dnile2012
Jun 25, 2012
Writing Feedback / the age of the competition - IELTS - technologies and the demand for services change [6]
@land1111
Thank you for your comments..
@land1111
Thank you for your comments..
dnile2012
Jun 25, 2012
Writing Feedback / Student can be severely influenced from school by unsuitable schedules and stresses [5]
Hi,
Here is my 2 cent...
Students can expand their knowledge of many aspects from schools. However, in some countries, students' behavior is badly affected by school activities. This essay will look at intense problems in students' behavior caused by schools focusing on the causes and solutions.
There are two major reasons why schools can badly affect pupils' actions. Firstly, students may not be taught properly by their schools. Most students in primary and secondary schools can not distinguish what is right or wrong, they just simply copy or follow what they hear and learn. Consequently, they may be severely influenced by wrong teaching methods. Secondly, inappropriate school time can cause stresses for students. In Vietnam, in order to train their children to be "geniuses", most parents bring them to different classes from the morning to the evening with very rare time to relax.As a result, they may have serious problems studying at schools when they are stressed of being over-studied. (serious problem? what kind of serious problem? should have clear explaination) As a result, they may not able to focus well in classes as they are over stressed from too much of studying.
To tackle these problems, two typical solutions are recommended. The first answer is that schools should have suitable curriculums for the young-age students. Schools have to teach children with precise knowledge and help them to classify bad and good things. Another key is that parents should not put too muchstudying pressure on their children. Beside studying, students should have time to play and relax. Additionally, parents should also balance their children's time between learning and playing.
In conclusion, student can be severely influenced from school by unsuitable schedules and stresses frombeing over-studied (being over-studied means the studies are the object that got studied, should use studying) over-studying. However, this can be solved by suitable curriculums and balancing the time between play and learn. If students can have study and play sufficiently (study and play sufficiently?) have sufficient study and play times in a balance schedule , they may become very good and useful people.
Just a personal opinion: I don't really like the ideas being discussed here though.
Hi,
Here is my 2 cent...
Students can expand their knowledge of many aspects from schools. However, in some countries, students' behavior is badly affected by school activities. This essay will look at intense problems in students' behavior caused by schools focusing on the causes and solutions.
There are two major reasons why schools can badly affect pupils' actions. Firstly, students may not be taught properly by their schools. Most students in primary and secondary schools can not distinguish what is right or wrong, they just simply copy or follow what they hear and learn. Consequently, they may be severely influenced by wrong teaching methods. Secondly, inappropriate school time can cause stresses for students. In Vietnam, in order to train their children to be "geniuses", most parents bring them to different classes from the morning to the evening with very rare time to relax.
To tackle these problems, two typical solutions are recommended. The first answer is that schools should have suitable curriculums for the young-age students. Schools have to teach children with precise knowledge and help them to classify bad and good things. Another key is that parents should not put too much
In conclusion, student can be severely influenced from school by unsuitable schedules and stresses from
Just a personal opinion: I don't really like the ideas being discussed here though.
dnile2012
Jun 25, 2012
Writing Feedback / the age of the competition - IELTS - technologies and the demand for services change [6]
Dear expert,
Pleae kindly help to improve my IELTS essay. Thank you all...
"As technologies and the demand for certain services change, many workers will lose their jobs. The responsibility for those people to adjust to such change should belong to the individual worker, not to government or to business."
Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the opinion stated above. Support your position with specific reasons and/or examples drawn from your reading, your observations, or your own experience.
There has been a dramatic development of technology in recent time. It is widely assumed that advanced technology and changes on demand for certain services has significantly affected the career of individual workers in a negative way. The majority of employees without high skill would lost their jobs. It has become a new trend to learn more than one skill for career. In this essay, it is often claimed that who is responsible for those workers in need of assistance. I am convinced that the responsibility for those people to adjust for such changes should belong to not only individual worker but also government or business.
Although employees should entirely have responsible for their own occupation and finding new skill, it seems to me that employees are the principal or the only beneficiaries for the business or company. Furthermore, government collects tax from workers so they should take care of its people. As I shall argue, there are very good reasons why state should fund for employees from general taxation. I believe that state funding of those who need further skill is a genuine investment and enhancing economy in the future, not only themselves but also for the country. Thus, the local authorities take into consideration of the advantages of employees and the state should encourage to some companies to retrain and retain their workers by reducing tax from company. Moreover, It is undeniable that there are many attributions why company ought to give opportunities to their workers by providing some training and send workers to attend suitable courses which offer advanced technologies without charges as it is win-win situation training means improved skilled which have contributed to the bringing efficiency and increased productivity at workplace. In my opinion, the more the company subsidizes the more loyalty and satisfied workers they can produce.
On the other hand, it is true to say that one's wellbeing is one's responsibility as individual workers have responsibility for their own career and to maintain their competitive edges with other workers. This is the age of the competition, the individuals should not satisfied with achieving present own skill and they know it very well without being told that to get a high rank or obtain the important position at workplace, they have to continue to learn new skill in order to attain their goal.
Dear expert,
Pleae kindly help to improve my IELTS essay. Thank you all...
"As technologies and the demand for certain services change, many workers will lose their jobs. The responsibility for those people to adjust to such change should belong to the individual worker, not to government or to business."
Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the opinion stated above. Support your position with specific reasons and/or examples drawn from your reading, your observations, or your own experience.
There has been a dramatic development of technology in recent time. It is widely assumed that advanced technology and changes on demand for certain services has significantly affected the career of individual workers in a negative way. The majority of employees without high skill would lost their jobs. It has become a new trend to learn more than one skill for career. In this essay, it is often claimed that who is responsible for those workers in need of assistance. I am convinced that the responsibility for those people to adjust for such changes should belong to not only individual worker but also government or business.
Although employees should entirely have responsible for their own occupation and finding new skill, it seems to me that employees are the principal or the only beneficiaries for the business or company. Furthermore, government collects tax from workers so they should take care of its people. As I shall argue, there are very good reasons why state should fund for employees from general taxation. I believe that state funding of those who need further skill is a genuine investment and enhancing economy in the future, not only themselves but also for the country. Thus, the local authorities take into consideration of the advantages of employees and the state should encourage to some companies to retrain and retain their workers by reducing tax from company. Moreover, It is undeniable that there are many attributions why company ought to give opportunities to their workers by providing some training and send workers to attend suitable courses which offer advanced technologies without charges as it is win-win situation training means improved skilled which have contributed to the bringing efficiency and increased productivity at workplace. In my opinion, the more the company subsidizes the more loyalty and satisfied workers they can produce.
On the other hand, it is true to say that one's wellbeing is one's responsibility as individual workers have responsibility for their own career and to maintain their competitive edges with other workers. This is the age of the competition, the individuals should not satisfied with achieving present own skill and they know it very well without being told that to get a high rank or obtain the important position at workplace, they have to continue to learn new skill in order to attain their goal.
