Undergraduate / "Perseverance pays rich dividends" - USC transfer essay [2]

Any feedback would be greatly appreciated. I'm concerned the essay is a little (or very) superficial/cliche though, please let me know what you think. Also grammar checks would be appreciated. Thanks!

USC's speaker series What Matters to Me and Why asks faculty and staff to reflect on their values, beliefs, and motivations. Presenters talk about choices they have made, difficulties encountered and commitments solidified. Write an essay about an event or experience that helped you learn what is important to you and why it is important.

Perseverance pays rich dividends. From a young age, my parents frequently extolled the virtues of hard work and perseverance. Back when nothing 'mattered' and when life was 'carefree'. I was a naive child, far out of sync with any semblance of sensibility and reality. I didn't understand the value of working hard. I never thought of what to expect or what I would be doing when I matured. It seemed like a separate world, so disconnected, and so far off in eternity to worry about. Why bother when it was irrelevant?

As a child, I received after-school tutoring on multiple subjects, which I despised. Constantly struggling with the problem sets, the sessions gave me headaches, and I viewed them as unnecessary drudgery. This was especially because the content seemed far more advanced than the material at school, and that my peers' lives were seemingly a blur of fun and games. So I protested, time and time again. My parents would always remind me to be grateful, giving the same old lecture, the one which unfailingly started with "when I was your age". And invariably, their words fell on deaf ears. It was a comparison that I greatly disliked; not only because of the obvious generational gap, but living a privileged life in Vancouver, my circumstances were different.

My parents no doubt grew weary of my whining. Instead of the tired old lecture, this was when my mother decided to divulge the details of their arduous experience. Back in the late 1980s, in search of better job opportunities, my father made a spur of the moment decision to leave China for Germany to pursue his aspiration of earning a PhD. My mother followed shortly after. It was to be a daunting experience. In addition to the challenges of being abroad for the first time, my parents barely had enough cash to cover their living expenses, and, as was convention, mailed any surplus income home to support my grandparents. This was particularly burdensome for my father as he had studies to focus on as well. My mother gave birth to me in the winter of 1991, therefore exacerbating their precarious financial situation. A few months later, she broke her left leg in a cycling accident, necessitating hospitalization for over a month. Juggling studies, work, as well as caring for a newborn baby and an injured wife would have been overwhelming for the best of us. However, my father persisted, and managed to pull though, graduating Magna cum laude.

This poignant account of my parents' struggles provoked my thoughts. Ultimately, it inspired me to change my outlook and attitude towards my work. Having realized the extent of their struggles, I had an epiphany. I realized that the tutoring was not purely about academics. It was because my parents wanted to train me to adopt the same mentality of perseverance and determination, so that I would be well prepared for the rigors of reality. While the odds were stacked against him, my father would not forgo his aspirations. His perseverance and determination were commendable and definitely paid off; his resolve is the driving force behind my family's prosperity today. It was a definite teaching tool and success story that, through perseverance, dreams can flourish. I began to understand the value of hard work. As I matured, I came to grips with reality and took this lesson to heart by developing a "can do" attitude. The thought of my parents' struggles compelled me to do them proud. It motivated me to seek new challenges, and to strive to be at my best. Every success would result in a sense of personal satisfaction and would fuel me to reach greater heights of attainment. Failures would not discourage me as they did before; instead, I would take the opportunity to assess my shortcomings and improve upon my previous attempts. Thus, my parents' influence has been instrumental in helping me to become a better, more independent and responsible person. I truly owe it to them for teaching me this lesson early on. They will certainly be tough acts to follow.

Undergraduate / "Food heaven", "financial capital" and "shopping Mecca" - "Issue of local concern" Michigan essay [2]

Discuss an issue of local concern. Why is this issue important to you? How do you think it should be addressed?

