'to fully engross myself in my studies' - transfer essay on common app

250 word minimum. I am applying to brandeis

I began my studies at John Jay school of criminal justice in the summer of 2006 with aspirations of studying forensic psychology, in order to pursue my greatest passion of studying the mind and being able to help make the world a better place. This continued to be at the heart of my studies for the following years, however due to what I can now only see as immaturity I allowed my grades to falter. Now as a twenty-four year old man I am returning to academia with the goal of studying neuroscience as it combines my insatiable curiosity for the inner working of the mind, with my love of the sciences that allow us to further our knowledge on this subject. And while I find myself incredibly aware of the fact that my previous mistakes could inhibit me from reaching my dream of becoming a research neuroscientist, in order to study such phenomena as empathy and the neurological aspects involved in adaptation. I would love nothing more than the chance to study neuroscience at an institution that prides itself on research and has a dedicated faculty which would allow me to learn from professors who are passionate and are possibly researching topics that could coincide with my own academic pursuits. Also the urban setting of the school would allow me the ability to fully engross myself in my studies and form bonds with other students who share similar interests (such as the neuroscience and psychology club or even the pre-health society).

Hello Strangersbook! Your essay is well written. I can really tell you have a deep interests in psychology and neuroscience and the institution. I also amire your motive to help the world with your studies. The only critique I have regards punctuation.

I began my studies at John Jay school of criminal justice in the summer of 2006 with aspirations of studying forensic psychology in order to pursue my greatest passion of studying the mind and being able to help make the world a better place. This continued to be at the heart of my studies for the following years. However, due to what I can now only see as immaturity, I allowed my grades to falter. Now as a twenty-four year old man I am returning to academia with the goal of studying neuroscience as it combines my insatiable curiosity for the inner working of the mind, with my love of the sciences that allow us to further our knowledge on this subject. And while I find myself incredibly aware of the fact that my previous mistakes could inhibit me from reaching my dream of becoming a research neuroscientist, in order to study such phenomena as empathy and the neurological aspects involved in adaptation. (this just confused me) I would love nothing more than the chance to study neuroscience at an institution that prides itself on research and has a dedicated faculty which would allow me to learn from professors who are passionate and are possibly researching topics that could coincide with my own academic pursuits. Also the urban setting of the school would allow me the ability to fully engross myself in my studies and form bonds with other students who share similar interests (such as the neuroscience and psychology club or even the pre-health society).

I hope I helped.