Writing Feedback / "My Dad in Me" essay need help with editing and any other things you notice [4]

My Dad in Me

I am the type of person whose dad played a big part in making who I am today. My dad is the one who lead me to the Culinary Art field mostly. His job is being a computer technician for a company called EDS, which means Electronic Data System. Also he works for the HP computer company has well. So it is a far stretch from Culinary Arts as one could see. Now one may see how my dad's personality plays a big part in me today.

My dad made me who I am today by showing how to cook, sew, fix objects, build objects, etc. So practically my dad had molded my creative and crafty side of my personality.

My dad had learned how to sew from his mom. His mom, my grandma, used to sew clothes, do fixes, and patch up all of his and his four older sisters' clothes. Soon my dad begun to watch his mom, and practice on her sewing machines that she had in the basement in the house.

When I was younger, my dad had to hem the bottom of my pants when I had bought a new pair of pants because I was too short. After time of watching my dad hem my pants he began to show me how to sew projects, like purses. Soon after I had learned this talent I began to collect old fabrics, either from old clothes my parents were going to throw out or buying some at the fabric store. My skills began to become better and better, soon I was making purses for gifts, and then soon I was making pillow cases and now hemming my own pants after my dad had pinned the pant legs up. After this I got really creative and asking my dad how to show me how to sew when using a pattern. The first project with a pattern was a backpack, that I had used everyday in school, in the third grade.

The second time that we had a pattern was a very special project; my dad had made my Homecoming dress for my junior year. This dress was special in many ways because one my dad and I made it together, but also we almost did not finish it in time for Homecoming. It was so much fun to make this dress, my dad and I got to spend time with each other, though sometimes it did get frustrating of the time running out, and him having to work, and then me going to school and work. But in the end, when to dress had been finished it was a nice feeling. When I went to Homecoming, I receive so many complaints on my dress, and I told people that my dad had made it and people were amazing. People kept saying, "Your dad made that? No way!" and I would reply proudly and saying, "Yes, he did." I also loved the fact that I was original one and only person with this dress. The dress was a specially made, one of a kind Homecoming dress; and my dad had made it for me.

Also my dad had showed me the exciting part of Culinary Arts. Every year our family host the Thanksgiving dinner at our home, and make the turkey and the all important pumpkin pies. Making these pumpkin pies started off my goal in becoming a Pastry Chef one day. I just always loved how everyone waits and even saves more for the desert, and it is always the one thing people enjoy and make people smile when people eat it. I just loved making people smile I began to make cookies, brownies, rice krispie treats, chocolate cover pretzels, etc. and bring the sweet treats to school and handing the treats out to my friends and teachers. Soon I began to watch the Food Network channel on TV and trying to improve my skills to surprise family and friends around the holidays and such.

So now people can see how I am a lot like my dad, and how he had molded my ever most important creative side of me.

Writing Feedback / "I love my friends" essay, help edit [3]

I LOVE My Friends!
(this story is dedicated to Kari Jogar and Marc Paquette)

I am not the type of person who has just one best friend. I would like to think that I have many best friends. There are a few people that I would spend time with after school and would go to the mall or the movies, and such. But on the other hand I have friends I would never spend time with after school; they are fine has school acquaintances, but nothing much more.

I am a pretty outgoing, friendly person I would have to say. Although I am very shy at first, once I get to know the person I am not shy at all. Now I do not think I am a hard person to get along with either. Sure I have my ups and downs, but everyone is not perfect. What I, myself can say, that I feel I can not be put under those so called 'clicks,' personally. I am pretty eclectic I fit in pretty every 'group.'

One of my best friends' name is Kari; I love this girl to death. Kari is a sophomore at this high school and has been my friend ever since my seventh grade year in middle school. Kari is like the little sister I never had, but always wanted. Kari and I tell each other everything good or bad. We have our laughs very frequently and most of the time it is over something so pointless. Kari and I do not spend time with each other very much outside of school because of the things Kari does after school, like visiting her horse at the barn. Also because they my activities as well, like work, homework, church choir, normal choir, etc.; the list could go on forever. It seems when we are in class together or on the bus together it seems as though we are inseparable. And the bond between us is like glue that will never go.

My other best friends' name is Marc; along with Kari I love this guy to death as well. If anything happened to these two people, I would die. Marc and I tell each other everything too. Marc is also a sophomore at this high school as well. I help out Marc when he is having troubles with his girlfriend I tell him to just calm down, relax and we all can get though the situation together. Although there are sometimes I do not tell Kari some of the conversations Marc and I have, sometimes I do not need to tell Kari every little detail; which is sort of bad if we are such good friends. Because Marc and I have this little trust thing between us, and I want to keep it and not lose him as a friend.

