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Posts by Pann
Joined: Mar 19, 2012
Last Post: May 6, 2015
Threads: 3
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Pann   
May 6, 2015
Writing Feedback / Excessive use of mobile phones and computers badly affects writing and reading skills [5]

Hi Vidya,

It is my pleasure to help. Most of the time, reading through good textbooks that you are interested in would help in vocab and structure. And when writing, find the good synonym from thesaurus sites, look through the examples, and try applied it in a proper way would also expand your vocab. But no need to find the high end ones only what you see fit. You will find good books using simple words but deliver the message clearly. That's the most important. Reading, writing, thinking, planning, and after a while, it will be instinctively incorporated in your writing.

Warm regards,
Pann
Pann   
May 4, 2015
Writing Feedback / Students in developed countries spend their leisure time for working or travelling [2]

Before entering university, pupils in some states usually spend their leisure time for working in part-time job or travelling to several different resorts. Because of this , it would make them close to job'sworking environment, and give new them the new spectacular experiences. However, it would be virus(virus is for computers) which encourages them to focus in job and travelling as priority instead of studying.

There are many grammar mistakes and unnecessary auxiliary words.

Try to choose just one adjective i.e. several resort or different resorts not "several different resorts".

New experiences or spectacular experiences not "new spectacular experiences". It is overwhelming. Too much of good things is bad thing.

Please makes your sentences simple as what you want to say. Try thinking of talking to 5 years old boy who know only few simple words.

Before entering university, pupils in some states usually spend their leisure time for working in part-time job or travelling to different resorts. This makes them close to working environment and gives them new experiences. However, this condition encourages them to focus on job and travelling as priority instead of studying.


There are some benefits that can be acquired from this case.However, there are some benefits. First of all, it gives student the reflecting reflection of their future's career as they have tried working in a company which suitable withto their hobbies even tough in only for a short time. For example, the part-time job in carpenter's factory which taught them the rules and what have to be fulfill for pupil's career. In addition, travelling refreshes their mood with new challenge, because it would add special-unexpected events. For instance, climbing Bromo Mountain in east java in Indonesia which provides a very beautiful scenery. Finally, students could buy their daily basis with their own money as working pays good salaries such as housekeeping in Al Burj Hotel offering AED 4,310 per month.

Find the adjustment below

However, there are some benefits. First, it gives the students reflection of their future careers as they had tried working in companies which are suitable to their hobbies, even for a short period of time. For example, the part-time job in carpenter's factory had taught them the rules and fulfillment condition of pupil's career. In addition, travelling refreshes the moods with new challenges because of unexpected events; for instance, climbing Bromo Mountain in east java in Indonesia with beautiful scenery. Finally, students will buy their daily goods with their own working money.


Working and travelling are often cause young people careless for study as it is imperative that money and holiday are the things which make people happy. For the example, 2.3 million Indonesian children aged 7-14 years still work in employment . As a result, young people are being lazy to attend attending the class.

Work and travel often cause young people to be careless about their study as money and holidays make them happier. For example, 2.3 million Indonesian children aged 7-14 years are still working. As a result, young people are being lazy to attend attending the class.

To sum up, young people in developed countries tend to work or travel for spending their free time before entering class in university. Although it would affect them to be lazy for study, it also have more positive impacts such as getting new experiences, much more money and feel comfortable for their future jobs. Although it would make them lazy to study, it also create positive impacts such as new experiences, money, and comfortability for future career. Therefore, I personally believe that utilizing time with these activities would give the positive improvement for the students.

To sum up, young people in developed countries tend to work or travel for spending their free time before entering class in university. Although it would make them lazy to study, it also create positive impacts such as new experiences, money, and comfortability for future career. Therefore, I personally believe that utilizing time with these activities would give the positive improvement for the students.

Edited essay

Before entering university, pupils in some states usually spend their leisure time for working in part-time job or travelling to different resorts. This makes them close to working environment and gives them new experiences. However, this condition encourages them to focus on job and travelling as priority instead of studying.

Yet, there are some benefits. First, it gives the students reflection of their future careers as they had tried working in companies which are suitable to their hobbies, even for a short period of time. For example, the part-time job in carpenter's factory had taught them the rules and fulfillment condition of pupil's career. In addition, travelling refreshes the moods with new challenges because of unexpected events; for instance, climbing Bromo Mountain in east java in Indonesia with beautiful scenery. Finally, students will buy their daily goods with their own working money.

