Posts by ansergeyg

ansergeyg

May 25, 2012

Graduate / Applying for physical therapy school (autobiographical essay) [2]

Hi, I don't think I'm competent enough to revise your essay, but I think describing your feelings you experienced (example first paragraph) wouldn't be wise to start your autobiographical essay. I think you can either remove or abridge it.

As I understood autobiographical essay is similar to CV.
So, you need to describe educational, professional , and personal pursuits,
1. Why did you choose this university
2. what options did you have
3. what was useful in this university (in connection with your main goal)
4. what experience you gained (in connection with your main goal)
5. here you can express your emotions about university, unversity life, friends or relatives who were supportive to you
6. you started thinking about finding a job.
7. what options you had in finding a job
9. what criteria you followed in finding a job
10. what experience you gained
11. how it was helpful
12. what made you want to apply for physical therapy school.
13. what you are expecting from studying in physical therapy school.
14. what your future plans.
I think your essay should be structurised like this.

ansergeyg

May 23, 2012

Writing Feedback / Bar chart - New York and Tokio house prices - IELTS [2]

Here is another ielts writing task 1 sample.

Please someone check the description.

_____
The bar chart compares figures for changes in avarage real-estate prices between 1989 and the period of 1990 to 2002 in five different cities.

It is clear from the chart that in the period of 1990 to 1995, the prices for houses in three out of five given cities were 5% down, compared to these in 1989.

It is also obvious that this trend reversely changed between 1996 and 2002, when four out of five cities showed an increase in avarage house prices comparing with the year 1989.

New York and Tokio house prices bottomed out to 14%, as did the house prices in Tokio, but by 5% down. Only Frankfurt and Madrid showed an increase to 2% and 2,5% resprectively, compared to 1989.

The situation changed radically for almost all given cities between 1996 and 2002, when New York, Madrid, Frankfurt and London showed 5%, 4%, 1,5% and 12% rise in avarage house prices , in comparison with 1989.

Interestingly, that only Tokio's figures were down during both given periods, compared to 1989.

ansergeyg

May 23, 2012

Writing Feedback / IELTS - it's about media, advertisements and sales [2]

Nowadays,advertisement is regarded as the main reason of high sales of goods,which means that people purchase goods not to meet their demands,but because they are attracted by the advertisement.

I tend to believe in the influence of advertisement to some extend. For example, a company may ask some famous artists to take part in its advertisement, for the purpose that the fans of those artists would follow the idols and buy advertised goods for real.

Hi, I'm not a teacher, as I'm not a native speaker. I just need to post a few messages, because the rule says so. That's way if my corrections are seemed incorrect, sorry :). If you are ok with my corrections, I can check all the essay, but again, I'm not a native speaker, so my corrections might be incompetent in some way.

ansergeyg

May 10, 2012

Writing Feedback / 'female dominance' - IELTS-post-school qualifications by gender in Australia 1999 [3]

Thank you very much. I had doubts about the language of "comparison" and all these things related to proportions, but as you said it was ok, it dispelled all my doubts. Is it ok if I add a few more essays for reviewing?

ansergeyg

May 9, 2012

Writing Feedback / 'female dominance' - IELTS-post-school qualifications by gender in Australia 1999 [3]

Hi. I've tried to decribe the chart. Could anyone highlight all the mistakes in my description so I could work on them. I've read a lot of ielts related materials and tried to apply them :)), but I'm not sure about the correctness of what I did.

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The bar chart comapres figures for different rates of post-school qualifications between men and women in Australia in 1999.

It is obvious from the chart that in three out of five given post-school qualifications the percentage of men was higher than that of women.

The figure for men with skilled vocational diploma was at 90%, compared to just 10% of women. The proportion of male postgraduates to female postgraduates was 70% to 30%. The difference between those with master's degree was not that significant, but still rather apperent, with the benefit of men at 60% to 40%.

Bachelor's degree and undergraduate diploma were the two qualifications with female dominance. The percentage of female undergraduates at 65% was almost twofold higher than that of male undergraduates at 35%. The proportion of women to men with bachelor's degree were pretty equal 55% to 45%.

Interestingly, that the difference between the two post-school qualifications with female dominace and the two qualificatons with male dominance where pretty similar, in comparison with skilled vocational diploma.

chart