These two people I would not say they are my 'Best Friends Forever (BFF)' because when we all grow up, go our separate ways it will not be the same: Sure we may talk to each other but we just will not ever be this tight as friends again.

Writing Feedback / "The Candy store" essay - need help on editing and a maybe a conclusion [3]

The Candy Store

All people have a trait or personality that you can fit objects to him or her. Candy for instance, people have favorite candies and such that they always eat and enjoy. Sometimes it fits to his or her personality, or not.

The first thing I would like I am most like is Gummy Bears. I am smooshy because I have my kind and caring sides to me. But when time is added to the Gummy Bears the bears start to get hard and boring. Also I have different flavors or personalities; sometimes people do not like my flavors and just do not eat those bears. Also I am pretty darn cute.

Another candy would have to be the Willy Wonka's Everlasting Gobstopppers: I have many layers and I take a long to get through. What I mean by this is I have different aspect of personalities, and it takes time to understand me and get to really know me.

Sweet Tarts would describe me well also. Just like Sweet Tarts I am sweet at first, but then I am sour and kind of hard to deal with. Like everyone else in the world I am not perfect, no one is. Everyone has their ups and downs to their personalities and such.

Laffy Taffy personally is definitely in the top of the best candy in the world. Like me, it is smooth and easy to like. It always has a joke ready to brighten up the day: though sometimes people have trouble chewing on the humorous part of the joke, and just do not comprehend it quickly.

No one can ever forget the classic Hershey's Kisses that her just a minor brother/sister of the famous Hershey's Milk Chocolate Bar. Kisses are warm and very comforting when a friend needs help, just like me at times. But I also have that fun, loving side that comes with the Kisses.

The Reese's are way different from all the others. Now Reese's have this combination of two opposites that work together in the end. Reese's are salty and sweet. The salty side in me gets the things people do not understand like, the weird jokes, or the tragedy parts in a war and have an interest in it. But while with the sweet side cares for people and has that comforting side that a person needs to have to interact with others.

But my personal all time favorite candy in the world is York Peppermint Pattie. Just the oozy, goosy, goodness that fills the body when you take that first bite of the wonderfully peppermint mixed with dark chocolate mixture. And almost feels like a person's body is being deep cleaned all over. The best time to eat a York is right after dinner, you get that little bit of taste of minty flavor to make your breath smell nice, but then the dark chocolate make it taste as though you are eating dessert.

So just like how Gummy Bears, Willy Wonka's Everlasting Gobstopppers, Sweet Tarts, Laffy Taffy, Hershey's Kisses, and Reese's are similar to my personality I have my favorite candy which does not compare to my aspect of personalities and I love and enjoy me favorite for the taste and the way it make me fell inside.

Writing Feedback / "Future me" essay, need help with conclusion [3]

Future Me

-2 years from now-
I am in college in Chicago, studying with peers who share the same interests as me in Pastry, in the Culinary Arts field. Also while I am studying Pastry I am doing photography on the side; I do portraits of people, like family pictures or senior pictures. I have a boyfriend, who I love dearly, and could never live with out.

-10 years-
I am married, and I am 28 weeks pregnant: with my first child. I am now a sister-in-law and aunt to my brother's child. My husband that I met in college are living in an apartment above a vacant business lot. Him and I are thinking about living out are dream and opening a bakery/café in the vacant business below us. Although our first child is on the way, we are most likely going to purchase the lot and want until our child as grown up some more after he or she is born.

-20 years-
My husband and I, and our two children are in the process of putting the final details into the bakery/café we started two years ago.

Our daughter's name is Khrysta, and she is ten years old. Then our son's name is Peter, and he is eight years old. Khrysta and Peter help a lot during the process of opening the family business. Also my husband and I are thinking possibly having another child a few years after we kick start the business.

-30 years-
It is my 46th birthday, and my family and my three children, Khrysta, Peter, and my 15 year old daughter Emma; decided for my birthday they were going to send my husband and me on a cruise to Jamaica and go scuba diving, for a week.

Our bakery/café is listed in the Top 5: Greatest Place to Relax with Friends. We have had Food Network come and film us for a show, and demonstrate one of our famous birthday cakes and serve up some homemade chicken noodle soup.

-50 years-
I am a grandma. All my children have got married and have had at least on or more children themselves. I have a total of seven grandchildren, a total of 2 nephews and nieces; and remember all their names on top of that. I am soon going to hit my 70th birthday in a few years.