On the other hand, work and travel often cause young people to be careless about their study as money and holidays make them happier. For example, 2.3 million Indonesian children aged 7-14 years are still working. As a result, young people are being lazy to attend attending the class.

To sum up, young people in developed countries tend to work or travel for spending their free time before entering class in university. Although it would make them lazy to study, it also create positive impacts such as new experiences, money, and comfortability for future career. Therefore, I personally believe that utilizing time with these activities would give the positive improvement for the students.

Your structure is not good because you did not make yourselves clear which direction your argument is going

Intro - Work is good to get new experiences but it makes people don't want to study
Point 1- There is some benefits.
Point 2 - But it makes people don't want to study
Conclusion - it is good to work and travel overall

Please focus on your structure to emphasize what you want to say even though there is two-side of story. Deliver what you think and why you think that is true. Then rebuttal what is the drawbacks. Finally, conclude why your argument is still valid.

Hope this helps
Pann

Pann   
May 4, 2015
Writing Feedback / Natural Monopoly and Its Provision [2]

Given the economic structure, laws and regulations in Thailand, what would be the most suitable type of natural monopoly for the society? Private ownership or State-Owned Enterprises (SOEs) and Why?

Is private enterprise more efficient than state-owned enterprise? The empirical evidences in Thailand says so. However, Thai economy is different from the advanced economies like United States. Therefore, adopting or reforming the natural monopoly companies' structure requires applicability of various factors such as political interests, expertizes in specific businesses, and commitment of government official in the SOEs. Thailand would always need to think twice before adopting a package of laws and regulations that affects many lives and may triggers resistances. The government and the law provision should carefully develop as natural monopoly and its public utilities such as electricity or telecommunication have substantial impacts on economic development.

First, let us assume that private enterprises in natural monopoly is more efficient and the SOEs are not. Private firms deliver a lower price and higher quality under good provision of independent experts and regulators. But does Thailand has the professional executives and experts to provide efficient private ownership of natural monopoly? Strong incentive and legal provision to bring in the best personnel and look after the enterprise are the two crucial factors of success. Otherwise, private enterprises can cause a problem as well.

Second, if the price and quality is better in private firms, why there is little progress on privatization? The first statement gives us some insights of how difficult it is to have private companies. Having said that, SOEs are also powerful in political agenda and vital to Thai economy. Even though the inefficacy exists but SOEs gives government the power to control and generate revenue if it is managed properly. We must say that there is a grey market in Thailand, consisting oft good SOEs and terrible ones with bureaucrats in businesses. Therefore, our focus may move towards new questions. Is it possible to eliminate bureaucracy apart from privatization? Or the privatization that will not provoke resistance by having reduction in state-ownership but still sufficient to get access to control and revenue? This leads us to a mixed strategies and middle-way approach to natural monopoly.

The implication is that the reformation is necessary but how to do it in a wise way. Whatever the solution is, forceful public interests on natural monopoly lay upon many sectors including public, private, producers, consumers and our people. Thus, the cooperation of private and public decision-makers to eliminate inefficiency and promote the favorable outcomes for the vast majority is predominantly needed.
Pann   
May 4, 2015
Writing Feedback / Excessive use of mobile phones and computers badly affects writing and reading skills [5]

Hello there, this is overall a great writing. Almost perfect structure with a little adjustment. Mostly vocab are good because you try to minimize repetition. But some words are sound itchy, too high vocab and not commonly in use e.g. 'multifarious' which can be replaced with just 'several'.

Little grammar mistake and over-complicated sentence that can be simplify. Overall, it is still a great argument, representing both point of view. Also a perfect conclusion. Please find here some suggestion and adjustment.


Today's technological advances in information technologyToday's advanced information technologyhave has many impacts in the buddingcontemporary society. While many are in favor offavor (parallel structure with 'indicate') positive impacts such as improved intelligent quotient (never seen in use) and connecting people, others indicate the negative impacts of overuse of these devices (what devices? give examples)on creative skillson creativity of students. In my opinion, this is a normal effect of the current revolutionary technological era that we are living in.

