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Posts by apoklypz
Joined: Apr 17, 2012
Last Post: Apr 21, 2012
Threads: 2
Posts: 4  


Displayed posts: 6
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apoklypz   
Apr 21, 2012
Writing Feedback / IELTS 2: Repeat the same or Try new things? [5]

Generally, there are two types of people in this world namely people who prefer to do the same things and avoid changes in their lives and people who are opened to changes. Each type of people have their preference due to their own reasons such as life style and budget.

For the group of people that prefer to do the same things, they are normally reserved and not willing to take risk. For example a teacher who teaches the same subject in the same school for a long period or even until retirement. These are the people that satisfied with their works and lives so they find no reason to change. They are also reluctant to change their works or places because they are worried that they cannot adapt to the new environment,

On the contrary, the other group of people prefer to have changes in their life. Their characteristic can be seen as adventurous, energetic and extroverted. For instance, an undergraduate student who studies in an overseas university but works in a different country after graduated. He or she wants to experience the different cultural and environment in foreign places since study period and continue to pursue such dream when step into society.

In my opinion, I prefer to have changes in life. This is because life will be merrier and much more fun with changes. As long as the changes are beneficial and controllable, we should accept changes in our lives. Nevertheless, the people who prefer to be unchanged should be respected. In conclusion, people should have the freedom to choose their preference in the changes in their life.

Please rate my band according to marking criteria? (band 1-9)
Task Achievement
Coherence and Cohesion
Lexical Resource
Grammatical Range and Accuracy

and how to improve them
apoklypz   
Apr 21, 2012
Writing Feedback / Spanking or No Spanking (argumentative essay) [3]

Overall I think you write very well, except that sometimes you miss out commas to pause the sentence briefly.

"And because they were spanked, slapped and beat for any or all occurrence" -> I think you are trying to say "And because they were spanked, slapped and beat when they were young "?

"I was speak less for once" - If you mean that you are unable to speak, then you should use "I was speechless or once"

"As a parent professional I have witness" -> "As a parent professional, I have witnessed "
"me many nights of not sleeping" -> "me many sleepless nights "
"In a store recently two children were playing with each other" -> "In a store recently, two children were playing with each other"

"slap the older child in the face" -> "slapped the older child in the face"
"I stood and watched in awed" -> "I stood and watched in awe "
"Parents feel as though if spanking or beating of their child is taking from them they will have no control over their children." -> "Parents feel as though if spanking or beating of their child is taken away from them, they will have no control over their children."

"and employed new and productive methods in disciplining children." -> "and employ new and productive methods in disciplining children."

Spelling mistakes
"harse" = "harsh"
apoklypz   
Apr 21, 2012
Writing Feedback / 'In Mongolian it sounds like rice' - I have a destination to reach! [2]

..."understanding that if you want, you can do"...

I think it's "if you want to, you can do it". But there's also a popular saying "If you believe you can, you can" which you can use. For someone who learnt English 2 years ago, your grammar and writing is pretty good. I hope you achieve your goal. Send me a postcard when you are in America ;)
apoklypz   
Apr 17, 2012
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Richer nations should help poorer nations in health, education and trade. [4]

Below is the essay question and answer for IETLS General Training Task 2. My target is to get Band 7. I got 6.5 in the last test, next test is 12/5/2012. Please comment. Thanks.

Question:
Improvements in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer nations. However, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in such areas.

Answer:
Improvements in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer nations. Poorer nations need help from richer nations in these areas to develop their countries.

Firstly, in the area of health, poorer nations normally have less quantity of doctors and nurses compared to richer nations. High population in poorer countries due to lack of family planning caused the proportion of doctors unbalance to the quantity of resident. On top of that, poorer nations are lack of hospitals to fulfill the demand of the patients. To solve these issues, richer nations can contribute by delegating doctors and nurses to these power nations as well as donate money to build hospitals.

Secondly, in the area of education, it is generally agreed that poorer countries often lack of teachers in schools as well as lecturers in higher education institutions. Besides that, education for these countries normally is not free so only certain group of students can afford it. In order to solve the education manpower problem, richer countries can allocate experienced educators to train more teachers and lecturers in poorer countries. Meanwhile, for the issue of education fee, richer countries should offer scholarships and loan to the qualified students.

Lastly, in the area of trade, no one can deny that poorer countries are lagging behind richer countries due to shortage of money. Trading are less active in poorer countries may also be caused by incomplete transportation infrastructure. For example, residents in rural areas still depend on their own farm for food production. As a token of goodwill, richer nations can provide financial service to poorer countries to encourage trading. The former can also give consultation on setting up a complete and efficient transportation infrastructure to support trading.

In conclusion, richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in all health, education and trade. Improvements in these areas will create a better life for residents in poorer nations which they can use to grow their homeland.
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