Writing Feedback /
'very essential to any people' - TOEFL IBT - Why do people need to attend university? [7]
I have corrected some of your sentences and grammatical errors. I suggest you try to use short but complete sentences rather than long but incomplete or repeated sentences.
Nowadays, the key leading to success is as not limited as in the past. (Long time ago), It was considered that a successful person was someone who graduated from university or college and likely to have high-paid jobs. Today, (in the era of Internet and advanced technologies) we can see that many people who have never graduated from high schools become millionaires or even billionaires (thanks to the advance of nowadays technology and Internet.) However, as far as my concern, attending universities or colleges is still very important to the success of a person (people's lives) because it helps us to find out who we truly are, provides us with step- by -step specialized knowledge and social skills, and enhances our self-confidence.
(First of all,) why attending universities or colleges helps us find out who we truly are? Because when a person decides to go to a university he would likely to ask himself which career should he takes? Which schools are available for him? Who would he like to become in the future? Universities and colleges offer a diverse selection of majors, (which sometimes makes one confused if he has not studied himself carefully). Only through answering those questions listed above, he would be able to find out what are his strengths/ weakness, personalities, goals of his life. Thus, he would know why and which universities or colleges he should attend to. And that's why going to universities or colleges provides people with clear visions of who they truly are and what future they would like to have.
(Second,) university and college are places where provide specialized knowledge (which are easy to get). While everything is now available on the internet for free, it is very difficult for someone to study because of its lack of organization. University and college do not only offer a lot of majors (such as engineering, journalism, economy, art, etc. ) they do also organize those majors in such logical ways which help students easier to study. For example, when one wants to study engineering, he must first learn Mathematics, Physics and Science to have background knowledge before studding to become and engineer. Those who want to work as journalists will first need to learn literature, society, writing styles first. Therefore, when attending to university or college, we receive step-by-step education in order to know how to start, how to progress our study to achieve the best results
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Besides, university and colleges are probably the best places to teach us social skills (before we live and work in the society.) University and college are the places where many people gather, live, and study. In fact they are just like small societies where we can meet many people with many characters, who may come from different places all over the world. We will need to learn communication skills, adjust our ways of behavior to adapt life in the university not only to learn well but also to understand and be able to work well with many kinds of people.
The last but not least, attending university or college helps us to enhance our self-confidence due to many reasons. (First, the time we decide to study in university or college is also when we have known who we are, what we want, and who we want to become.) In short terms, we have realized our goals and people who have their goals are likely to feel more confident than those who not. Second, the knowledge we get in the university or college will guarantee that we can get good jobs in the future (, which ensures that we can survive in this societies. )Third, people graduating from universities or colleges usually get well-paid jobs because of their being well - educated and this leads to their better status in society.
For those reasons, I strongly believe that going to university or college is a very essential period to any people in their lives.
