icez
Apr 14, 2012
Writing Feedback / Essay - Street knowledge vs. book knowledge [6]
Thank you all. I appriciate all your kind. :)
Thank you all. I appriciate all your kind. :)
icez
Apr 12, 2012
Writing Feedback / My toefl essay - If you could change one thing about your hometown, what would it be? [2]
Hi everyone, I tried to improve my essay. I will take toefl test in the next 2 weeks. I am nervous. LOL.
Please kindly review my essay. Thanks in advance.
If you could change one thing about your hometown, what would it be?
Thailand, in which I live, has been having the continual improvement of technology and communication. Bangkok, being my hometown, is the center city of such development. Thus, there are several kinds of the facilities established throughout the city for making people' lives convenient and better than ever before. Sky train as well as subway is one of the most significant examples. We have had the fast communication system for several years ago. However, it is restricted to be located nearby downtown. So, if I could have a chance to change one thing, I would like to set up new routes for sky train and make them more prevalent than they now are. I am going to describe my reasons.
First of all, I could go to my workplace on time if subway station were in my neighborhood. Currently, even though my office is in downtown, I still have to use other public transports to reach subway station because it is not nearby my home. Therefore, I must take several steps till being at my office. It makes me inconvenient. On the other hand, if such a subway station were closely located in my neighborhood, I would not have to be caught in traffic jam and could go to work on schedule. It is due to rather accurate time duration of its transporting. Indeed, it would be helpful for me in order not to waste too much time on express way.
Moreover, new routes of subway bring about increasing growth of its adjacent area. There would be new buildings such as complex malls, universities for higher education. It would be deemed to be one of the options for residents. For instance, if a new university were founded nearby where they live, students would not need to admission to other distant universities. This could cause following problems such as higher cost of transportation or finding new dormitories. In addition, some people could be recruited for several jobs at the university. Eventually, it would lead to development of the community apart from urban area.
As the reasons stated above, if I could change one thing in my hometown, I would form new routes subway transportation. It would help people to save time in everyday lives. Also, it results in flourishing of the communities along the subway.
Hi everyone, I tried to improve my essay. I will take toefl test in the next 2 weeks. I am nervous. LOL.
Please kindly review my essay. Thanks in advance.
If you could change one thing about your hometown, what would it be?
Thailand, in which I live, has been having the continual improvement of technology and communication. Bangkok, being my hometown, is the center city of such development. Thus, there are several kinds of the facilities established throughout the city for making people' lives convenient and better than ever before. Sky train as well as subway is one of the most significant examples. We have had the fast communication system for several years ago. However, it is restricted to be located nearby downtown. So, if I could have a chance to change one thing, I would like to set up new routes for sky train and make them more prevalent than they now are. I am going to describe my reasons.
First of all, I could go to my workplace on time if subway station were in my neighborhood. Currently, even though my office is in downtown, I still have to use other public transports to reach subway station because it is not nearby my home. Therefore, I must take several steps till being at my office. It makes me inconvenient. On the other hand, if such a subway station were closely located in my neighborhood, I would not have to be caught in traffic jam and could go to work on schedule. It is due to rather accurate time duration of its transporting. Indeed, it would be helpful for me in order not to waste too much time on express way.
Moreover, new routes of subway bring about increasing growth of its adjacent area. There would be new buildings such as complex malls, universities for higher education. It would be deemed to be one of the options for residents. For instance, if a new university were founded nearby where they live, students would not need to admission to other distant universities. This could cause following problems such as higher cost of transportation or finding new dormitories. In addition, some people could be recruited for several jobs at the university. Eventually, it would lead to development of the community apart from urban area.
As the reasons stated above, if I could change one thing in my hometown, I would form new routes subway transportation. It would help people to save time in everyday lives. Also, it results in flourishing of the communities along the subway.
icez
Apr 12, 2012
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Why do we need music? - traditional music is used in vast level [3]
Hi. Jiya.
For your essay, I am not sure about how ielts essay pattern should be organized.
But I think you don't have enough supporting details. You could add more reasons.
For example, traditional music can be one of the national treasures.
Our descendants will know about how we lived through such music. (It's just my opinion)
Btw, you tried to write all genres of music in your introduction. I think it's redundant. You should not fulfill wordcounts by giving lots of examples like these.
get relaxation from tension ==> I think it should be 'release tension' not relaxation.
Those uneducated or local people can't understand the international music => ...can't understand the meaning of international music
Hi. Jiya.
