Undergraduate / 'Poverty and the face of that man' - Common App essay question [5]

Hello Bobby!

Poverty. The state of one who lacks a usual or socially acceptable amount of money or material possessions. According to the World Bank, about 22% of the world's population fits that definition with a $1.25 income or lower per day. -> These sentences are too 'Wikipedian', you know ^^

Going to India, seeing the real world outside of my little Michigan suburban bubble, helped shape me into the responsible and considerate world citizen that I have become and will always remain.-> You should definitely write about how your experience with the beggar helped you shape the person you are today. Through your essay, I can't see you or what you have done to become 'the responsible and considerate world citizen'. Also, a world citizen is something, wow, too big ^^

Undergraduate / If i were an animal, I'd be the queen of the jungle- common app essay [7]

Hi Natalia, I think the lion metaphor is nice. However, I don't see 'the lion you' in your essay. Your two examples (good grades and voleyball team) are not 'fierce' enough, and I guess you already know it. Also, there are some too general sentences such as:

- This fierceness can be shown through my persistent, ambitious, fearless character.
- Although I am not perfect, I am always trying to be the best of me.
- I don't fear failure, instead, I learn from it. I am always facing challenges in my life but I eventually learn to overcome them.

Undergraduate / 'Punch. Kick. Kick. Repeat' - briefly elaborate on one of your activities [14]

I like your short answer, Khanh! But I do think "pant like a dog" is a little informal (I don't know. I love dogs, but I don't like the sound of the word).

Also, I'm not sure what "the same formula of victory" really is. It's obscure. Then you wrote "Everyone can go rest now"- a little abrupt, rite?