"Food heaven", "financial capital" and "shopping Mecca" are just a few of the phrases that are synonymous with Hong Kong. While Hong Kong is all that, what the flashy guide books and advertisements fail to mention is that chronic pollution plagues the city, with recent estimates of the air quality being three times worse than that of New York. The smog that suffocates the city and shrouds the disproportionately vertiginous skyline has long been an issue with residents and tourists alike. At night, even the halo of radiant lights emitted from densely packed buildings fails to punch a hole through the smog. Increasing cases of asthma and bronchitis in recent years have all been attributed to the decline in air quality.

The 'Peak Tower', a Hong Kong landmark attraction with a complete panorama of the skyline, boasts the wide, sweeping view that Hong Kong is famous for. The images promoting the views show an immaculate blue sky, yet unfortunately, the number of clear days are waning. On hazy days, visitors are invariably disappointed by the poor visibility, sometimes reduced to only a few kilometers. As a result, the economy of Hong Kong suffers from the pollution. However, it is not only tourism which takes the hit, numerous corporations have relocated as a result of the pollution, decreasing Hong Kong's economic competitiveness.

Having lived in Hong Kong for 8 years, I find Hong Kong to be indescribably endearing, but the pollution severely hinders my enjoyment of an otherwise world-class city. As my family resides here, the pollution in Hong Kong is of great importance to me as it affects their well-being. While the government has taken steps to minimize the impact of the pollution via various public campaigns and emission reduction targets, I believe more can be done. Much of the pollution comes from factory emissions from the Mainland China, yet, most of the factories are Hong Kong-owned. While Hong Kong and Mainland China have different government systems, the Hong Kong government could perhaps offer businesses incentives to reduce emissions. In addition, I believe more stringent regulations should be steadily put in place to help facilitate the targets the government has set.

I embraced the recent indoor smoking ban when it was passed back in 2006, as I find second-hand smoke indoors an annoyance; however, while this has cleared up the air indoors, it makes the air quality unbearable on the street, particularly in the crowded districts, so much so that I feel discouraged from visiting the city center. Having visited cities around the globe, I believe Hong Kong should take a leaf out of other cities' books. For example, Tokyo set up designated smoking areas in busy districts, to minimize the disturbance of smoking.

With the growing amount of concern and steps taken to reduce the pollution, the future is slated to be a bright one. I hope to soon look forward to the day where I can stand by the harbor and take a deep breath; it would fill me with a joie de vivre!

My last essay, hopefully! Thanks for all the help. I think this essay is sort of impersonal and boring though, tell me what you think. Thanks in advance!

Undergraduate / Cornell CALS essay - "the significance of ingredients and nutrition" [3]

I'm applying for primary/alternate, please see if there are any errors in grammar. Thanks in advance!

College of Agriculture and Life Sciences:
The College of Agriculture and Life Sciences (CALS) develops leaders committed to the improvement of life. Describe how your interest and related experiences have influenced your selection of major and how CALS will prepare you to be a leader in your chosen field.

Tartrazine, saccharin, BHT and sodium nitrate: typical ingredients you will find in foods in a stroll down any supermarket aisle. I have always pondered about the effects of such additives that are prevalent within food. One would think that the long-standing existence of such substances would validate their safety, yet, I remain doubtful due to the controversy and safety concerns of their usage.

Three years ago, while on a school-run food interest trip, I was enlightened to the significance of ingredients and nutrition in foods. One of the aspects of the trip was to differentiate between freshly squeezed fruit juice, and artificially flavored fruit drinks by scrutinizing the ingredients and nutritional labels as well as by taste testing. Upon inspection, there were several recurring additives, such as the coloring agent tartrazine. Later that day, a bolt of curiosity surged through me, and an impromptu internet search on tartrazine irrevocably changed the way I looked at food.

What I found shocked me. Web pages abounded with criticisms of the coloring agent, and testimonials pointed to the detrimental effects of consumption, ranging from allergic reactions to hyperactivity in children. Thus, I was compelled to probe further into the effects of other additives, not just coloring - fillers, preservatives, sweeteners, flavorings and so on, some of which were even claimed to be potentially carcinogenic. The more I read about the purported effects of these additives, the more concerned and dubious I became of processed foods. Before long, I had appealed to my parents to read the ingredient statements of processed foods to check for synthetic ingredients, later even going so far as to making a blacklist of ingredients to avoid!

