Undergraduate / 'nursing assisting' -Essay on life goals and what are my expectations of the program? [5]

Don't you think including you competence will make it more interesting? See since this all about your life and goals, you can write what you wanted and how you will make it.

Writing Feedback / my first motorcycle ride [4]


This is can be easily read when put this way:

Worried about the bike leg, mom was in a state of restlessness. When she opened the door, to show her my initial step, I rode it and this time on my road filled with cars and other vehicles.

I removed the word first because it is synonymous with initial.

Research Papers / Effect of bullying - psych research paper Need help with outline intro [5]

This was another form of resentment and chauvinism; bullies just make it a hobby to piss off weak guys to their sight. This may not lead to physical but more on psychological aspect. Bullying, especially on grade school may affect the studies of the victim; they will be afraid to go to school. Also this may cause someone to be scared of people, to socialize and make friends.

Scholarship / Describing myself as a student, family member, and as a person or individual. [4]

Be precise; just state the necessary things that are needed. It is like making biography or thinks you are just writing on your diary.