enjoy doing.

It is easy for me to be enthusiastic about new languages because it functions as a connection source among people. Specifically, I want Spanish to not only be a part of my career, but that career to be of value and importance. Having a passion for Spanish will greatly influence my college career and future by introducing me to a new education, experiences and globally beneficial careers.