Whether or not these substances are harmful is debatable, but the trip pushed me headfirst into the world of food science; without question, my inherent passion for food became intertwined with my newfound interest in food science. The impact of the trip was so profound that I moved away from processed foods and started purchasing natural, whole-grain and organic products. I started to read the nutrition labels and paid attention to the nutritional intake of foods. I began to advocate healthy eating.

The recent food scares, most notably, the melamine milk scandal, fueled my interest in food science. A food scare with the magnitude of the melamine scandal truly demonstrates the significance of food safety in global society. Seeing the victims' reactions to the scandal as well as my passion for food and nutrition made me aspire to take on a career in food science and to be at the forefront of food production and safety.

CALS would be the perfect school for me, because of its reputation, diversity and extensive alumni network, which would motivate me to be at my best, and present me with invaluable career opportunities. The rigor of the programs will challenge and stimulate me, giving me a wealth of knowledge on the subject. Above all, the world class research facilities will facilitate my goal of becoming an innovator in the field. Someday, I hope to improve the lives of others by ensuring the safety and nutrition of the food supply, and I believe attending CALS will help me achieve my goal.

Undergraduate / A few essays (Michigan, Cornell, USC) - waiting for directions [4]

1. U Michigan - Share an experience through which you have gained respect for intellectual, social, or cultural differences. Comment on how your personal experiences and achievements would contribute to the diversity of the University of Michigan.

Just recently, I had completed an environmental service trip to Langkawi, Malaysia. There was one aspect that I remembered vividly about the trip, the rice planting. Little did I know how strenuous the work would be. The oppressive heat of the sun made me feel like sweat was coming out of every pore of my body, and my rubber shoes had been heated to such an extent that it felt like I was walking on hot coals!

Thinking that the fields would be able to cool down my feet, I stepped in to commence work, and found myself knee deep in mud, not only that, the water was unbearably hot as well. At the end of the day, I emerged from the fields wearily, ensconced in dirt and my skin a few shades darker. I had gained a newfound respect for the rice planters. The laboriousness of their work to ensure supply of a humble staple grain is not to be overlooked, and every grain of rice is the result of their work.

Being Chinese and having lived in Germany, Canada and Hong Kong has allowed me to travel around the world, giving me the opportunity to experience a multitude of cultures and experiences such as this one. While I am pure Chinese by blood, I believe my experiences around the world have truly made me multicultural, and I cannot imagine a better place to share my experiences than at Michigan.

2. Cornell
College of Arts and Sciences:
Describe your intellectual interests, their evolution, and what makes them exciting to you. Tell us how you will utilize the academic programs in the College of Arts and Sciences to further explore your interests, intended major, or field of study.

I wouldn't have realized it back then, but from a young age, I had already been drawn to the field of economics. Like many others, I used to play the board game, Monopoly. That simple board game sparked my interest for economics. While it may seem like a rather crude comparison, Monopoly reflects the very nature of economics - it's unpredictable: sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, just like the ongoing cycle of boom and bust in economics.

Currently living in Hong Kong, one of the financial capitals of the world, my experience within a complete set of the boom and bust cycle has bolstered my interest in economics. I vividly remember the dip the economy took during the SARS epidemic in 2003. Panic abounded in the fear that the deadly disease would spread, and consumer spending dropped to an all-time low. The flurry of reports on the dramatic decline in consumer spending and anxiety was unavoidable - people were gripped with fear, and businesses went bust every day. After the scare had evened out, the economy started to recover steadily, reaching an apex, before the recent economic crisis shook the world again.

During these periods, I was able to witness the effects of the economy, the slump, the recovery, the boom and the bust. Throughout this period, I was able to see the 'domino effect', how the impact of the economy pervaded literally all aspects of life, from consumer spending to prosperity and well-being. What fascinated me the most were the kinematics of the economy, and its determinants. The vast scope of external factors that go into the analysis of economics never ceases to interest me, and the contingency of all aspects of a nation's prosperity on the economy clearly demonstrates its significance. In short, I was engrossed by the mechanisms that drive the global economy and its importance in society.

