Posts by mjafarinasab

mjafarinasab

Aug 18, 2012

Undergraduate / "Acceptance and Trust" - personal quality, contribution, etc. [3]

Hello, i had a little time and could only read and revise the first paragraph of your essay, (sorry about that!)
but as a general notification: your essay needs a general and great revise on the verb tense!

During my childhood ~~years~~, I never accepted~~everything~~anything that I ~~have~~had . I often used to wish that ~~someday I can be like them~~I could be in other's shoes someday(still you should determine that who 'other' is!) .

~~Until one day~~Since , I realized that if I still continue being jealous, it will end up nothing. I should be thankful to the things that I have in my current life ~~right now~~.

Good luck.

mjafarinasab

Aug 18, 2012

Writing Feedback / [IELTS]The advantages and disadvantages of the real spirit of sportsmanship. [3]

First of all, I want to take a position in favor of your idea about the topic.
After, there are some corrections, came to my mind, as follows.

however, we can always see people who applaud to not only the gold medals but also the silver, bronze, and nonon medals.
To illustrate, South Korea only compensates financially to the medalists ~~according to~~in order to give them motivation;
This treatment gives Korean Olympic athletics a lot of pressure and enormous tension in the competition.(Suggestion: This treatment puts Korean Olympic athletics under a lot of pressure and offers them enormous tension during the competition.)

After Olympics, the media competitively spotlight the winners to the public but I have not seen anyone focused on the nonon medalists in Korea who used to practice as hard as the winners in a good partnership.

I understand that promote athletics and show the appreciation the success with finance,(I really do not understand the structure of this sentence!)
but I strongly disagree that the result of sports game can outweigh its process.
The real spirit of sportsmanship is that the losers congratulate the winners on their achievements and the winners appreciate the best and fair game with the others.

Best Regards

mjafarinasab

Aug 16, 2012

Writing Feedback / TOEFL TOPIC: "Do you prefer homemade food or restaurant food?" [2]

Hi everybody. This is my first post. I am glad to hear all feedback from you and thank you for spending time to read my essay in advance.

my topic is "Do you prefer homemade food or restaurant food?" ? why? give details and explanation.

It is proved to mankind that his first essential primary need is eating. This is due to the fact that with no food, no energy is provided to do life activities. Regarding that the quality and quantity of food are important and really affect different aspects of man's life even in the case of social behavior. Hence, the food plays an important effective role in human's life. From my point of view, homemade foods are better because of two reasons. First one is the quality of the food and its long time influences on the human's health and the second is economic considerations.

After out of home dining, it usually occurs that I and my wife face to bad feelings, something like narcosis, due to the fact that restaurant foods usually conclude large amount of fats. Clearly this is a threat for future health. On the other hand, gaining little knowledge of foods, best tastes can be created in the home. I mean healthy foods containing essential nutrients and enough amounts of carbohydrates, fats, proteins, vitamins and minerals. The healthier the foods are the more energy and freshness is obtained. In addition, the restaurant foods may be unclean and suffer different types of bacterium and viruses resulting different kinds of sickness.

Another effective object is economics. Food prices of most of the restaurants are twenty to thirty percent higher than the real and fair price. In addition the same food can be prepared at home by the half price of the restaurant one.In the condition that homemade food costs much lower than restaurant food, it does not seems logical to go out for dining except some especial times like anniversaries of weeding or birthday.

To sum up, taking into account of the mentioned factors, it seems a rather wise decision to choose homemade food under most circumstances.