Writing Feedback /
'What do you do for good health?' - TOEFL essay [4]
Topic: People do many different things to stay healthy. What do you do for good health? Use specific reasons and expamples to support your answer.[/b]
Nowadays, people
recongizerecognize that health is an important thing that they need to increase
intense(intensely/ intensive) awareness about.
PropotionatelyProportionately improving the standard life
("Along with the improving of standard life" or " As the modern life" may be more suitable ?? ) , media communicates how vital the health bring to human's life regularly. In my country,
people's word-of-mouth
that "health is more valuable than gold", this reveals
that health is
being more and more concerned. It's true to say that health gives
to people rich of
metal 's
(mental) and physical's life ( confusing ??) you can try: "It's true to say that health enrich our life in both mental and physical way".
. Identifying the benefits of healthy life, people attempt to do many things which can help
their(them)more rich of health. (help + Verb). For me
( In my opinion/ As far as I am concern/ From my point of view) , to keep myself is always in ready to do, I have been preparing many things that suit for my current conditions now.
Doing exercise daily is an action that I put it into the top of
schedule (list/...).
(Doing exercise daily is my top priority)To make my body fitter and the spirit fresher in morning, I have made an agenda to jog and do gym at least 2 hours
everyday(per day) . These activities
(practices) are plain sports that I prefer doing. I just need to wear simple clothes with comfortable shoes, then I can start do these sports
("play sport" not "do sport) . It is excited sense when I finish jog around the park near my apartment, I am
energetic to ready to do everything.
(need to recheck the tense)Logically association(adj + N, adv + V) between doing exercise and
balance meals(balancing meals or you can use "balance diet") is a important thing I wary all time. I have read some culinary and heath magazines, they
demostrated("demonstrated" but may be "show" is more suitable) that diet and balance meals with kinds of food take 80% healthy decision yourself.
(confusing??) In order to choose right foods for your body condition, your have to be conscious in shopping and cooking your own foods. Some of essential
nutritionsnutrion prevail on the
mordenmodern life are protein, vitamins, minerals and so on. The best way I recommend you is need to
update your health on many types of nutrition foods.
(Structure ??)In conclusion, each person has his own ways and your can find your own ways to keep
yourseflyourself always in willing to do in your life with strong
mental's and physical's health(don't use " 's " with Adj)(Confusing ??) . Considering the important of health in social life, you actually take much time to take care
your selfyourself like me.
@Prince_prince: you should revise the IELTS paragraph's structure. (Organising words, general subject, topic sentence...)
@Trung: I'm agree with your argument that going to university or college would help us enhance our confidence. The problem is that choosing university can't give us a clear orientation, you must have a clear orientation first and then you can choose an suitable uni and enhance your confidence afterward. In my opinion, good education background accompanies with good social status, that's the fact of our country, by this way, we gain our confidence.