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Posts by quy
Joined: Sep 1, 2012
Last Post: Oct 5, 2012
Threads: 3
Posts: 3  

From: Pakistan

Displayed posts: 6
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quy   
Oct 5, 2012
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Should University education be free? 'Everything has two sides' [2]

Please give feedback and correct grammatical mistakes

Some people believe that university graduates should pay the full cost of their education. Others say that university education should be free. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Everything has two sides and the issue of whether the university fees should be paid by government or not is not an exception. There are some people who opine that government authorities should take responsibility for paying the university fees. Others disagree and say that it is only the responsibility of students to pay for their higher studies.

People who are in favour of free education argue that it is the duty of government to make education accessible to everyone. There are certain families who cannot afford to pay for the education of their children. Generally, university education expenditures are much higher compared to school level education. Therefore, it is not necessary that everyone can bear the burden of high expenditures of this education. It would also be unfair to reject a student's application who has performed well in his academic career just because he or she has no money to pay for the fees. Moreover, talented young students are an important asset of any nation who if encouraged, can drive the economy of a country further and make a country prosper.

On the other hand, opponents claim that university education should not be free to all. They say that if students go for higher studies, it will only benefit them not the whole nation because they would earn for themselves and it is only they who would progress and improve standard of living. Therefore, this budget should be diverted to other facilities for public such as healthcare, sports, arts and so on. Another reason that they mention to support their argument is that people pay high amount of taxes to support education systems and run. A lot of money is invested in research sector, which may fail many times. In this way this burden is placed on the shoulders of general public which should be avoided.

In conclusion, I think both situations have their own advantages and disadvantages but I do believe that only outstanding students should be provided funds to study and conduct research.
quy   
Oct 5, 2012
Writing Feedback / Essay about a car incident [6]

First try to focus on maintaining the structure of the essay. I mean there should be introduction which clearly presents the overview of what you are going to discuss in your essay. In the body of essay you write short paragraphs. Each paragraph should have a thesis statement and it should be supported with adequate evidence and examples. In conclusion you simply restate what you have written in introduction. Simple is that
quy   
Sep 17, 2012
Writing Feedback / IELTS Essay: Pollution, traffic congestion and solutions [2]

Please give feedback and correct grammatical errors

The rising levels of congestion and air pollution found in most of the world cities can be attributed directly to the rapidly increasing number of private cars in use. In order to reverse this decline in the quality of life in cities, attempts must be made to encourage people to use their cars less and public transport more. Discuss possible ways to encourage the use of public transport.

It is irrefutable that increasing traffic on roads has become a serious problem. This can be particularly attributed to growing number of private cars. There are several methods that can be used to mitigate levels of congestion and air pollution. One of them is by making improvements in public transport. In the following paragraphs I will put forth my arguments to support my views.

Nowadays, more and more people are relying on use of personal cars for transport. There are several reasons for this. Firstly, people can drive their car to their destination at any time without having to wait for a bus or train to come. Secondly, it is convenient and cheap means of transportation for a family of several people. Also, it can be very easy for sick and disabled people to travel on car .

There are various ways of decreasing the trend of driving private cars. The most important of these is by improving public transport such as train or bus service. Funds should be allocated in order to make these services cheaper and more reliable. Drivers should be required to pay a congestion fee for it will force people into using public transport more often than private cars. For example, in the city of London drivers are required to pay eight pounds if they are to enter in the centre of the city. Also, bus or train stations should be located closer to the residential areas so that people do not have to walk for longer distances, this will save time for them.

In conclusion, I believe that problem of traffic congestion and air pollution could easily be reduced by charging congestion fee and making public transport inexpensive and reliable.
quy   
Sep 17, 2012
Writing Feedback / [IELTS TASK 2] Developing countries are focusing on tourism. Reason and your opinion. [2]

Nowadays, an increasing number of impoverished nations are focusing on the development of tourism. It(There) is no doubt that tourism is becoming a crucial industry in all countries, and it is stimulating the economic prosperity as well.(Stimulating the economic prosperity?it doesn't make sense, you could write "stimulating the economy" instead)

Furthermore, tourism ha been analternative to agriculture for local residents' surviva l.

I have made some corrections, you need to improve your word choice(collocations). Try to use simple sentences more.AT IELTS you can get 7 band if 50% of your sentences are error-free. So, concentrate more on grammar and avoid long-run sentences. Also be careful when you are using sentences like the following:

Although there are some advantages for developing nations,(do not use the word "but" here)

Use "For example" at the start of a sentence and "such" as in the middle of the sentence
quy   
Sep 16, 2012
Writing Feedback / best choice for a particular groups; Traditional and International music value [4]

Hi, I think following sentences describe the importance of international and traditional music. How could I improve these any example?

Similarly, music that is popular and known to many countries can be called as International music. For example, Classical Music, Jazz, Pop , Rock, Rumba-Samba etc are enjoyed in many countries of the world. Obviously these are more popular, compared to traditional music as these are understood and enjoyed at macro level by huge masses.

Music is for the enjoyment and the music that can be very well understood and enjoyed is the best music. Hence, traditional music can be the best choice for a particular group of people.
quy   
Sep 15, 2012
Writing Feedback / best choice for a particular groups; Traditional and International music value [4]

Please give feedback and correct mistakes(if any)

There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays? Discuss.


Everyone needs music for recreation. Music is a creative hobby. I believe both International and traditional music have their own importance. In the following paragraphs I will put forth my arguments to support my views.

Many good musicians play music as part of their profession, while others play it for the sake of hobby. Music creates enthusiasm in sports persons and soldiers that is highly rewarding.

Music in circus makes animals to perform several tricks correctly. It helps acrobats to carry out their acrobatics perfectly. Such a good performance is not possible in the absence of music.

When a celebrity passes away, a sad tune of music is played on various channels of television and radio to convey the sad happening. In this way music can be seen as a means of communication too. Right from the first lullaby a mother sings for his baby to the dirge of funeral pyre music is everywhere.

The world comprises of many countries and in every country there are several sects. Every sect has its own music that is understood in that particular sect. Also, every country has its national anthem that is well-known to the entire population of the country. The music that is understood within a particular sect is known as traditional music or folk music, whereas the music that is familiar to the wide range of sects within a country can be termed as broadly music of that country.

Similarly, music that is popular and known to many countries can be called as International music. For example, Classical Music, Jazz, Pop , Rock, Rumba-Samba etc are enjoyed in many countries of the world. Obviously these are more popular, compared to traditional music as these are understood and enjoyed at macro level by huge masses.

Music is for the enjoyment and the music that can be very well understood and enjoyed is the best music. Hence, traditional music can be the best choice for a particular group of people. On the other hand, for entertaining cosmopolitan groups , International music shall be ideal.
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