There are multifarious reasons in which these modern devices aid today's generation, teenagers in particular.There are several reasons why modern technology aids current generation, particularly teenager. (Try using simple words and sentence) Firstly, reading tasks have become much easier with the unique(how is it unique?) invention of internet, which brings all the global information to the study desk. There are various internet search engines enable the information gathering much quicker for the juveniles, instead of wasting their time in travelling to the library and searching for books shelf by shelf. Secondly, a lot of young students improve their writing skills by learning through forums such as Writer's Bug, Essay Forum or maintain (think of other words) individual web blog to express their views and ideas. Many youngsters maintain their own web-blog to expressimprove their creative writing skills (or express their creativities) (you cannot express a creative writing skill but can improve) . This phenomenon clearly illustrates a shift in normal humanitarianhuman development in the expression of creativity skills in a different medium other than pen and paper. (humanitarian means something like helping a refugee)

The last 2 parts have no error. But the above paragraph can be separated for clear and well-structured message. Remember to use 1 paragraph for one point. First, second, third, on different paragraph as shown below.

Today's advanced information technology has many impacts in the budding society. While many favor positive impacts such as improved intelligent quotient and connecting people, others indicate the negative impacts of overuse of these devices on creativities of students. In my opinion, this is a normal effect of the current revolutionary technological era that we are living in. There are several reasons why modern technology aids current generation, particularly teenager.

Firstly, reading tasks have become much easier with the unique invention of internet, which brings all the global information to the study desk. There are various internet search engines enable the information gathering much quicker for the juveniles, instead of wasting their time in travelling to the library and searching for books shelf by shelf.

Secondly, a lot of young students improve their writing skills by learning through forums such as Writer's Bug, Essay Forum or maintain individual web blog to express their views and ideas. Many youngsters maintain their own web-blog to express their creativities. This phenomenon clearly illustrates a shift in normal human development in the expression of creativity skills in a different medium other than pen and paper.

Nevertheless, overuse of modern technology takes its own toll on youngsters both in personal and social levels. From the personal level, it affects not only the health of the individuals, but also their learning ability. For instance, young pupils solely depend on the auto correction software for correcting their spelling and grammar lessons. Many young graduates show poor vocabulary skills and retaining ability because of their overt indulgence in sending messages in short abbreviations, slangs, codes and negligence of traditional cursive writing forms and methods during their school. On social level, excessive utilization of electronic devices leads to the 'dependence syndrome' in youth which greatly impairs creativity, independent social behavior and decision making ability of adolescents.

To conclude, in my opinion, the benefits outweigh its drawbacks. If we continue to encourage the younger generation to use both traditional and modern ways of learning in balance, it will prove to be beneficial for both the individuals and society.


Now it shows a good structure.

Intro - What I think - Technologies are good
Point 1 - why is it good
Point 2 - why is it good
Rebuttal - But there is some drawbacks and why my argument still valid.
Conclusion - Here is how to overcome the drawbacks. Balance the usage.

Great writing. Hope this helps.

Pann

Pann   
Apr 19, 2015
Writing Feedback / To what extent is the inequality good or bad for the economic development? [2]

To what extent is the inequality good or bad for the economic development?
According to the research paper of François Bourguignon (2004), the poverty reduction and growth are the objectives that have triangle-interrelation together with inequality. With the regard to economic development, poverty alleviation must be advocated by both economic growth and distribution policy towards the poor. On one hand, absolute poverty can be alleviated by an increase in income per capita or economic growth, on the other hand, relative poverty that adjusted for rising average income can still persist when the gains are not distributed with equality. Thus, the poverty reduction is determined by growth of mean income of the population and changes in the distribution. However, the redistribution or more equitable society has its cost and therefore we must discuss the foregone development in order to achieve equity.

First, in general, the distribution effect in comparison to the growth effect on poverty reduction will depends on the initial condition of development and income disparity of a country. For example, a low-income and low-inequality country benefits more from economic growth than distribution policy. On the contrary, high-income and high-inequality country, the effect on poverty reduction will be less elastic to growth and more elastic distribution of income. Therefore, the optimal strategies for development depends on a country's characteristic.

Second, it is questionable that there could be a tradeoff for more equal society and growth. In this case, the statement we made so far would have to be reconsidered as we assumed that both instrument of development can be functioning simultaneously to optimize the level of development. The relations of growth and inequality may be interrelated or independent from each other, depending on our assumptions and hypotheses.

The effect of growth on inequality will normally be inconclusive due to the structural of economy that is determined by many factors such as political philosophy, institutional standard, social relations, and so on. But with regard to economic development in consistent with growth, there should be more social participation demanding for more equitable society. However, it is statistically insignificant to prove with the data.

