Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2, topic about yongsters [2]

This is the question:
It is believed that young people have too much freedom and they don't pay much attention to the older people's advice. Do you agree or disagree? Give your own opinion.

Here is my answer to the question:

With the advancement of social development, the society has been changed totally different from it was decades ago. Talking about the behaviour of today's youngsters, some people regard they have too much freedom. Others complain they do not take much advice from the older generation these days. I think both of the opinions are overly simplified.

Admittedly, young people nowadays are provided with less forced options than they were before. they have more sayings on what they can eat and how they can dress without concerning their parents ideas. However, despite of these freedom they still need to consider their friends' opinion on their choices. They are still constrained by the peer pressure surrounding them since nobody wants to be regarded as a weird people by his friends. Besides, because of the economic reasons, some young people, in order to support their family, still have to choose a career path that they do not really like. For young people like them, freedom is still a word of fantasy.

Some people reckon young people do not pay much attention to older peoples advice. I think this is just not the truth. Nevertheless, I know a lot of young people including myself are very opened to those useful advices. What young people really object to is the "Command" that is issued by the older people in a forceful way. Moreover, listening to the old people is not the only way to take their advice. Lots of youngsters these days prefer to read the books written by the older generations to seek the advice for their puzzles in the life instead of sitting very uncomfortably with their parents during an intensive family debate.

To conclude, simply think the youngsters today have too much freedom is not justified and the also have paid sufficient attention to advices from older generation in different ways. It is highly recommended for the parents or other older generations to communicate more effectively with their offspring to remove such misunderstanding.

Please give me some advice about the Task response, Coherence, Lexical resource and Grammar.
Any constructive feed back would be greatly appreciated.

Writing Feedback / IELTS ; The roads are getting more crowded with increasing number of cars [2]

With the increasing number of the cars, the road are getting more crowded and the environment are becoming more polluted. Therefore, some people suggest that these problems could be addressed by making the petrol price higher. But I think whether it is the best solution still remains questionable.

Undoubtedly, increasing the petrol price can control the demand for the oil. Less consumption of gas not only means less traffic on the road but also means less release of the exhaustion in to the atmosphere.

However, this solution might not be very effective in tackling those problems and may even have some side effects. First of all, pollution dose not only come from the cars. There are many other sources of pollution, such as factories and power plants, which are responsible for the damage to the environment. Raising the price of oil only could not control the pollution from these places. Secondly, there will be very limited influence among the traffic if the price of petrol goes up, because people seldom give up travelling by car only because petrol price goes high. Lastly, the more money people spend in fuel may result in less money spent in other products and services, which may lead to the decrease in GDP or even an economic down turn.

Except for this solution, people could invest more in finding the new clearer alternative source of energy to totally get rid of the annoying pollution problem caused by burning the fuel. Also, measures like raising up the parking fee within down town areas or upgrading the infrastructure could be considered to address the traffic congestion issues.

To conclude, while raising the price of petrol alone might not be effective enough to tackle the pollution and traffic problems, there are lots of others options. With the belief in technology and people's increasing awareness of environment protection, a better society is assured in the future.

Hey guys, any suggestions and valuable comments are appreciated.

Thank you very much

Writing Feedback / 'How has technology affected relationships' I am preparing to score band 7+ in IELTS [3]

Followed are the Question I get from Cambridge IELTS 8 and my essay. I would be really appreciate for any suggestions you give me.

It is undeniable that in this day and age modern technology has exerted profound influences on how we interact with each other. There are many ways how it has been shifting how we maintain and build up our relationships.

With the introduction of mobile phones and email, the way how we communicate with others has never been so convenient. Instead of paying expensive postages and waiting for days and even months for delivering a single message, people today could fulfil the same task with only a few movements of their fingers. Their messages could reach every corners of the world within several minutes. Technology also help to make interpersonal communication more private than ever. With almost everybody in the modern society has his own personal computers and mobiles, it is ensured that the messages are delivered to the only person he wants to.

The advantages these developments have brought far outweigh their disadvantages. Admittedly, there are still issues such as online safety, Internet addiction bothering people who are using it, but no revolution could succeed without any sacrifice and the engineer and authorities are taking steps to find out some solid solutions. The convenience and speed of communication the new technology brought has lead to the great increase in the efficiency of people's daily communication. In other words, people nowadays are well communicated than ever before. Besides, the privacy of interpersonal interaction supported by different technologies makes people more willing to open their heart and share their ideas and opinions. The intimacy of the relationships has, thus, been brought up to a new high level.

To conclude, the modern technology has helped the human to shift their way of making relationships in a very good way. With the further improvement in the technology, it is believed that a better society will be built upon.