For your essay, I am not sure about how ielts essay pattern should be organized.
But I think you don't have enough supporting details. You could add more reasons.
For example, traditional music can be one of the national treasures.
Our descendants will know about how we lived through such music. (It's just my opinion)
Btw, you tried to write all genres of music in your introduction. I think it's redundant. You should not fulfill wordcounts by giving lots of examples like these.
get relaxation from tension ==> I think it should be 'release tension' not relaxation.
Those uneducated or local people can't understand the international music => ...can't understand the meaning of international music
icez
Apr 12, 2012
Writing Feedback / "Education is the key to success" discuss your view about this. [3]
I think your ideas and how you organize your essay is good. But you should concentrate about paraphase and synonyms. For example, you can avoid the word successful in some sentences.
One example is Jacky Wu,...Hence, it is evident that individuals born with talents have a better chance to be more successful.
=> have a better chance to be accomplished person
I think your ideas and how you organize your essay is good. But you should concentrate about paraphase and synonyms. For example, you can avoid the word successful in some sentences.
One example is Jacky Wu,...Hence, it is evident that individuals born with talents have a better chance to be more successful.
=> have a better chance to be accomplished person
icez
Apr 4, 2012
Writing Feedback / Essay - Street knowledge vs. book knowledge [6]
Please kindly review my TOEFL essay. Thanks in advance.
"Street knowledge vs. book knowledge" Compare learning from studying and learning from experience.
There are many kinds of knowledgeable resources throughout all over the world. Text books are one of the most important cultivated materials. All theoretical knowledge is normally written on the books from which people have studied since they enrolled to the primary school until work. However, learning from experiences or anything else beyond the book knowledge is most significant for people as well. Some people who are good at studying might not be able to cope with problems in the real world if they have never had other experiences.
On the one hand, people can study certain knowledge from text books. The theoretical books contain proven theories and useful knowledge that people ready to use and adapt it in any way. To illustrate, engineering students learn the newton's three laws and use such basis of physics for understanding the other complex structure such as how an airplane works to float itself in the air. Therefore, they do not have to waste their time to find solutions having already had. The knowledge in books makes us more intellectual and helps us to achieve in studying and also to move forward in terms of work.
On the other hand, learning through trial and error is worthwhile experiences for people. Apart from the study classes, there is a great deal of knowledge that people can learn from. Some knowledge cannot be taught completely by writing on books. For instance, people who want to play a guitar can learn from the books teaching how to play it. Yet, they cannot play it well if they do not frequently practice. In addition, new graduated programmers tend to face the problem involving how to create efficiently applications which are able to support all clients, many workloads and a great number of transactions after going live. They can approach this way if they get more experiences.
In conclusion, knowledge is not only from a book but also from experiences beside the classes. People can gain more intellectual abilities from books. However, they can learn how to cope with problem in the real world through their experiences.
Please kindly review my TOEFL essay. Thanks in advance.
"Street knowledge vs. book knowledge" Compare learning from studying and learning from experience.
There are many kinds of knowledgeable resources throughout all over the world. Text books are one of the most important cultivated materials. All theoretical knowledge is normally written on the books from which people have studied since they enrolled to the primary school until work. However, learning from experiences or anything else beyond the book knowledge is most significant for people as well. Some people who are good at studying might not be able to cope with problems in the real world if they have never had other experiences.
On the one hand, people can study certain knowledge from text books. The theoretical books contain proven theories and useful knowledge that people ready to use and adapt it in any way. To illustrate, engineering students learn the newton's three laws and use such basis of physics for understanding the other complex structure such as how an airplane works to float itself in the air. Therefore, they do not have to waste their time to find solutions having already had. The knowledge in books makes us more intellectual and helps us to achieve in studying and also to move forward in terms of work.
On the other hand, learning through trial and error is worthwhile experiences for people. Apart from the study classes, there is a great deal of knowledge that people can learn from. Some knowledge cannot be taught completely by writing on books. For instance, people who want to play a guitar can learn from the books teaching how to play it. Yet, they cannot play it well if they do not frequently practice. In addition, new graduated programmers tend to face the problem involving how to create efficiently applications which are able to support all clients, many workloads and a great number of transactions after going live. They can approach this way if they get more experiences.
In conclusion, knowledge is not only from a book but also from experiences beside the classes. People can gain more intellectual abilities from books. However, they can learn how to cope with problem in the real world through their experiences.