Undergraduate / JMU Personal Statement-Special Interests [2]

Should I add more or is this sufficient?

Leaning closer to see the presentation Mr. Lee had displayed on the TV, I was completely enveloped by the concept that this National Geographic's video explained. The idea that my ancestor's footsteps could be traced through something as small as mitochondrial DNA was amazing. There was a whole different part of this world, just below the surface, where pure explanation thrived. I had found my niche; science was both my fascination and my motivation.

With the passing of each school year, I found new aspects of science to love; anatomy and physiology of the body, chemistry behind reactions, biology of plants, and physics of movement. But when I discovered law, I was caught in a love triangle. I needed to find a way to combine both of these passions into one career, and the solution that I found was criminology. Science always came easily to me, while law was a welcomed challenge. The thought of being able to influence the justice system through science is a dream to me. With the ability to major in forensic science, I will be able to help others while satisfying my appetite for problem solving, science, and law.

Scholarship / 'I listened to the lyrics' - 100th page of my autobiography [8]

I need to add about 600 more words to this. I really would like some critiques please! If you have any ideas please let me know :)

I listened to the lyrics. How quickly the words flew into my ears, prancing through my mind with the grace of a Cumbian dancer. "Siento algo que me mueve. Un ritmo que me hace bailar", the beautiful voice said to me. I swayed with the crowd, fully understanding the Spanish expressions that rolled through the thick, hazy air. It was hard to believe that I was actually in Colombia, not to mention my most recent months spent traveling across the globe. The heavy smell of gasoline and rain reminded me of Richmond.

I stepped out onto the terrace, glimpsing at the darkening sky and ogling the palm embellished skyline. I then noticed how casually dressed everyone was, maybe I was at the wrong address. No, there were too many familiar faces here. A few people greeted me with the traditional kiss on the cheek and a quick hello. I couldn't help but admire how rhythmically the women's hips moved to the beat. The way the men led in a salsa dance was powerful yet elegant. I stood along the edge of the festivity, watching the blinking strobe lights transform the shadow of movement into people and back again.

Someone in the swarm of bodies snatched my arm, the flashing lights revealing to me a slender brunette woman. It was just Marcela, a lovely girl from the island of Santa Marta. We had met years ago and she was presently my business associate as well as good friend. She towed me through the pulsing mass of dancers, clumsily shoving a few people along the way. I found myself in the center of the crowd; the lights went out and the music stopped. A tall mustached man came into the room carrying what looked like a large package above his head. Once he reached Marcela, the people around me began to chant, "Feliz cumpleanos a ti, feliz cumpleanos a ti". It was the Spanish translation of the Happy Birthday song.

"I was supposed to be here on business", I said laughing. She simply threw her hands up, shrugging her shoulders, as if to say `I don't know. It wasn't me!'. We were here for our newly founded photography and graphic design studio, K & M Photography and Design. Marcela and I had many connections throughout Colombia that were helping our business soar. When we met, Marcela was a transfer student who came from her hometown to study business at Virginia Commonwealth University. I was a freshman looking to major in graphic design. We happened to be in the same inquiry class. Marcela and I bonded immediately, even with the slight language barrier.

"We can take one night off for your birthday can't we?" she said quirkily. The party tonight was supposed to be a formal event concerning K & M, so my attire bore a professional feel that was unnatural in my current setting. I looked down at my stiletto heels, blushing a bit for disregarding my own birthday. "All right but we have to make sure to have that paperwork to Mr. Rincon by Monday and to return the call from Chrome Imaging about the..." I went on, only to be cut off by Marcela's reassuring tone. "Korrin, you know that we are weeks ahead on our paper work and all the orders have been sent for printing. Let's just enjoy the night!" She had always been so laidback, even hippy-like, which was very uncommon for a business major. That's probably why we have always worked so well together, because our personalities balance each other out.

The gigantic cake was presented to me with twenty-eight flickering candles. I shifted towards the towering desert and closed my eyes, attempting to make a wish. But what else could I possibly ask for? My business was taking off splendidly, my family and friends healthy, and I've never been so happy, besides I was much too old for this. So without a wish, I blew out every purple candle, hoping that my future would be as great as my present and past.