Undergraduate / 'Senior student's pressure' - medicine, radiotherapy Essay applying to universities [2]

Hi, I am going to apply university programmes of medicine, radiotherapy, medical laboratory, food safety and others related to help people having better condition on health. I need to write an essay for about 500 words. Could you help to improve my essay? Thank you.

It is given to only few candidates to have their talents earn quickly for them the admittances. The others, with their academic records, still succeed in convincing their institutions of their abilities. Myself, I have nothing more than my hard works and enthusiastic towards health care, and a wish of your understanding.

I have nothing to be proud of except having experiences of joining different activities and competitions, which I have gained in my personal growth. Being the publicity officer of the Students' Association, I have become confident in speaking in front of the public and improved my communication skill. Joining the Innovative Energy Design Competition make me realize the scientific knowledge is in this everyday modern world. After joining the competition, my interest towards science increased as well.

I am always ready to serve others. 'The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.' I always find my own value through serving other. I have joined different kinds of voluntary work, including visiting the elderly, organizing games for children to play, having trip with the disabled...etc... I have gained the experiences on how to serve people, especially the old people and people with mental retardation. Thinking from their angles., I always know what are the appropriate actions. For example, I know that most elderly cannot walk fast and it is a warm action to walk with their pace.

Whenever I face challenges, I always start solving the problem by reflecting on myself. Academically, if I have problem on a math question, I review my answer. When nothing comes out, I would seek help from my teachers and classmates. Some people are shy to seek help from others, but this does not include me. As I always know this always works.

Being a senior student, pressure is always there. To alleviate it, I exercise regularly and share my personal feeling with parents. I would tell myself to calm down. After these practices, I can always do my job at my highest efficiency.

Learning in the university can broaden my horizon. Due to my strong interest toward science and a heart of willing to serve, I would like to continue to further my studies in health care. I hope that I can contribute to the society fully in the future.

Scholarship / Scholarship advice (Outstanding Performance in Sciences) [6]

Hi all, could you please give some advice on it? It requires me to write an essay (not more than 500 words) giving reasons why you think you deserve the scholarship. I don't know if I have included suitable material in the essay and actually, I have written 529 words, however, I do have any ideas how to delete the things. It would be great if you could help. Thank you very much.

Dear Scholarship Selection Committee,

I am writing to apply for Winnie Tam Scholarship. I take this opportunity to introduce myself and tell the reasons why I deserve the scholarship.

Since childhood I have a great interest towards Science. I asked about 'why' and my father could always answer me in the view of Science. Somehow, I was affected by my father.

I did not confirm my career setting until last September. I strongly experienced how one's death affected people who are living. My friend's relative who was very close to her passed away in an accident. Observing her for at least a month, no appetite, no concentration, and her body seemed to just be a container without content. It is distressful to see her like that. Medicine becomes my most wanted studied subject.

Although I have passion for being a doctor, I never had the chance to fully develop this interest. However, I discovered the fun of science via both my academics and my extracurricular activities.

Academically, I studied Science to understand the subtlety of it. Though my academic result may drop a bit this year, my interest towards this subject never falls a tiny bit.

As my strong curiosity about Science, I challenge myself by joining the Innovate Energy Design Competition with my friends. In the competition, we designed an environmental-friendly house which applied all renewable energy like solar power and included an idea using the movement of a mouse as a source of energy. Obviously, being a secondary 4 student, I quickly found that sufficient scientific knowledge was extremely important. Without scientific knowledge, any ideas could never turn into a workable plan. Therefore, in this academic year, I have devoted myself in education.

Joining the school educational trip to New Zealand broadened my horizon. The most memorable of the trip is determining sedimentation based on the size of cockles and number of cockles located within certain area. I dig up live cockles with my partners, count and measure the size of them. By these, I can suggest the time of the last flooding occurs. It was fascinating to do such experiment.

After learning about science, it is funny that that I relate everything to Science. When I am learning ice-skating, I think of friction and inertia; when I am playing the piano, I think of muscle contraction and sound wave; when I see my mother use soap, I think of ammonia. Suddenly, my life is full of Science. I turn to explain the phenomenon instead of asking 'why'.

In my near future, I hope to continue in this same manner of studying science, most probably on Medicine. I feel this goal setting is ones where I would use my knowledge to its full potential and push myself to another level. Just as Marie Curie dedicates her life to public service, I commit my life to helping others.

If awarded this scholarship, I will be so grateful for the encouragement. I would use the money for books which provides me with both personal enjoyments as well as help me with my school needs.

Thank you for taking the time to review my letter and thanks for your consideration.

Yours faithfully,
__________