dtd514
Apr 25, 2012
Scholarship / Presidential Scholarship Application: Semester at Sea [3]
I was able to take it down to 894 words (and then had to add one word at a quick glance). These edits kill two birds with one stone, as the extra paragraphs really impeded the flow of your essay. It might also be helpful to post the prompt so that I can make sure I didn't accidentally take out the most important part of the essay. As far as general advice about the essay, focus in on the two or three ideas that really make you passionate about Semester at Sea, and that way you can really elaborate in detail and show how passionate you really are. The other minor edit I threw in there was related to the fact that the essay isn't the best place to display your resume. The scholarship committee already has one of those. The goal of the essay is to show them what your resume cannot.
As a teacher and volunteer, I am committed to performing a global service and supporting my community. Whether in downtown Santa Ana, California, or suburban Eugene, Oregon, my investment in supporting the children I work with offers them their best chance for high- achievement, as children are most successful when they have a caring mentor. The diversity among these children strengthens my global understanding and allows me to promote intercultural exchange. On the playground one day, I encouraged two girls to share songs with each other after overhearing one singing a song in Korean, and another singing a song in Chinese. Their fascination with the similarities and differences of their songs and their ecstatic exclamation of their discovery to me, "Teacher! I am singing in Korean, and she's singing in Chinese!," prompted my decision to have the whole class bring in a song to share from their family. As students shared songs from Korea, China, Japan, Saudi Arabia, India, and American folk songs, I noticed their gleeful exploration of one another's cultures, which revealed to me the power of intercultural exchange. I hope to broaden this awareness as a Presidential Scholar.
Literacy opens many doors and is the gateway to success and a better quality of life. As a Presidential Scholar, I will create a genuine literary experience where students are engaged in a project in which they create books about themselves and their cultures. This allows children to become active participants in their literacy, instead of passive bystanders. I will supply the materials (paper and drawing supplies) for the bookmaking, and take the books with me to share from port to port. To find children to work with, I will make connections with schools and orphanages through personal research and Semester at Sea's field program offerings.
I was able to take it down to 894 words (and then had to add one word at a quick glance). These edits kill two birds with one stone, as the extra paragraphs really impeded the flow of your essay. It might also be helpful to post the prompt so that I can make sure I didn't accidentally take out the most important part of the essay. As far as general advice about the essay, focus in on the two or three ideas that really make you passionate about Semester at Sea, and that way you can really elaborate in detail and show how passionate you really are. The other minor edit I threw in there was related to the fact that the essay isn't the best place to display your resume. The scholarship committee already has one of those. The goal of the essay is to show them what your resume cannot.
As a teacher and volunteer, I am committed to performing a global service and supporting my community. Whether in downtown Santa Ana, California, or suburban Eugene, Oregon, my investment in supporting the children I work with offers them their best chance for high- achievement, as children are most successful when they have a caring mentor. The diversity among these children strengthens my global understanding and allows me to promote intercultural exchange. On the playground one day, I encouraged two girls to share songs with each other after overhearing one singing a song in Korean, and another singing a song in Chinese. Their fascination with the similarities and differences of their songs and their ecstatic exclamation of their discovery to me, "Teacher! I am singing in Korean, and she's singing in Chinese!," prompted my decision to have the whole class bring in a song to share from their family. As students shared songs from Korea, China, Japan, Saudi Arabia, India, and American folk songs, I noticed their gleeful exploration of one another's cultures, which revealed to me the power of intercultural exchange. I hope to broaden this awareness as a Presidential Scholar.
Literacy opens many doors and is the gateway to success and a better quality of life. As a Presidential Scholar, I will create a genuine literary experience where students are engaged in a project in which they create books about themselves and their cultures. This allows children to become active participants in their literacy, instead of passive bystanders. I will supply the materials (paper and drawing supplies) for the bookmaking, and take the books with me to share from port to port. To find children to work with, I will make connections with schools and orphanages through personal research and Semester at Sea's field program offerings.