While I did not take economics as one of my courses, I believe my choice of business studies in high school has provided me with a suitable primer, since business and economics are both interrelated. In order to understand how a business works, one needs to also know how the economy works. Having already been engrossed in the field of business, I believe the study of economics should be the next step in my academic life.

The College of Arts and Sciences' various academic programs are a perfect match for me, in particular because of the extensive alumni network, which could land me opportunities that would not be possible anywhere else. In addition to the multitude of career options and opportunities to be gained, I also hope utilize to Cornell's diversity and academic environment to contribute to my personal growth and to broaden my perspective of the world. In applying to Cornell, I want to challenge and stimulate myself. Being in such a remarkable institution would undoubtedly motivate me to be at my best; I hope I can join the ranks of many other successful 'Cornellians'.

3. USC - The 18th century French philosopher Denis Diderot said, "Only passions, great passions can elevate the soul to great things." Describe one of your passions and reflect on how it has contributed to your personal growth.

A hearty stew on a cold winter's day. The seared lobe of a foie gras that oozes with richness. The intense sizzle of a steak. The intoxicating aromas of a wine reduction. The simple pleasures of a humble sweet potato. I confess, I have such a zealous passion for food, I almost consider myself a glutton, perhaps. But not quite. I can't exactly recall when my passion for food and cooking took off, perhaps it was when I laid my hands on the knife and chopping board for the first time, back then, I felt a great sense of achievement in creating my first dish - a chopped walnut-apple salad.

From then on, my interest in cooking has skyrocketed, and still hasn't reached its peak - I am constantly in awe of how flavors mingle, complement and contrast with each other, the textures, the aromas and the sensation of the first bite, whether it's pure ecstasy or otherwise. My interest soon developed that I searched fervently for recipes, increasing my knowledge of food. I began to appreciate details I never did before, like the delicate perfume of an apple, and started to view food in a new light - not just to serve the purpose of filling one's stomach, but something to savor and enjoy at every step along with the way, from the start of preparation to the last bite. I would always cook for my family and sometimes invite friends over for a lunch, and I would feel a rush of success whenever a steak or a curry turned out well. At times my attempts failed or turned into some sort of a catastrophe in the kitchen, for example, my first attempt at a soufflé looked delectable when in the oven. I was frolicking to-and-fro at the thought of how it must taste like: light and airy, like a cloud. Disappointingly, the moment it was taken out - and this was on a cold winter's day, it was as if a cold draught blew in and the cheery soufflé had completely deflated and shrunk inside the ramekin into a lump of half-whipped, flavored egg white. But I was not taken aback, the second time I tried it, I had perfected the technique - the problem lied in that the egg whites had not been beaten enough.

After going through various culinary 'adventures', I decided it was time for me to experiment a little and begin with my own creations. So I pooled into my creativity, pondering flavors, scents and textures in my head, while sleeping, while traveling, while working. The thought of making something would keep me awake at times, where I would dive into recipe books for inspiration late at night, constantly thinking and planning about what I should make the next day. I waited eagerly for the summer holidays, where I would be able to cook free from interruption. Cooking impacted me profoundly. I sometimes looked to it as a source of inspiration. It developed my creativity, and offered me a new way to look at the world - I appreciated life and living more. The sense of success gained even motivated me to a certain extent; it invigorated me and injected into me a joie de vivre. It is something I am thoroughly proud of and I believe it strongly relates to who I am: creative, thoughtful, inspired and motivated. I learn every day, and it's still something that continues to excite and inspire me even now. At the time of writing, I'm still mulling over what I should make next week.

End of essays!
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Sorry for the amount of essays! I would appreciate any feedback very much; I'm reasonably confident about the USC and Michigan, but feel the Cornell one is weak - does it seem too 'fake'? Also, I don't know if my writing style is appropriate? Thanks in advance!