Undergraduate / 'I need great skills' Essay for engineering to make an even better medical technology [NEW]

So i think the second and third paragraphs are REALLY crappy. Please help!!

Describe the unique qualities that attract you to the specific undergraduate College or School to which you are applying at the U. of Michigan. How would that curriculum support your interests?

Back in the summer of 2006, when I was in 6th grade, I have found that I have the Pectus Excavatum, the most common congenital deformity that cause the ribs on the chest area and the sternum to grow inward, resulting in a sunken looking of the chest, however, the actual cause of the deformity is still unsure among the researchers. I then underwent a surgery by putting a metal stick through my chest and push the sternum out. The stick was inserted through the sides of my body under my armpits for three years; as a consequence, it left the red, visible scars on both sides of my body. Back then when the subject was new to the community, I was one of the experimental patients, hence, the result wasn't as good and I can still see and feel the Pectus Excavatum to some degree. The process was undoubtedly a painful one, a few months of having unendurable pain when coughing, sneezing, getting up, or laying down, plus no contact sport for three years. Today, as the technology grows on an accelerating fashion, the surgery itself is now more effective and less excruciating; it leaves smaller scars, results in a better looking chest.

I, as a first-hand experience person, interest in the Biomedical Engineering field because I wish to help create and develop a growing medical technology into even higher levels. With the will and interest, plus the value of having a clear goal - like in the American Civil War, once Abraham Lincoln release his Emancipation Proclamation, the goal of the soldiers was set to free the slaves in the South and to reunite the country, the Civil War finally came to the end - I will be able to do the job effectively.

But, the will, the interest, and the clear goal aren't enough. In order to reach the goal I set for, I need great skills. And that is where your university comes in to play. With the utility your university has, it will bring me even closer to that goal, to make an even better medical technology.

Thanks,
Sea

Undergraduate / "the math's pros" - a common app big essay [2]

A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.

Different things have different pros and cons, and they usually fulfill one another. Math has always been one of my favorite subjects, but just like every others, math also has pros and cons. Its pros are that it is meditative, it is challenging, and it requires you to think outside the box, be creative to solve the problem, while its cons is that you don't get to share your feeling of success with others. In my Honors Pre-calculus class at Webb, we use the Exeter book which contains a lot of challenging math problems that take some lengthy times to complete, an individual question could easily take ten to twenty minutes to get done and I am sure the time of completion will accelerate as I move through the next chapter of my life, therefore, when doing math, you need to be meditative and concentrate on that problem. The class itself was certainly challenging. And those problems also require you to think outside the box to solve them, thus they give you the thrill of finally getting the answers after thirty minutes of work, however, you can only enjoy that success alone, but this gap can be fulfilled by another activity I love to do, football.

In my sophomore year, Coach Ray Fenton introduced the Webb community a philosophy that centers around the idea of "Line Six Football," it inspires us to be active in the community and stay discipline both on and off the field. He believes first and foremost in doing what is right and teaching the student athletes how to make the right decisions. The philosophy itself has the poem on which the sixth line states "A TEAM AND A FAMILY," what you do will affect your team and those around you, your family. To sum up, football gives you the opportunity to work with your comrades, the joy of victory you can celebrate as a team, and the discipline actions I learned from the Line Six Football program will surely reminds me to make good decisions later in life, nevertheless, it lacks of long-term concentration you get in doing math, not saying that it's easy to focus on what is up on the field, but solving some math problems could last for over half an hour, which is longer than a quarter in football.

With the math's pros of being able to focus for a long-period of time, and it challenge me to think creatively, and the football's pros of making me work with my companions, and that I can enjoy the success with not only myself, but my team, they all come together in the engineering career, which I need to be focus to work on my tasks, and that I need to be able to work with the team while stay discipline. If people ask where I could find such an opportunity, then the only answer would be at your university.

Do you guys think this would answer the question? or should I pick "Topic of your choice" and come up with a new title.

Also help me revise it.

Thank you !
Sea