Undergraduate / 'exposure to my parents agony' - UC PROMPT # 1 response [3]

hi,
please give me any comments, criticism or anything you please :)

prompt # 1

As a kid, I have grown seeing my mom say no to any sugary or chocolaty foods. It is after years I realized how mom was a slave to type II diabetes. Seeing mom eat tons of medication my entire life and follow a special diet, has always made me depressed. Behind my mom's smiling face I saw her grief and I firmly decided that I need to find a permanent cure to diabetes. [so that she can also enjoy the food like I do]

Since I kept this dream hidden from my parents, I was unsure of how to achieve this goal when I started. Soon in my elementary school I got exposed to science, which not only turned out to be my favorite subject but also introduced me to diseases and their cures. Feeling a little closer to my aspiration, I continued loving the class and doing independent research through books and internet.

As I got into middle school I got exposed to Biology. Through biology I learned more about cells and other intricate details that I was able to relate to my goal in a better fashion.

As I got into high school I had wide variety of science courses to choose from. So I tried various different courses to see which brought me closer to achieving my dream. Eventually, I decided to take biotechnology, a course that not only introduces modern scientific techniques for manipulating genes, but also taught the inner workings of cells and how they can be exploited. Utilizing the skills I acquired from my independent reading and research, in my Biotechnology class, I was able to setup and carry out various experiments much more effectively. At the end of the course, considering my performance and dedication for the subject, my teacher nominated me for an exclusive summer biotechnology program at a local community college. Over the next two summers I designed experiments to check for green fuel, synthesizing biodiesel by various methods and worked on cell cultures, sequencing DNA, and plant biotechnology. Although these projects were not easy, such challenges prepared me for greater challenges I dreamt of pursuing.

The exposure to my parents' agony and my desire to discover a cure for this distress inspired me to become a biotechnologist. By researching and conducting further experiments with the latest available technologies I want to add my name to the list of scientists who have prolonged human health. I want to be a scientist who will find cure to diseases so that no other child will ever have to see their loved ones in pain.

The exposure to my parents' agony and my desire to discover a cure for this distress inspired me to become a bio technologist. By researching and conducting further experiments with the latest available technologies I want to add my name to the list of scientists who have prolonged human health. I want to be a scientist who will find cure to diseases so that no other child will ever have to see their loved ones in pain.

Undergraduate / 'Waiting for a complete recovery' - UC statement # 2 response [4]

hello,

if anyone could point out the mistakes, faults, and other corrections on my essay it would be really helpful!!

prompt # 2 :
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. what about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

A cold breeze dashed across my face as I ran past several of my competitors. Amazingly enough, I managed to pass by each of them and saw the finish line up ahead.

"How do you feel? Does it hurt right now?" my mom interrupted.
My eyes snapped open as I got up into a sitting position on the hospital bed. I rubbed my eyes to clear out the crust and glanced left and right, but there was no trace of any of the competitors. Then strangely enough I mumbled, "All for good," over and over to answer her.

As soon as I attempted to shift my legs in an effort to get off the bed, a sudden burst of throbbing pain spread from my left knee throughout my body, and memories from the past rushed into my thoughts.

For years, doctors advised me that resting my knee would be a better treatment than risking a surgery that has a low success rate. As this surgery included the insertion of artificial needles into the ligaments to puncture the bone partially and thus forcing the body to increase blood supply into the knee. This surgery has low success rate because the body may not respond even with excessive bleeding in the bone and could lead to much more severe blood loss and puncture the knee completely. Fearing such a surgery, I was forced to become a malingerer to alleviate the pain. But lying in the bed as a helpless person was the last thing I wanted to do because, until the complication with my knee, I relished outdoor activities such as running and golf, but now I would have to relinquish these activities and remain laid up at home.

The wait never seemed to end; I waited for months after months in vain for a complete recovery. Finally, with no significant improvement after two years, I became dejected, lost hope in recovery and began grumbling under my breath regarding my misfortune. In response to this pessimism, my father simply responded, "All for good." At first I did not value his brief response, but after recollecting flashes of previous awful events, I began to realize how each and every single unpleasant event in my past had turned out to be beneficial. After recalling this series of thoughts and by comprehending the meaning of my dad's message, my confidence rebounded and I decided to take the risk and have the surgery.

All these memories drifted through my head as I sat on the hospital bed after the surgery. But I quickly became tense because I still did not know if it had been successful or not. At that moment, the doctor approached me and said, "The surgery was successful, but you will not be able to walk right away. But after two to three months on crutches you should be able to walk and run normally."A smile spread across my face as I heard him. I was able to push through the adversity that I faced and was even able to fight my fear and met the surgery head on.