Having said that, it still comes back to initial condition and policy choices that will determine the mixture of economic growth and distribution policy, resulting in the effect of growth on level of inequality.

The effect of inequality on growth is even far more complex but it can be generalized that extreme inequality or equality is not good for economic growth. The paper has discussed that on the negative impacts of high inequality would resulted in inefficiency due to credit market imperfections and political instability when the poor cannot have fair opportunities as the rich do.

Notwithstanding these effects, the thing that should be emphasized on the political context is the perspective on the redistribution policies i.e. progressive and regressive tax. According the paper, the high-inequality implies regressive tax in favor of the rich due to political influence which in turn promoting economic growth. Vice versa, the more equitable society implies progressive tax that would lead to lower growth if it reduces efficiency or incentives of productivities but it may not always be the case.

The progressive tax - as mentioned it depends on discretions - may increase efficiency on transferring wealth instead of income. Although the progressive income tax will reduce the incentive on productivity and economic efficiency, the wealth redistribution can be growth-enhancing such as land reform or social protections that advocate the poor to accumulate capital in various forms e.g. education equality, without reducing income of the rich which will reduce their incentives and productivities.

In conclusion and on personal comments, extreme inequality or equality is not good for economic development as we have discussed there are many possible routes of development that depends on various conditions. This paper has introduced the route of redistributing wealth from the rich to the poor. To put it differently, it is the changing how much poor people would get out of the pie size which is difficult due to many political constraints. Another route would be increasing the pie size from the grass-root level or for the poor people which will also reduce the income disparity thought many policies e.g. functional redistribution on traditional sector enlargement and enrichment that will not necessary harm the rich people or even generate benefits because the sectors are generally positively linked to the others. It is always important that policy approach do take into consideration of more sustainable development from the other perspective as poverty-growth-inequality may not be only triangle-relation but multidimensional determined by other important factors as well.

Reference: Bourguignon, F. (2004). The Poverty-Growth-Inequality Triangle. Indian Council for Research on International Economic Relations, New Delhi, India, Working Paper 125.

This writing is an assignment for my economic development class to summarize a research paper after reading it. Thank you for your time.
Pann   
Mar 19, 2012
Writing Feedback / 'Preparation' - What events, activities have contributed to your own self-development [2]

Hello,

English is my 2nd language, I appreciated your help for even just taking a look a my essay. I need a lot of practice of grammar, style (SEXJ) = Statement, explaination, example and justification; and active verb( like instead of join, I should use participate). These kind of help would be really useful. Thank you very much.

What events, activities or achievements have contributed to your own self-development

Preparation is all of my events, activities and achievements for my development which has completely changed my attitude. "You learn something every day if you pay attention." is the best description of my modernized perspective towards life. This is the most significant self-development during the final year of my high school.

Four months before my first SAT exam, I started to prepare anyhow to advance this test. However, I had no insight at the time; consequently, I resolve that by going straight into the previous practice SAT papers without any comprehension. This resulted in my appalling score. Therefore, I lost all of my confidence and arrogance and finally determined to give more effort in studying by study two to three hours every day. Hoping that there is somehow to attain a favorable outcome.

Subsequent to the failure, I had aware of insufficient diligence and assiduousness. When I am open-minded, I recognize the relevant knowledge from school which supports and implements my SAT test from daily education. Accordingly, I adapted and applied various input by studying dedicatedly at school and with myself. On the one hand, better grade and results are what I acquired, but on the other hand, I proudly received admiration from my parents, teacher; moreover, respect from other students. This has made my accomplishments such a wonderful experience and development. I always appreciate the diligence of those hardworking because it never goes wasted.

Despite the magnificent achievements I have attained, I have been working breathlessly and energetically. Concentrating on and giving priority to academics beyond my leisure. "Practice makes perfect", I have learnt to organize my time to have an efficient study both of the school and SAT. Also evaluating the work I have done and paying attention to small subjects which will facilitate my "Preparation". I have struggled, worked not only to acknowledge but go far beyond to make the best of it. Therefore, my effort has been apperceive by teachers, parents and people around me. They encourage and support my education resulted in my pleasure of studying.

Eventually, I found my pleasure in academics, which I could not since I started my education. I am grateful to share my experience, inform or apprehend new things from everyday life as my supporter did. Ultimately, I endeavor to continue learning and living with the best awareness, in order to make every single minute as my precious opportunity.
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