Writing Feedback / PERSONAL ESSAY, does it fit? (Pose an original question and answer it.) [NEW]

Pose an original question and answer it. (500 words or less):

Imagine that you've just finished writing your very own autobiography. Write down page 165.

...The trees seemed to blur past me as the car picked up speed. Singing along with 3 Doors Down, my cousin held my icy left hand in sweaty palms. He must've realized that I was feeling worse than before, because he quickly turned off the radio and pulled the car over. I didn't notice that I was drifting into a deep sleep, but when he turned the engine off and the humming of the heat came to a halt, I opened my eyes. However, after what seemed like less than a second, I shut them again, for a pain in the back of my head wouldn't allow me to look at anything other than the darkness within my head. I tried to mumble my permission for him to continue driving, but all that came out was a grunt and a disturbing sound of pain.

My cousin leaned over and felt my forehead with the back of his hand and quickly pulled his hand away once he touched my skin. He started the car and put the heat on full blast and aimed all the vents at my feet, hands, and head. He got back on the road and after that, I drifted away and became unaware of my surroundings. The piercing sound of the IV Machine brought me back to life and I felt cold hands pressing down on my stomach. Waking up, I was face to face with a tall figure wearing scrubs. Her lips kept moving, but all I heard was the echo of the machine. Finally, after the sound left my head, I heard my mother asking me to answer the lady.

"Do you feel any pain when I press here? How about here? Are you feeling any better?" These questions charged at me one after another and all I managed to reply was "Good." I felt as if I hadn't spoken for ages and feared that my breath might have been reeking because of that. My mother was there and I was extremely thankful for that. She came over with tears welling in her eyes and sat down next to me. Stroking my hair, she said with utter disappointment, "If you want to lose weight, you can't go ahead and starve yourself. I've told you time and time again to eat healthy. I was afraid that a day like this would come, and here we are. Why don't you listen?"

Not at all did I ever fear ending up in the hospital, as much as I feared making my mom cry. According to the nurse, I lost 17 pounds in the past two weeks and I needed all the potassium and water that my body could take through the IVs. Two nights later, I was released and bombarded with guests and phone calls. I didn't take my health as seriously as I should've but once I opened my refrigerator door, I felt like a new person. The sight of my mother tearing flashes every now and then when the thought of skipping a meal enters my mind...

Undergraduate / MACAULAY ESSAY - a dish that holds a strong associative power for you [5]

In this essay, tell us about a dish that holds a strong associative power for you and teach us something that is of personal importance to you. (500 words or less)

Upon hearing the call to prayer, my senses are alive instantaneously; however, there is one sense that overpowers all the others: my sense of smell. Mirth, embraces, and the pleasing aroma of carefree behavior enter my mind, triggering me to rise and follow their footsteps back to their origin. Turning a corner at the bottom of the staircase, I see it. Propped up on the table side-by-side are five clay shells, each containing a perfectly portioned amount of kheer. It is Eid, our new year, and I am about to lose myself in a sweet dish.

Kheer, the Pakistani version of rice pudding, is a simple dish to make. Ingredients include a heaping cup of sugar-coated joy, a dash of cooled tranquility, and a pinch of sweetened unification. Together, they birth a perfect sweet dessert. Ever since I was young, I have repeatedly asked my mother to teach me how to make this dessert, in case I ever got hungry. Of course, ammi would just smile, revealing tiny hints of what could be dimples, and say, "Not today, beti. If you ever get hungry, you can pour yourself a bowl of cereal." I always felt a bit discouraged when she said this. It wasn't until I was in the 8th grade that I found out why she said that.

Ammi called me to the kitchen. As I left my room, I smelled it. I smelled the sugary sensation that made my mouth water, my heart race, and my paces quicken. Upon my arrival in the kitchen, I was greeted with a bowl of kheer. Taking the bowl from the counter, I sat down on the couch and began indulging myself with the sugary taste of my childhood favorite. Ammi sat down right beside me and watched me get lost in the sweet sensation. She took hold of my hand and said, "When I was a few years younger than you, I was a great student. I was ranked first in almost all my classes, and when I would come home with my outstanding report card, I was always treated with kheer. Kheer was my family's 'sweet success dish' and I thought of passing it down to my children."

I placed the bowl down and thought of all the times she had made kheer for me, and it occurred to me that she made it especially whenever I brought home a terrific report card. She never mentioned why she made it, but it all made sense now. My mom taught me how to make kheer that day, and ever since then, I have made it every Eid. I never knew that a simple dish like rice pudding could have such a deep and personal history. Now when I make it, I am reminded that I am not only creating a delicious treat, but I am serving up a sweet family tradition, as well.

ks

Undergraduate / MACAULAY (It is now 2013.) [3]

PROOFREAD HELP!

ASSIGNMENT: It is now 2013. How has The Macaulay Honors College changed you? (300 words or less)
I did it. I completed my undergraduate degree at The City College, and in doing so, I proved to my friends and family that anything was possible. Being the oldest in the family, and therefore the first to graduate from college, I learned that even though it may seem impossible to achieve, never give up your dream. If you are determined and passionate, there is nothing standing in your way of achieving that goal, but you. Believe it or not, I had my doubts about getting into my dream colleges because of financial issues, but even my one working parent encouraged me to chase my dream. I did, and after acceptance into Macaulay, they took me the rest of the way. They didn't let money become a factor in my studies, because they saw just how motivated I was. Instead, they took me in, provided me with full tuition, valuable knowledge, and a great new outlook on the world.

Attending Honors College gave me an accurate idea of where I stood, but even more importantly, it urged me to rise higher. It gave me the opportunity to experience the hardships a person has to endure just to prove that they are capable enough to lead others. I became more exposed to the world through their Opportunities Fund, which I used wisely to go to Sierra Leone as an intern with organizations dealing with youth in the juvenile justice system and the local branch of an international HIV/AIDS program. I am now helping my sixteen year old brother apply for college, and in doing so, I am seeing to it that he does not have any doubts about college. I am living, breathing proof of a dream come true, and he doesn't need any other evidence. Macaulay Honors College has changed me from a determined girl with a goal into a strong-minded young lady with a future, and I wholeheartedly thank them for that.