My children work at the business with their mom and dad, and bring their children to help someone if they are not at school. Even sometimes they just came to see grandma and grandpa. Now I look back and realize how such I good life I have had, and hope to continue it happily, excitingly, full of hope.

Writing Feedback / Stefanie Marie - need help on editing and a CONCLUSION. [3]

this essay is about my name and it's origin/background, why my parents named my, etc. thank you

My Name and Me

I am a person who doesn't know too much about her name like, the meanings and origins. My birth and full name to this day is Stefanie Marie Fluke.

When my mother was pregnant with me, my parents didn't know what sex I was. So my parents had to come up with both a male name and a female name as well. When figuring out what to name me, my parents were looking through a name book. If I was a boy my parents were going to name my Christian Lloyd Fluke. Christian means 'follower of Christ' in Latin and Lloyd means 'grey' in Welsh. If I was a girl, and course I am, I was going to be named Stefanie Marie Fluke. Stefanie means 'crown' in Greek and Marie means 'wished for child' in Hebrew. And of course my last would stay the same whether I was a boy or girl. Fluke comes from the South German word flück which is a nickname for 'a bright and lively person' or the Middle High German word vlücke which means 'fully fledged.'

When my parents named me for my middle name it only made sense to name me Marie because my dad's sister's, my mom's sister's, and my great grandmother on my mom's side has the name Marie.

I really do not mind my full name I just wished that people would spell my name correctly. Yes, it is more common to have the spelling be 'Stephanie,' but my name is spelt 'Stefanie.' Also I dislike when people call me Step-on-me, Steffy, Fluker, or Gwen Stefani. Those are not my name so do not call me that. But I do not mind if you call me Fluke, Stef, Fluke-inator, or Fluke-ster. I have asked my friends many times why they call me Fluke most of the time instead of calling me Stefanie which is my name, and one of my friends said, "because it is a cool my to say, also is kind of fun and funny to say...FLUKE!" I giggled at this and kept doing what I was doing.

Writing Feedback / "Private Me" essay - need help on editing and a conclusion. [3]

this essay is about things i do not think people know about me. thank you

Private Me

I am a person who does not exactly tell people all about myself. There are some things people do not know about me. Like the activities I do, the topics I am interested in, the movies I like, the music I listen to, or even that I have to wear reading glasses, that I am in both my high school choir and my church choir, also that I am German, Polish, and Croatian, or that even play video games like crazy and understand what W.A.S.D. means.

An activity I absolutely love to do, and every summer I pray that my family does it is: white water rafting. The adrenalin that pumps through my body when the raft is about to hit the rapid, it is insane! There are some ups and downs to white water rafting though. The ups are it is really fun; you get to spend time with friends, family, or whomever; also it is a fun activity to do if you have never done it before. Now comes the down part about white water rafting, it is very dangerous, people have gotten killed doing this; you absolutely have to listen to the person who is leading the raft, this person knows what he or she is doing and can keep you safe, and in the raft.

One year my mom fell out of the raft at the second most dangerous part of the whole river, 'Pinball.' It was probably the scarcest event in my life. My mom had gone under the raft after she had fallen out. As soon as we saw her head pop up my dad, your present exchange student, and I pulled her in immediately.

The next time we went was with the same exchange student that came last time with us was visiting and he had bought his mom with him this time. We had also bought one of our family friends who was only a couple years older than me. Luckily, no one fell out that year.

Another thing people may not know about me is I sleep with a stuffed animal still. The reason that I still sleep with him is because he had used to be my grandpa's who had pasted away. My grandpa was diagnosed with Alzheimer Disease in 1995 and Parkinson Disease around the same time.

February 14, 2005 my grandpa had pasted away. But a couple of days before I had given my grandpa a doll he had given me for Christmas one year when I was younger while he was in the hospital. What was so special about this doll was he had picked it out all by himself, normally my grandma would have gone out the get the presents for everyone, but nope my grandpa picked this doll just for me all by himself. When he had pasted away my mom had brought the doll back to me and had also bought with a stuffed animal of a dog. My mom had said that my grandma thought I would like this and I could have if I wanted it, and if I did not like it to give it back to her. Of course, I took the stuffed animal and about every night since then I have slept with my stuffed animal.

The last pretty serious thing I think people do not know about me is I like Star Wars and a pretty significant amount of ScFi related movies, shows, etc. I have gone to two midnight shows of Star War movies. I love how funny it is how people dress up the characters in the movies and go to the movie theaters like that. Also I like how I get to miss the next day of school if I go to midnight showings. I really do not know exactly why I like Star Wars so much; think I would have to give all the credit to both my dad and my brother for getting me so interested in it.

So it is evident that though these points that not everyone knows everything about me.