krys10x
Sep 28, 2012
Undergraduate / 'Art is my rand hand' - experience Essay 250-500 Word [2]
The careful movements of my paintbrush fill the canvas with primary colors. Gradually, the contrasting colors blend together to reveal a painting. While the different shades seem out of place, they complement each other, which builds the basis of the painting's true identity.
My true identity has become a variety of the different shades of my life. I am an American citizen, but my surname explains my Chinese ethnicity. I am from Guangdong, China, a city known for its strong economy. (is the strong economy really relavant to your story? ) However, my memories are less vivid. I remember the delicious chestnuts that would require a special technique to open properly. I remember the odd scents from my grandfather's herbal medicines for treating nearly all sickness. My childhood was surrounded by the culture of endless rice and peculiar Chinese fables. As I try to gather my childhood memories, I remember the times when stress and goals were nonexistent, although childish actions were definitely present. I would play with a Rubiks Cube for hours or spend my whole weekend drawing figures.
However, my first name, Vincent, hides my true home: America. When I moved to America a very young age, I had to change identity as well as my lifestyle. Cantonese became a thing of the past as I struggled to become proficient in English. I became accustomed to pizza, cereal, and hot dogs. Everything was new; new encounters and new friends replaced the old ones. Opportunities opened for me to pursue activities and studies to a deeper level. I began to take private art lessons, and it soon became more than just a goofy pastime. My interest in science and math also expanded, and school became not a place of torture, but of learning. this sentence feels awkward and out of place here, perhaps you can move it closer to the beginning of the paragraph. here, the focus is still on your art.
America and China was crossing the threshold, between new and old, the line between youth and maturity. In my mind, I saw this as a new color to my life rather than a line. I am able to balance between my Chinese heritage and American lifestyles. This unique identity has allowed me to be so original. Influences I receive from my peers and my parent's guidance enable me to combine to a mixed culture that I find interesting. My knowledge of two completely different cultures and languages allow me to interact with more of the world, enabling my horizons to view further. Although I have met many people with similar backgrounds, I find that their experiences and adaptations are different from mine.
My experiences with two cultures that are on the completely opposite spectrum assist me in having an open mind. My horizons are not limited as I am more willing to accept other beliefs and philosophy. This has also given me a creativity that I tend to express in the form of my works. As the captain of the Track/Cross Country teams and student volunteer, my responsibilities and large workloads tend to stress me out occasionally. However, I still find spare time to draw. When I draw, my thoughts are organized and I feel much relieves. No matter how worried I am about the meet tomorrow or the SAT's in the morning, I must take this moment to calm down. Art connects me to my childhood and my image of life.
Art is literally as much a permanent part of me as my right hand. It serves as not only as a source of enjoyment, but also as a familiar appendage in my uncertain life. My art and my heritage will always stay with me as a fundamental quality of my existence.
Overall, good message, but you need to work on your organization. Also, when you are describing how something makes you feel, such as the last paragraph, it often helps to show your reader how something effects you instead of saying it explicitly. Being explicit works well here, in the case of your "right hand" comparison, but in other parts of the essay, it gets a bit dry with directness.
The careful movements of my paintbrush fill the canvas with primary colors. Gradually, the contrasting colors blend together to reveal a painting. While the different shades seem out of place, they complement each other, which builds the basis of the painting's true identity.
My true identity has become a variety of the different shades of my life. I am an American citizen, but my surname explains my Chinese ethnicity. I am from Guangdong, China, a city known for its strong economy. (is the strong economy really relavant to your story? ) However, my memories are less vivid. I remember the delicious chestnuts that would require a special technique to open properly. I remember the odd scents from my grandfather's herbal medicines for treating nearly all sickness. My childhood was surrounded by the culture of endless rice and peculiar Chinese fables. As I try to gather my childhood memories, I remember the times when stress and goals were nonexistent, although childish actions were definitely present. I would play with a Rubiks Cube for hours or spend my whole weekend drawing figures.
However, my first name, Vincent, hides my true home: America. When I moved to America a very young age, I had to change identity as well as my lifestyle. Cantonese became a thing of the past as I struggled to become proficient in English. I became accustomed to pizza, cereal, and hot dogs. Everything was new; new encounters and new friends replaced the old ones. Opportunities opened for me to pursue activities and studies to a deeper level. I began to take private art lessons, and it soon became more than just a goofy pastime. My interest in science and math also expanded, and school became not a place of torture, but of learning. this sentence feels awkward and out of place here, perhaps you can move it closer to the beginning of the paragraph. here, the focus is still on your art.
America and China was crossing the threshold, between new and old, the line between youth and maturity. In my mind, I saw this as a new color to my life rather than a line. I am able to balance between my Chinese heritage and American lifestyles. This unique identity has allowed me to be so original. Influences I receive from my peers and my parent's guidance enable me to combine to a mixed culture that I find interesting. My knowledge of two completely different cultures and languages allow me to interact with more of the world, enabling my horizons to view further. Although I have met many people with similar backgrounds, I find that their experiences and adaptations are different from mine.
My experiences with two cultures that are on the completely opposite spectrum assist me in having an open mind. My horizons are not limited as I am more willing to accept other beliefs and philosophy. This has also given me a creativity that I tend to express in the form of my works. As the captain of the Track/Cross Country teams and student volunteer, my responsibilities and large workloads tend to stress me out occasionally. However, I still find spare time to draw. When I draw, my thoughts are organized and I feel much relieves. No matter how worried I am about the meet tomorrow or the SAT's in the morning, I must take this moment to calm down. Art connects me to my childhood and my image of life.
Art is literally as much a permanent part of me as my right hand. It serves as not only as a source of enjoyment, but also as a familiar appendage in my uncertain life. My art and my heritage will always stay with me as a fundamental quality of my existence.
Overall, good message, but you need to work on your organization. Also, when you are describing how something makes you feel, such as the last paragraph, it often helps to show your reader how something effects you instead of saying it explicitly. Being explicit works well here, in the case of your "right hand" comparison, but in other parts of the essay, it gets a bit dry with directness.
